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What If Everything You’re Experiencing Is Preparing You For What You Asked For?

Try to get a sense of the emotions when you think about the situation.

What If Everything You’re Experiencing Is Preparing You For What You Asked For?

What Are You Giving Your Attention To?

“Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.”

                                                                                                          —Kahlil Gibran

What are you experiencing in your life that is causing you trouble? Try to get a sense of the emotions when you think about the situation. Now, reflect on what you would like to happen instead. How would you feel if you lived that reality now? People often believe conditions are worse than they appear to be, known in psychology as catastrophising; the irrational thoughts that something is worse than it actually is. It may be an evolutionary adaptation that has allowed mankind to evolve. However, what you’re experiencing may be preparing you for the thing you asked for.

The universe seldom functions according to plan, as you’ve noticed. Sometimes things happen unexpectedly and we jump to conclusions without allowing the entire picture to unfold. In fact, what may be taking place is what we’ve been looking for all along. Our judgement is based on first impressions and we ought to give things a chance to develop further. For example, the company where you work might downsize and unexpectedly you are left without a job. Naturally, you are stressed about being unemployed and having to look for work. What if the situation was unfolding in your favour to lead you to the perfect career? Just because we haven’t experienced ideal conditions before doesn’t mean it is out of the realm of possibility. We must believe in miracles because the universe acts in mysterious ways. What may seem like a roadblock may open doors in unexpected places.

The problem is, we focus on negative conditions for so long and lose sight of attracting good things into our lives. In physics terms it is called The Observer effect, whereby the observation of an experience has the potential to change the outcome. Understandably, there’s more to it than I have time to explain in this article. However, if we give attention to unwanted aspects, they will continue to show up in our lives. The key is to flip the switch and focus on what we want. It sounds simple enough doesn’t it? Then why do so many people struggle with this idea? It is because we experience life in three dimensions and there is no dress rehearsal, only the real thing. But as you know, thoughts become things so what you give your attention to will eventually become your reality.

Trust In A Greater Intelligence

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

                                                                                                                            —M. Scott Peck

Are you with me so far? Are you beginning to see what you give your attention to creates your reality because of the energy devoted to it? It’s not all bad news because we can change our thought environment and attract new circumstances by changing the way we think and feel. I liken it to travelling on a highway and seeing an exit sign up ahead. You take the exit off the freeway and soon enough you are on a new road with a change in scenery. All it took was a thought for you to exit the freeway resulting in a change in the physical landscape. Admittedly, life doesn’t move as quick as this example. Whilst thoughts become things, there is often a lag time between our thoughts and our reality. It has been suggested, it takes approximately 30 days of focused visualisations to evoke a change in our reality. In this time, the universe will respond to our thoughts by showing us signs our thoughts are manifesting into existence.

It’s a good thing thoughts take time to manifest into form because we can change what we think about. We may want to add or remove aspects of our imagined future whilst it is still a thought. For example, you might want to be in an intimate relationship and imagine the details as best you can. However, the person who shows up is not what you expect. Now, you are stuck in a relationship that doesn’t serve you and blame yourself for attracting the wrong partner. Everything you experience is what you asked for, though it may not look that way because the picture is still taking shape. It requires mentally stepping back (detachment) and trusting in a greater intelligence that knows exactly what it’s doing. This intelligence has been doing its job for thirteen billion years and has a good handle on the process. The universe is not hurried by our timeline, since it has its own schedule. This is what metaphysical teachers mean when they say trusting in divine timing. It requires detachment and letting go of how and when things will show up in our life.

Knowing this, let’s return to my opening question where I asked you to consider the contrast of your negative situation and how you would like it to play out. The point of the exercise is to use contrasting states to get a sense of what we want to experience. So, over the coming weeks, use this visualisation to focus on what you want to bring to life. As you focus on the negative situation, switch to a positive outcome and allow your mind to linger longer in this positive state. It needn’t be anything more than a minute or two. Summon up the emotions while thinking about this positive scenario and notice where you experience the emotions in your body. It is only when we examine our thoughts, we realise our experiences are preparing us for what we asked for.

