There is an excellent book called The Power of Now. That’s to say — the ideas put forward in the book are excellent, but I confess to giving up on reading it when I was half-way or three-quarters of the way through. That was over ten years ago, so maybe I’d feel differently about it now, but back then I thought it was incredibly boring. I liked the ideas, just not the way it was written.
Still, to this day I remember how Eckhart Tolle tells the story of being homeless after hitting rock bottom and suddenly becoming happy. He didn’t have to worry anymore, as he was already in as much trouble as he could ever imagine being in. Suddenly he started enjoying the moment instead of fretting about life.
That story wasn’t boring. That story made a lot of sense.
In my own life I’ve experienced something similar, when I was depressed and one day prayed to God or whatever powers may be, for help and it came to me that I didn’t have to become successful. My life is my gift and I’m allowed to do whatever I want with it. There are no standards to live up to; nothing you have to achieve. All you have to do is unwrap each day of this gift.
My own obsession with “making something out of myself” had led to depression. And if I don’t watch it, I slip back into thinking I should achieve more, be more, have more. It’s a thinking pattern established in childhood and it still haunts me. I don’t even think about the thoughts I’m thinking, they just swirl around in the background and they continue to build unless I catch them.
Thoughts are like that. We’re so used to them we don’t even see them anymore. They’re part of our make-up. But we can change them if we make an effort to do so. If we take charge of our minds.
The reason I’m sharing this is because several times lately I’ve wanted to freeze time. I don’t want the kids to grow up. I feel like I need more time with them as they are now. And the toddler is so friggin adorable. When he holds my hand as he falls asleep at night, I marvel at how small that hand is. The width of his hand is smaller than the length of one of my fingers. It’s adorable when his tiny hand holds onto mine. He’s also particularly cute when going to sleep. He’s the funniest little monkey.
It hit me today, when once again I was putting him to bed that I can’t keep holding onto these moments. Tomorrow might be better. I just happen to enjoy the age he’s at where everything is an adventure.
As humans we are deluded. We worry about tomorrow instead of visualizing what we’d love to achieve. We mourn yesterday. We hold onto wounds and skewed ideas of reality based on past events. We’re obsessed with certain outcomes instead of enjoying the journey. We are just so attached to all these different things that don’t usually serve us.
I may not have been a fan of Tolle’s writing way back when, but the truth is, this moment is all we have. Why are we so obsessed with where we should be, where we have been and where we will be next instead of just enjoying the now for what it is?
Life is now. And right now the wind is making music as it blows around the house. That’s all I need to focus on. All I need to worry about. The wind. The music of the moment.