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A Leading Self-Empowerment Author, Keynote Speaker and Coach. Your Journey Towards Greatness Starts Here: http://www.tonyfahkry.com/
Why There Is Always Light At The End Of The Tunnel
“There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way out is through.” — David Allen
To discover the light at the end of the tunnel, we must inhabit the darkness with complete faith that respite is ahead. The tunnel is our life’s journey, which sometimes can be filled with darkness. In such moments it’s natural to look for a way out, yet we ought to trust that a turning point awaits us around the corner. The darkness can terrify us when we’re stuck, and unable to navigate our way ahead. It represents an inner struggle and in those moments we feel helpless. However, this is inaccurate that only pulls us deeper into this darkened state. Trapped in a shadow of darkness can be unrelenting, given that suffering offers no respite. Have you experienced this in your life where you were consumed by darkness? How did you find a way through it?
However unwelcoming our circumstances, we needn’t suffer alone. To have others accompany us reaffirms our faith there is always someone to lean on. This simple act of renewal strengthens our resolve because two souls walking into battle are soldiers in arms. It is why I am drawn to the passage in the song Let It Be by the Beatles which says: “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine on until tomorrow, let it be.” The light that shines on us is the contrast of light and dark, merged in the sea of duality. For example, the darkness in the evening gives rise to the light at dawn. Within this system, life assures us nothing is permanent, since every experience endures its rebirth. We are never stranded, however inhospitable the circumstances. How we internalise what unfolds, shapes our destiny.
When ensnared in darkness we have two choices: draw our attention to the fear or direct our focus towards the light. By doing so we renew our faith knowing relief is at hand. Occasionally, there’s little we can do to usher a change in conditions. At other times, we are forced to wrestle with the ruins of despair. Yet in those moments, we appreciate how the darkness cannot extinguish the light of our eternal being. The darkness cultivates strength of character, just as light illuminates the murkiness of night. We can experience frailty in those dark moments, unable to make sense of our situation. Yet through the darkness, we surrender to the forces of life knowing we have little control after all. It was Winston Churchill who once said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” We must advance through obscurity if we wish to realise the lessons contained within our experience. To retreat is to lose sight of the personal growth life seeks to instil in us. Otherwise, we will revisit the lessons in different forms until we experience them fully. Have you seen this in your own life where the same lessons keep reappearing in a different form?
“Persistent people are able to visualize the idea of light at the end of the tunnel when others can’t see it.” — Seth Godin
Many people are prone to suffer from depressive states and lose hope of a way out. In uncertainty, we must take each day as it comes. This practice alone draws our attention to the present moment since that is all we have. We gain wisdom in our darkest hour, knowing our eternal soul cannot be overshadowed. We ought to focus on the smallest progress in moments of despair, instead of looking to a tomorrow which may not arrive as we hope for. Nothing is certain, apart from this moment. Instead of rushing towards the exit, the smallest act forward renews our faith that light is at the end of the tunnel. Contained within these marginal gains lies our yesterday’s which give rise to a new tomorrow. The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung put it eloquently when he said: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” So, how does one stay composed when ensnared in darkness? Have faith–nothing lasts forever. Even time is an illusion when immersed in the darkness of a harsh reality. Amid a tornado, sixty seconds can seem like an eternity, and so it is with moments of despair. Consider what the experience is trying to teach you? If looking down on your life’s journey from above, what adjustments would you make going forward?
When trapped in your circumstances, try to look for the slightest respite in those untenable moments. The darkness invites us to practice self-compassion and nurture equanimity. We are called to exercise our noblest truths that lie at the heart of our being. Equally, to lean on others during times of suffering summons our capacity to trust we needn’t go through hardship alone. There is always someone by our side to help us reclaim our strength. Knowing this, consider an experience in your life that seems helpless. What is the smallest action you can take each day to deal with it? It might involve talking to someone, writing in your journal or crying to experience the intensity of your emotions. Don’t discount the power of small actions because they have the potential to heal your wounds and help you overcome pain and suffering. To find the light at the end of the tunnel, advance through the darkness knowing your compassioned hope for change lies around the corner. I invite you not to frown upon your misery, but embrace it as a doorway to inner transformation.
