Relationships can be very strong and very fragile at the same time. Sometimes everything goes very smoothly and we feel lucky to have our partner in our life whereas sometimes conflicts and arguments make can take a toll on us and our relationships. We need to understand that there are psychological reasons that trigger our overreactions. If we explore these early influences we can learn to react in a healthier and positive way.
Try to Understand, Before Expecting To Be Understood
No one likes unpleasant altercations with their loved ones but we often end up doing that. Things can be a lot more pleasant if we know how to stop overreacting in a relationship.
The first step to stop overreacting is to try to understand your partner or your loved ones instead of always expecting them to understand you. If you see any problem discuss it with them, try to understand the cause of it because this is the only way to solve it. Remind yourself that overreacting will only make the situation worse between you and your partner. Be empathetic and try to put yourself in their shoes. Listen more and talk less so that you can understand what they are thinking or feeling. Why are they sad or frustrated. This should not be only about you, right?
Know What Triggers Your Overreactions:
It's good that you are curious to know that how to stop overreacting in a relationship. Half the battle is won! The next step to control our overreactions is to know what actually triggers us to react against our wish. It helps us to look into the deeper reasons for our behavior. To explore the reasons further, we should just sit with our triggered feelings and explore what kind of Sensations, Images, Feelings, or Thoughts (SIFT) that arise in our mind during that time. Most of the times the source of our triggers can be because of early childhood experiences that were the original source of our strong emotional reactions. This knowledge about our triggers for our needless reactions helps us to be more careful with our reactions.
Listen To Your Negative Internal Voice:
Apart from the triggers, we should also notice our critical inner voice or negative inner voice that rules our heads when we feel angry and overreact.
This critical voice exaggerates and misinterprets the situation and leads us to overreactions. If instead of reacting too fast, we take out time and sit to analyze, notice and reason this inner critic we will get the more clear perspective of the situation and we will be more in control of our reactions.
The Connection Between Our Overreactions And Past:
It’s not that our overreactions are always unnecessary. Sometimes there can be solid reasons for this kind of behavior. We all need respect, compassion, love, and care from our partners. And it is natural for us to feel annoyed by our partners controlling, complaining, nagging and ignoring behaviors. However, there can be times when our emotional reaction to our partner’s behavior gets too in particularly intense. There is a strong probability that some particular situations tapped into our past. We just need to understand what are those behaviors, words or expressions which are related to our past and that push our buttons.
Remember, It Takes Two To Clap
Whenever things go wrong in a relationship, most of us start blaming our partners and never try to introspect. We can avoid many clashes and arguments if instead of trying to change the other person we try to look at our shortcomings. After all, we can only suggest the other person but we have full authority over ourselves. This, by no means, implies that we should take all the blame in our relationship and ignore and bear the wrong treatment.
Practice Constructive Communication:
Now when you have understood your intensified reactions, you should take the next step to end the bitterness between you and your partner. Use a more collaborative communication approach with your partner. Instead of blurting out what you feel try to listen to your partner and what they’re experiencing. This will help you to understand their perspective and how they perceived the situation. You can both then sit down and trace back to the initial trigger that led to heated reactions.
Every action has a reaction, but they should not be overreactions until and unless they are unavoidable. Let the love bloom.