A Leading Self-Empowerment Author, Keynote Speaker and Coach. Your Journey Towards Greatness Starts Here: http://www.tonyfahkry.com/

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Meditation serves as a solid foundation for any spiritual practice. It doesn't matter what style of meditation or in what lineage or who your teacher is. Meditation opens us to Universal wisdom by practicing presence and surrender.

When we meditate, we don't strive. We experience each second with attention and acceptance. Our intellect waits outside the door and, for a few minutes, we simply “be.”

If you have sat with the intention of meditating, you have noticed the cascade of thoughts that demand that your attention. These Controller threats convince us that, really, it is not responsible to “sit and be” when there is work to be done, a phone call returned, or plans finalized. Everything we hear from our Controller is true but the underlying motivation for this voice is to avoid vulnerability.

The Controller is the part of us that insists that we avoid our feelings and focus on thinking. The Controller's orientation is external--fitting in with the established order around us. The Controller doesn't want to ackowledge our inner world.

But for those of us who commit to follow a spiritual path, we know that allowing, then appreciating, then trusting our vulnerability is the only way to healing and transformation. It is only by moving deeply inside ourselves that we open to the guidance which is always available to us.

The wisdom at our deepest center always pulls us to heal. When we acknowedge that wisdom and cooperate with Life by saying Yes to our experience, we choose healing and transformation. Practicing partnership with Life is our sacred duty.

I have meditated for decades and have taught meditation to many,many interested folks. I offer guided meditations as a way for folks to learn meditation.

For years I have led guided meditation groups. Recently, I have recorded guided meditations of 15, 30, and 45 minutes. Folks gradually learn what it is to experience the healing power of meditation by listening to and experiencing the recordings.

For folks with no experience, the 15 minute guided meditations introduce them to the experience of practicing presence. My frequent instructions direct the listener to focus on the current second. I have recorded dozens of 15-minute meditations so the listener doesn't memorize the words of any one. The variety keeps the experience fresh. The repetition emphasizes the practice of presence in “this second.”

Meditators with some experience who want structure choose the 30 minute meditations. The silences between prompts are slightly longer. At this level meditators are more self-reliant but still focused by the prompts.

At the 45-minute level meditators establish a daily process with a structure that allows for ample opportunity to practice surrender. When we practice surrender we say Yes to the current second. At the 45-minute level, meditators learn to maintain their focus, to practice presence and surrender, and to monitor their own inner world process.

I expect that this easy-to-use process with the recorded meditations will be accessible to everyone and flexible enough to accommodate differing needs for direction and silence. Practitioners will develop mastery and confidence on their own. They will also learn how to maintain a daily practice with or without the recorded meditations.

I would appreciate your participation in this study. Please access the meditations at www.RuthCherryPhD.com/guided meditations. You can listen to them on your phone or your computer.

Choose a tier (15 or 30 or 45 minutes) for your meditations which is challenging but not discouraging in its level of diffculty. Meditate every day for a month with any meditation from that tier. (New meditations are added to each tier each month.)

Then, please write to me describing your experience and your response to using the recorded meditations. RuthCherryPhD@aol.com

I want to hear from you about how you move from being a non-meditator to being a committed meditator. I also want your reactions to the recorded meditations. I am committed to doing this work. I invite you to participate with me in promoting healing and transformatin for our world.

Ruth Cherry, PhD

805 439 2757

When it comes to what one generation passes onto the next, genetics are at the forefront. Some experts say that whatever one generation has, the next are certain to have the same. However, others, through their understanding of epigenetics, have said that their needs to be a trigger in order for anyone’s DNA to have an effect.

And this trigger could be an external trigger, so environmental, or an internal trigger and how one feels or thinks for instance. What doesn’t receive as much exposure as this, is how emotional neglect can be passed on from one generation to another.