14 hours ago
7 Ways To Accept Yourself Through The Eyes Of Unconditional Love
“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.”—Steve Maraboli
It is important for our personal development to learn how to love ourselves. If we don’t, it is hard to expect others to love us. Whilst humans have many faults and shortcomings, embracing our faults is central to accepting ourselves as we are. Loving ourselves should become our highest priority if we wish to live authentically, from a place of non-resistance. I don’t mean loving ourselves in a self-centred way but to embrace our uniqueness and the gifts that show up in our daily life. Low self-esteem puts the brake on our personal growth by restricting our concept of self, insofar as we may never reach our full potential if we entertain recurring thoughts of low self-esteem. Consider the following thoughts as a guide for reconnecting with your purposeful self and developing a stronger relationship with that self.
If our desire is personal growth, it is vital we understand ourselves better, and know what makes us bloom. We may be aware of our flaws, yet embracing them and moving forward becomes our source of courage. Nobody is perfect—we may spend our entire life trying to fill an empty shoe that doesn’t exist if we follow this line of thinking. Yes, even his Holiness the Dalai Lama is subject to the conditions of human frailty. Therefore, I invite you to stand before a mirror and admire your reflection. Do you like what you see reflected back to you? What feelings arise when you look deeply into your eyes? Some people are loath to appreciate themselves and their body. Whilst you may not consider yourself as important as other people, in your life story you are the hero in your life’s journey.
Do you belittle yourself over small things? Whenever you make a mistake, are you aware of the inner critic inside your head reminding you of your imperfections? Criticising yourself will get you nowhere fast. People who practice self-compassion are more successful in life with a healthier outlook. It is vital to associate with your positive traits instead of focusing on the negative ones. Be mindful you are not reliving a childhood phase of your life by reconnecting with a critical parent. Therefore, let go of your need to judge yourself and move towards a state of empathy.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”—Rumi
When you entertain positive thoughts, you are kinder towards yourself so your self-love and self-esteem increases. Kindness towards others becomes an expression of one’s self-love. You can only give out what you hold in your heart. Therefore, if you believe you are undeserving of attention and kindness, you will likely withhold sharing these virtues with others. Every person is born positive, it’s their environment which shapes them into a bitter or negative individual. Even at this stage, you can still embrace your positive nature. Nothing is carved in stone unless you give it power and permission.
You might not have succeeded according to your terms and definition, yet the definition of success is arbitrary. What does success look like to you? There are many people who never attempt to step out of their comfort zone and yet insist success paves a path to their front door. If you made a direct effort to pursue something you desired, but could not succeed, don’t let that impair your definition of success. Failure is part of the process to reach your goals. Those who succeed will tell you they failed repeatedly before reaching success. Your success is determined by how you bounce back from your failures and the lessons gained. Trying is a big thing. It is not always about winning, sometimes it’s the effort that counts.
Worrying is a futile emotion that is better spent taking appropriate action. Worrying uses up vital emotional energy which can be channelled into developing emotional resiliency and fortitude. The more you entertain worrying thoughts, the more you establish a place in your mind that becomes habituated to worrying. There is a term used in neuropsychology known as the Hebbian theory which states: nerves that fire together, wire together. When you entertain worrying thoughts, you set up stronger neural connections in the brain for the worrying to exist. Set your worries aside since they may hold you back from prospering at greater levels. Surely you want to taste success and transform your worries into empowering emotions, which can serve your greatest potential.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”—Louise Hay
We all make mistakes, some people make more than others, yet that does not qualify you or them to think less of oneself. Holding on to your mistakes inhibits vital neural pathways in the brain from learning. Your brain is engineered for growth and learning the context of a receptive environment. No one is immune to making mistakes. Therefore, learn to forgive yourself by practicing detachment from outcomes. Trust that whatever happened in the past was done so with the level of awareness apparent to you. You were doing the best you could given the resources available to you, thus forgiveness opens the door to help you move forward. Appreciate the lessons gained from your experiences by seeing them as an opportunity to gain the emotional resiliency to fight other battles.
