I never imagine life going this way!


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Growing up as a child I had a vision how my life would go. In my child eyes I seen myself married (a marriage like my parents) with children and I never gave much thought to a career, I knew I would work but not more then that. Now at 43 years old, all I have to say is WOW! Life takes on a life of it's  own. Right now in my life I am closing the chapter of raising my child and moving into an adult relationship with him.

 Here is a little history of my past, I lost my father at the age of 24 years old which I thought the world would end. My dad was my everything, we always connected on a level that amazed me. We were both Life path number 9, which makes sense to me now. So here I was at 24 years old losing half of who I was so I thought. I was lost and felt alone in a world that wasn't always a nice one. I had married the year that I lost my father so now I was also facing the challenge of being newly married. I must say it was quite the challenge. The following year I got pregnant with an amazing beautiful baby boy. He was my world, I had found unconditional love again. I loved every inch of him and I loved being a mom. It came so natural to me, I had the rough few months to get to know him but after that it was pure magic. I was a stay at home mom until he turned 4 years old but I had also babysat other children and had a business on the side doing nails. 

That year my son turned 4 years old my husband at the time announced that he wanted to separate. I didn't put up much of a fight because I knew life wasn't good at the time with him and I had spoken to my father in heaven to help me and he sure heard my prayers. After 5 months of living separate in the home (he lived downstairs in the apartment and I stayed upstairs) we did that for my son to have a smooth transition. My son and I moved out to my brother's house which had a basement apartment for 3 months. Then we moved into our very own two bedroom apartment. I was so proud to call this home OURS!! 

Three months later I was contacted by a man that I had dated at 12 years old. This man had remained in my heart thru my life journey. Our families were very much connected therefore we always knew where the other one was at in life.  My son and I both fell in love with him. He was kind, loving, reliable just a true gem to enter our lives. Life wasn't always easy because he had never raised children and my son was used to having me to himself. But I must say I wouldn't have changed a thing. We faced many challenges together, from him losing his father and a day later I lost my brother in law. Those were some very dark times but I am proud to say we are stronger now then ever.

November 2019, we were announced by our son (yes he is our son now) that he wanted to move 4 hours away to attend college. This hit us both like a ton of bricks, nothing could have prepared us for this. At that time I realised how much this sweet man loved our son. The love my father had for me, I seen that same love he had for our son. I went into panic mode because everything in my life was changing. we were never going to have our family dynamite again.  and I know now I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want anything to change because it's all I've ever known for 18 years of my life. I was a wife and a mom and that's all I have ever wanted  since I was a little girl. Now I was being faced with the challenge of who am I, what do I want, what do I need. I wasn't functioning very well, my life was on fast forward and all I can do is worry and fear for the future because I was entering a territory that was unknown. My dog that was 9 years old had went into congestive heart failure three times, one of those times it happened  in my arms. My husband that as Crohn's was told he had never been in remission and was in a major flare up. I was also legally battling with my ex that had stopped paying child support. I also hadn't ever driven to the city that was four hours away that my son was now going to call home. Therefore when we went to visit the college I drove out there. It was a huge challenge for me and that's mildly saying it. But I did it and my son and my husband were by my side. That was the first time I realised that I can do anything that I put my mind to.

We are now two days away from going with him to move him into his dorm.  I can't believe there is only two days left. I have done a lot of work by listening  to motivational videos  (Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Dr Joe Dispenza and Victor Oddo) and I have worked thru all the emotions and I have faced all these challenges and I feel myself growing into somebody new. I thought this process was for my sons' growth only Boy! was I wrong, it's been my growth as well. All three of us have grown into new people! I feel so different inside. I never knew that someone could physically and emotionally experience the change that's  happening within them. 

Next Chapter to my life is simply beginning and I think I will call it Goodbye sweet girl Hello new woman!!! To be continued.....


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