No Surprise

But, if one were to step back and look at how the western world is, this is not going to be much of a surprise. And this is because the western world and the countries that have been influenced by it are out of balance. The masculine side has been embraced, whereas the feminine has largely been rejected.

For example, genetics are seen as building blocks and as something that can be changed or removed. Just like how one would build a house, create an extension or remove a part of the existing structure.

Emotions on the other hand, can’t be seen directly, but they can be seen through the consequences that they create. It is also not possible to remove them, like one would move a brick from a house. The masculine approach is all about doing and the feminine approach is about being.

Cut Off

With there being a focus on the masculine or the left brain and a denial of the feminine and the right brain, an imbalance has been created. And that has meant that emotions have largely been ignored.

They are often seen as insignificant and the impact they have ends up being ignored. One can’t see air, but without it one would suffer and die shortly after, if this absence lasted for too long.

And the same applies to emotions; they can’t be seen and yet they define one’s life. If one feels good or balanced, certain things will be done. But if they don’t feel good and are out of balance, it could lead to one behaving in ways that are destructive to themselves and to others.

Childhood Development

So genetics will be often seen as the primary reason as to why someone grows up to be how they are. And when this relates to someone’s emotional development, it could be said that they feel as they do because it runs in the family for instance. Here one might suffer from depression, have what is often described as an ‘addictive personality’ or have mental problems.

And while there may be some truth to this outlook, what it doesn’t look into is the kind of care one received as a baby and a child. The kind of nurturing one did receive or didn’t receive during this time will make a massive difference to the kind of person one will grow up to be.

Through the focus being on genetics, its stops attention going where it needs to be. It is through awareness that change takes place, without it, nothing can truly change.

Emotional Neglect

To be neglected during ones formative years is going to create problems and the severity of these problems will depend on many different things. Two people could experience neglect and turn our completely different; one person could elevate themselves and another could end up living a life of pain and suffering or even commit suicide.

Firstly, there will be how the neglect affects them and how they respond to these consequences. And then there will be the kind of support that they do or do not receive.

Never Again

However, no matter what happens after the neglect has taken place and one becomes an adult, it is likely that one would have said to themselves that they would not do this to anyone. But time passes and one ends up doing to their own child or children, what was done to them.

And as one suffered so much through being neglected themselves, it can seem strange that they would do the same thing to another. Logically this doesn’t make any sense and why would it.

The Cycle

So if one was to work on their neglect through therapy or was able to heal it in another way, then the chances of them passing it on are going to be very low. The problems arise when ones becomes out of touch with what happened all those years ago.

And this is a normal response to trauma, disconnecting from what happened is a way to handle the pain. But although this does allow one to ‘survive’, it also means that they are liable to repeat the same pattern all over again.

This is because the pain of what happened has remained within them and to be around a baby or a child that is incredibly needy and dependent, is going to trigger that part of them that feels the same. And because the child reminds them of this, they will want to avoid the child.

Without Awareness

It would be easy to assume that in order for a caregiver to act this way, they must be bad or evil. And yet this behaviour will be a reaction and not something that they have consciously thought about.

Their pain will be triggered and then the child will be neglected; either through the caregiver physically leaving them or by them being emotionally unavailable. The ability to act consciously is taken away as a result of them carrying so much pain.


What this emphasises is the importance of education, especially when it comes to the area of emotional development. Emotional neglect can cause someone to be emotionally stuck and so it will be important for them to deal with the pain of what happened or more to the point, what didn’t happen, many years ago.

Unless one wakes up and takes responsibility for their emotional development, then there is strong chance that nothing will change and the past will be repeated once again. With emotions being generally ignored in the west, it means that in most cases, one will need to take the initiative themselves.


To heal emotional neglect will take work and patience and is likely to require the assistance of a therapist or a healer. They will provide the mirroring and attunement that one didn’t get as a child and allow one to release the emotional pain that they have been carrying ever since.