If you’re reading this on a smartphone or tablet, you have every reason to be grateful. If you have access to a computer, you are privileged to have electricity and are more likely to live an industrialised country with suitable resources. Almost three billion people on the planet live below the poverty line and it is expected this figure will rise over the coming years. At the time of writing, the world’s population is 7.53 billion people. Yet, less than half gets by on $2.50 a day. Without turning this into a lecture on why we should be grateful, it is worth appreciating how much there is to be grateful for when we consider those numbers. Gratitude entails being thankful for what is available in our life right NOW. It does not mean being grateful when we gain something of value or someone contributing to our happiness. It means recognising what is available to us at this moment results from the thoughts, beliefs and energy we created to allow us to be who we are. We create our reality through the sum of our thoughts, habits and actions.
Being grateful does not mean comparing oneself to others who are less fortunate; for we are all navigating our own journey in life. People often ask me: “Tony, how can I be grateful when people are homeless and others are dying in third-world countries?” My reply is: “It is your obligation to be grateful not for what is happening in the world, but what is happening in your world.” Consider if every person in the world raised their thought energy to one of gratitude? The collective consciousness of humanity would expand to the degree that poverty, homelessness and other diseases and illnesses would no longer be a threat to our way of life. Whilst this sounds like a Utopian existence, it is conceivable that we can make slow strides toward this possibility if we play our part in the evolution of humanity.
Your Beliefs Control Your Destiny, Whether You Like It Or Not
Are Your Beliefs Serving You?
“You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.” ―Brian Tracy
Your beliefs control your destiny because they are the imprint upon which the future is cast. Take a moment and reflect on your current beliefs. Think about how you acquired them in the first place and whether they have changed over time? Many of us form beliefs when we’re young and hold on to them with strong conviction. If our beliefs are challenged, we respond angrily because of their importance in our lives. But what if our beliefs are not working for us? For instance, I recall growing up, the importance of working hard to earn a living. This became my belief for the past three decades. However, my parents immigrated to this country in the late fifties and worked hard to make a life in a new country. From their perspective, working hard equated to the success required to thrive in their new surroundings.
Nowadays, with the tech boom we have seen countless young entrepreneurs become multimillionaires and billionaires overnight. The painstaking hard work approach my parents were familiar with has been replaced with big ideas and innovation. The point I wish to make is: we must upgrade our beliefs as our life circumstances change. Many beliefs are passed down from one generation to another and are rarely questioned. What about you? Are your beliefs serving you? How do you know? You need only look to your present circumstances to see whether your beliefs are working for you or against you. For example, how would you rate your relationships, whether they be intimate, friends or otherwise? What is the state of your finances or career? What is your health like? We need to be honest and score ourselves in each of these areas to see whether our beliefs are empowering us or working against us.
“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” ―Denis Waitley
Fate does not influence our destiny, our beliefs do because they control our actions. Take for example my mother who rarely drives into the CBD because she believes it is difficult to find parking spots on the street. On the other hand, I have worked in the CBD for years and known parking spots are readily available around town. If I were to drive into the CBD with my mother for a couple of weeks and point out the parking spots, I’m certain her belief would change. There’s a passage that reads: “You must believe it before you see it.” Regrettably, for most people the reverse holds true and this holds us back in areas of our life. Can you see how your beliefs decide what you experience?
