When a man and a woman first get together it can be going along nicely and as soon as things start to become a little more serious, a man can begin to pull away. This is naturally going to be confusing for the woman and may make no sense whatsoever.
And it can depend on how connected the woman felt to the man, as to how she responds to what took place. If everything was going well and there was the potential for so much more to occur, then there is higher chance that there will not only be anger and frustration, but also a sense of sadness and even loss.
It could be devastating and the consequences could be severe; especially if this is something she has experienced time and time again. A one off may be dismissed, but to continually attract a man who is unavailable could be overwhelming and hard to comprehend.
There is often said to be a whole range of reasons as to why a guy would pull away. And these can include a guy that is: not fully interested in the women, is at a stage where he is not ready to settle down or doesn’t want to lose his freedom, amongst other reasons.
These can sound reasonable and may settle a women’s mind. However, if they are with a man who is into them just as must as they are into him, these are unlikely to really answer a woman’s questions.
As it was going well and flowing along nicely, it would be clear that the interest is there. And while the man may not be ready to settle down, if he has met someone he has clicked with, surely he would be open to going further. Certain freedoms may be lost, but other freedoms would be gained along the way.
At first these reasons might settle a woman’s thoughts and emotions, but based on the human need to connect with another human being, it is often more about someone’s level of emotional maturity that it is about these other reasons.
In The Beginning
From the start the man could come across as being fairly interested or he could across as being extremely into the woman. And if the man was extremely keen in the beginning, it is going to be more of a shock when he pulls away.
This could be man that is in regular contact and one who wants to spend as much time as possible with the woman and take her to places. Or in the case of a guy who is fairly interested, this might just include wanting to see her on a regular basis and to keep everything fairly consistent.
So at one moment, a woman can feel that the man is into her and everything is going so well. And the next moment, the man can become: cold, distant and completely unavailable.
Hot And Cold
While the above could be what happens, it could also be something that goes in cycles. So it is not a case of the man being available and then not being available and that’s the end of it. The man could be available and then unavailable and then after a while become available again and the cycle then continues.
When this happens, a woman could end up being taken advantage of and compromising, if she hasn’t got strong boundaries. The man could then be pursued and come to conclude that his behaviour is acceptable to the woman.
And if a woman is constantly attracting these kinds of men into her life, then it could be a sign of her own fear of intimacy. Consciously there may be the desire to connect with a man and to avoid being abandoned and at a deeper level; there could be a fear of being engulfed by one.
The Unavailable Man
So as he is available at first and then shortly after becomes unavailable, it is likely that he has a fear of intimacy at a deeper level. The reason he comes on so strong at first could relate to his conscious fear of being abandoned.
And as the relationship grows stronger, his deeper fear of being engulfed arises. When he pulls away and this deeper fear settles down, the fear of being abandoned can arise once more and the interest can reappear.
These fears are not necessarily problems per se, what can lead to problems are when these fears are reacted to, instead of faced, processed and healed.
One of the primary causes of this type of behaviour and these inner fears that causes it is the relationship a man had with his mother as a child. This could have been a mother that was emotional undeveloped and so used her son to take care of her own needs and wants.
And as she was not aware of her own behaviour and out of tune with her sons needs, she ended up smothering her son in the process. The son would have wanted his mother to fulfil his wants and needs, but would have feared being smothered if this took place.
Whether he got attention or not would therefore lead to the experience of pain. To be left would cause the feeling of being abandoned, but if the mother was available it would result in the feeling of being engulfed.
These inner fears are creating conflict for the man and until they become aware of them, there is unlikely to be any real change. These fears and emotions, that have remained trapped in the body since those early years, can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
When a woman feels completely comfortable with intimacy, it is unlikely that she would be attracted to a man who is not. So a woman may also have some letting go to do.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou
It's been a long time since you thought about it, you knew that your write-up would eventually see the light of day, but you still needed a little time to get started. May be you feel you are not prepared enough or you are waiting for the perfect inspiration to write. The inspiration you are seeking is already within you. It's time to unlock the writer within you. Remember, if you wait till you feel like writing, you will never write at all. Write to keep the memory, to testify, to feel lighter, to take stock ... or perhaps for all these reasons at the same time?
Write to keep the memory ... and transmit it!
Last year I met Ms. Marry, a 83-year-old woman who just published her first write-up, when asked about her motivation taking a deep breadth she replied "it's my 6-month-old grandson Alex. Like every Grandma, I want to tell him stories, share with him the family values. Unfortunately, I don't have enough time as I am suffering from some serious illness. However, my thoughts will still reach him through these write-ups". Like Ms. Marry, many want to give their children and grandchildren a record of their own lives. Conscious of the fragility of the memory, they wish to shelter it once for all and for several generations by inscribing it in blogs or in the pages of a book.
The initiative can also come from children. This is moreover the case more and more often. Realising that memory can be lost forever, they encourage their parents or even their grandparents to write their story. A nice gift idea!
Writing can also be an opportunity to portray a picture of a loved one who has gone missing too soon.
The people who write to testify are far more numerous than what we think. It is often a cry of the heart, a need, not only to tell each other, but to share the experience with the world. Most often their purpose is to denounce an injustice or, at least, what they feel is an injustice. The range of testimonies is broad enough: narrative of a battle against the administration, divorce that goes wrong, fight against the disease, etc. Fortunately, some testimonials can relate to a gay reality such as, for example, a beautiful love story or a reunion after years of separation.
Write to feel lighter
There is also the writing that liberates. The one that allows to discharge by putting on paper the thoughts and feelings that are too heavy to wear. So for some of us, writing can be a therapy.
But writing down one's story, especially if it's tragic, takes courage. It means plunging back into the torrent of past pain and reliving it. Events that had been forgotten, or more accurately tried to forget, come to the surface. It is a process that may jostle you, to bring down certainties, to bring you to painful observations, but also, when the work is finished, to feel freer, lighter, more in keeping with yourselves.
Write to take stock ...
For some, writing is a way to take a distance from their experience, to take stock, in a word to see a little clearer. "I'm going to rediscover my past," a gentleman once told me, comparing her pen to the pilgrim's staff.
Write to be reborn
Writing about your life is not an end, it's a beginning! We think that by writing our life, we are putting a final point. Surprisingly enough, it is often the opposite that happens. People reborn after writing their story and even prepare for a second life, filled with the energy they had just drawn from those writings.
Have you ever written a life story? If so, what were your motivations? If no, then don't hesitate or wait for the right time. Just register FREE to below link and create your Masterpiece!
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