This is the year. I’m finally going to do it this year. I’m not wasting any more time. I’m not indulging any more delays. This is the year I am exploring forgiveness at a depth I’ve here-to-fore not mastered.
I can allow others to be confused or insensitive or preoccupied. I’ve learned to not take sleights personally. I can overlook the intermittent disappointment.
But there is a level of forgiveness I’ve yet to practice. And that has to do with releasing my Child’s hold on HUGE hurt feelings. In my Adult I can forgive anything because when I’m in my Adult nothing gets too far in. I can handle it intellectually or verbally or interpersonally. But the Child feelings are overwhelming and pre-verbal, necessarily unutterable. They have to do with my very existence, with the validity of the core of my being. In my Child I can be wiped out, completely demolished. I imagine that all the parts of me dissemble and float away and that I no longer exist.
How can I forgive when my very existence is at stake?
Because my very existence is not at stake. It feels like it is to my Child, but what I know as an adult that I could not know as a child is that the light at my core is not diminished, no matter what anyone does or says. Words hurt my feelings or my sense of belonging in the world. But no words destroy the integrity of my essence.
At my core I am one with God. No one created that and no one can destroy that. Verbal or physical insults don’t reach that deeply. And no matter what anyone thinks of me and no matter who hates me and no matter how badly I’m treated, I am one with God.
And from that place I can forgive anything. What detracts at that core level? Nothing human or passing. Certainly, I don’t need to be concerned with someone else’s judgments when I identify with my God-consciousness. And I don’t judge from that consciousness. Not anyone else and not myself.
I can forgive anything and everything. As long as I’m in my God-consciousness. All I have to do is to choose that. It’s always there.