Sadly, many people go to their deathbed having lived a less than optimal life and call it fate or destiny. We have far more choices about our life than we recognise. Therefore, we must be mindful whether we are choosing from a place of fear or a place of love. If our beliefs are flawed, we will choose accordingly and call it fate since we don’t know better. A well known example is seen in dating where many people hold a limiting belief along the lines of: “There are no good men or women to date” or “All the good ones are taken.” Have you heard these beliefs amongst your friends or perhaps even yourself? In this instance we are perpetuating a limiting belief based on fear. However, if we buy into this narrative, it will prevent us from taking action to be in a loving relationship. We might avoid putting ourselves out there or build a wall to protect us. Therefore, our belief becomes a double-edge sword where it keeps us safe, yet it prevents us living a richer life. It might be better to create a belief such as, “I am open to being in a relationship with a suitable person at the right time.” We must upgrade our beliefs and challenge them until our life circumstances change. Is this something you’re willing to do? Are you prepared to step out of your comfort zone and challenge long-held beliefs that might be holding you back?
A practice I have used for years involves writing in my weekly journal any limiting beliefs that I feel are holding me back. I challenge the belief and look for evidence where it appears in my life. I then create new beliefs and affirmations to support the shift in awareness. We must change our thought landscape if we wish to change our model of reality. If we don’t do the work, we are likely to call it fate or destiny and lament our missed choices. After all, as the great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung knew well: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
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How To Place Your Order With The Universe
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”
– Joseph Campbell
Life keeps throwing you lemons – you suspect. You’re sick and tired of being in rut, thinking the same thoughts. Feeling uninspired; emotionally drained and lacking direction. Don’t despair – you’re simply experiencing an internal shift.
From time to time, you experience episodes which appear that your world is sinking. You feel helpless and unable to navigate the journey ahead toward greener pastures. You can’t quite put your finger on it, yet something isn’t right – you know that part at least. Things seem harder and require much effort than usual. Everything is a chore. You’re swayed into emotional turbulence at the slightest episode when things not going according to plan.
You’ll be pleased to know that life isn’t always smooth sailing. Now that’s certainly not a disclaimer for a personal development blog is it. The truth of the matter is that like all journeys, the intention to reach one’s destination is usually heralded by a goal or plan. You never anticipate there’ll be rough waters ahead. That you might have to sail your boat in an opposing direction in order to reach your destination.
Your journey is one fraught with great lessons – we often forget that aspect of it. If you’ve ever read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, you’ll no doubt recall the young shepherd boy searching the world for treasure and his personal legend. Ultimately he discovers that in his quest, his treasure was back where he started. He realises during his journey he has become wise, learning a great deal about the world. The journey has not gone to waste.
I am reminding you that every effort, every step, every so called failure is drawing you closer to your treasure – your pot of gold. Nothing is wasted. No effort has been in vain. There is a rhythm and timing to the universe which one must learn to respect and work with. I like to think of it as a giant restaurant taking continually taking my orders. I know they’re receiving my order if I am in alignment with my higher self. Often you may feel disillusioned that your order hasn’t arrived – such as success, the ideal body, romantic partner, ideal job etc. Perhaps the restaurant (universe) wants you to be certain that is what you really desire before responding.
Perhaps it is asking you to reconsider your order since it feels it is not in your best interest. You must believe that it knows best. I like to remind myself that I did not design this vast universe. If I feel I can do a better job, I suspend my judgment by reminding myself that all is unfolding as it should in perfect order. I am merely playing a small role in the orchestration of a corporation which has billions of employees to attend to. I trust that my needs will be met once I am good and ready. Sometimes that may mean taking a little longer than I anticipated.
What shows up in the end is always better than I imagined for myself. You receive not that which you wanted – yet that which you need. Remind yourself that the universe knows best. It takes a great deal of wisdom, patience and understanding to ALLOW this way of thinking into your life.
Think of it this way. If you were sinking in quicksand, your natural tendency would be to trash around in order to free yourself from the doom which awaits you – death! The more you struggle, the more you’re met with an inescapable solution. What if I said to you stop resisting – stop struggling and allow yourself to be still. In that moment, when you stop resisting, you’re able to navigate your way out of the perilous ending which awaits you.
Our human minds often perceive problems as disasters rather than looking for the hidden meaning contained within them. Barring death, every event including sickness and disease is a call at some level to heal an aspect of ourselves which we have denied.