How important are you? Do you feature on your own list of priorities? If you're a mum you no doubt regard your children as your number one priority. If you work as a manager or business owner with staff or targets to consider you'll justifiably treat work as vital. It's important to look after your staff and customers, earn a living and be in a stimulating environment that sustains you.

Family and friends are important too. They're often the reason we work so hard; to provide them with a comfortable home and lifestyle, good schooling and fun times together.

The big question is, where do you fit into all of this? If you went to a restaurant or consulted a specialist and saw that they were stressed, irritable and overworked you'd probably wonder why they'd agreed to take your booking. The same applies if you're being pulled in all directions and not feeling able to cope. Irritability, frustration and resentment can start to surface. No one benefits.

Achieving some balance in life, where you recognise your limits and boundaries, allows you to be the best version of yourself. Then everyone, including you, has a better experience and quality of life.

Here are 10 ways to be the best version of yourself:

- Practise positive self talk. Start to notice those automatic 'I'm so stupid' responses that can so easily surface when you're stressed. Yes, something you did may have been a mistake, but that doesn't mean you're stupid. We often talk to ourselves more harshly than we ever would to anyone else. Learn to be kinder to yourself and recognise your early warning signs of stress.

- Schedule time for things you know you do well. It's especially important in the midst of tough or difficult times to remind yourself of your skills, talents and abilities. Allow time for the things you enjoy and are good at. Sport, DIY, playing an instrument, volunteering can be ways to bring a positive mindset into your life.

- 'Broadcast' what you've done. Household chores, chauffeuring duties, the errands that go unnoticed are often taken for granted. There's no need to be heavy-handed, but occasionally remind others that you've stocked the cupboards with food, the clean laundry and towels don't get replenished by magic. Solicit appreciation for those efforts that support the smooth running of their lives.

- Smile and accept compliments and praise. Don't shrug them off in an 'it's nothing' way. Acknowledge, say 'thank you' and let them know that good manners and appreciation are important to you.

- Pace yourself. Being the best version of yourself means being able to manage stress. Learn to recognise what you can and can't do each day. There's no merit in being invincible or feeling that you've failed if you don't manage to do everything. It's okay to tackle big jobs in stages.

- Let others help. If you're working long hours or have many demands on your time why not engage help with cleaning, gardening, ironing or with business tasks like PR, accounts and social media. The time freed up can be used elsewhere and is often money well spent. Delegate tasks to staff and encourage them to blossom and become more enthusiastic about their work. Let your children help. Even if their efforts are clumsy it's good to encourage them to become more independent.

- 'No' can be the most positive word in your vocabulary when used well. 'Yes' can become a negative habit if you automatically take on too much by way of work, social engagements or family responsibilities. We may be eager to please others, appear efficient and successful. But saying 'no' in an appropriate way allows you to use your time well, focus on your priorities and become the best version of yourself.

- Nurture your relationships. Our partners, families, colleagues, friends cannot be expected to be psychic but will often be understanding and supportive if told what's going on and asked for help. Let them in and they may even come up with great ideas and suggestions.

- Have regular breaks. It may seem counter-intuitive to stop work for a time, but regular breaks allow you to better manage stress and return to work with a fresh perspective and new insights. Being the best version of yourself means looking after yourself and pausing from time to time. Have a healthy snack, plenty of water and switch off for an hour or so before bed.

- Accept invitations and offers that take you out of your comfort zone. Scare yourself a little every day, even if it's simply by choosing a different lunch, speaking to someone new, accepting a challenge. Allow your confidence and self belief to grow by expanding your horizons. Keep a journal and log those mini-successes to sustain you during difficult times.

Becoming the best version of yourself means shaking off old, unhelpful patterns that may have once worked well for you. And interestingly, once we become receptive to positive changes other factors often work to motivate and sustain us.

Author -

Susan Leigh, Altrincham, Cheshire, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support. She's author of 3 books, 'Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon. To order a copy or for more information, help and free articles visit 

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