In order to find your treasure, you must let go of past conditioning. Our minds have the potential to heal our wounds or create the same path of resistance. Find time in your day to reconnect with your true self – listen intently to that silent whisper which seeks expression. Sometimes your order to the universe may be coming from a place of scarcity or fear. The universe hearing these words, responds accordingly sending you more of the same.
Change your frequency, much like you would when receiving a bad radio station signal. Tune into a frequency which resonates at higher levels. You’ll know it’s the right one when tasks become effortless, rewarding and bring you joy instead of sorrow.
How To Stay Motivated When You Feel Life Is Against You
How To Master Your Subconscious Mind
How To Live A More Conscious Life
“A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation.” – Neale Donald Walsch
To live a more conscious life means to be aware of ourselves at each moment. If we are conscious, we are aware of the present moment and our inner self is awakened. It is being mindful and feeling the air entering and exiting our lungs. It is being present with our thoughts and emotions. Most people do not live conscious lives in the sense that I am speaking of. They live in their heads with a matrix of thoughts swirling around, and because of this they miss the gift of “right now”; they don’t experience the fullness of the magnificent present. For example, have you ever gone on holiday and suddenly your perception of everything seems greater? You smell the fresh air, smile at the lush green trees and gorgeous flowers, and hear the birds singing a song of hope? You feel more alive and happier because you have forgotten about the hundreds of thoughts running around in your mind and are conscious of the beauty of your present surroundings. Those same beautiful surroundings could be in your neighbourhood, but you are focused on other things to notice them; you do not take time to smell your own roses. For example, do you rush about your day and miss the simple things in life such as those I described? What change could you make to live more consciously and notice the smaller details of your life?
The deepest part of who we are, our consciousness or spirit, longs to be experienced. The problem is that it gets covered up by so many layers of negative beliefs and experiences over the years. Childhood wounds, negative feelings, limiting beliefs, etc. pile on year after year and it gets harder and harder to connect with our spirit. To become more conscious requires a peeling away of these layers one by one. To do this requires being mindful or meditate. To live a more conscious life will require us to slow down, get quiet, and allow the painful wounds of the past to surface so we can process them and let them go; thus, digging down through layers to become in tune with our spirit. As we do, wounds heal and beauty and wholeness arise. It is a beautiful transformation. You might think: “Who wants to go back to childhood and face old wounds?” I understand that sentiment but it is an important process if you want to live a more conscious life and let go of past conditioning and childhood wounds. Ponder these questions: Are you happy with your life? Do you love who you are? Do you experience shame or pain? Do you know your primary purpose in life? Are your relationships up to par?
If your answers to these questions are not what you’d like them to be, I invite you to take some time to devote to meditating each day. Learn to be present with your thoughts and feelings. Learn to sit in silence and let your mind rest. Even just ten minutes a day will be helpful. There are many ways to meditate, but sit in a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths, and focus on your breath. As you inhale, feel the air moving into your lungs. As you exhale, feel the air leave your body and relax every muscle. As you focus on your breathing, all other thoughts will melt away and you will feel at peace. Random thoughts and feelings, such as old wounds will surface now and then and when they do, acknowledge them and let them go. Some call this process becoming more conscious or awakening. The more awakened you become, the more peace, joy, and contentment you will feel. You won’t be lying in bed at night letting your thoughts keep you awake or obsessing over things throughout the day. Along with meditation, you can live a more conscious life by trying to be mindful and present throughout the day. With this in mind, I invite you to be mindful of your thought-life and if thoughts must be there, be sure they are empowering and enriching. Be mindful of your surroundings. Observe the sunrise and sunset each day. Take time to notice new things in your surrounds instead of rushing about your day. Sit outside and breathe the aroma of nature. Become aware of inhaling and exhaling. Feel the core of your being alive and well. Get to the root of who you are. You are much more than flesh and bones. Make it your intention to live a more conscious life and as you do, you will discover what a magnificent being you are.
Is the Pursuit of Happiness an Illusion or a Worthwhile Goal?