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A Leading Self-Empowerment Author, Keynote Speaker and Coach. Your Journey Towards Greatness Starts Here: http://www.tonyfahkry.com/
Those Who Test And Trigger You The Most, Will Set You Free
“You can experience the magic of turning toward yourself when you get triggered and listening to what is being revealed, giving your reactions the accepting attention they need to transform.” — Mary O’Malley
Take a moment to think of someone in your life that triggers negative emotions within you. I realise it may be unpleasant, but notice the emotions that arise when you think of this person. Whilst it is difficult to understand, this person is pointing you towards your healing. They are a messenger to help you identify your emotional wounds. I too have such people in my life and whilst I continue to work through my emotional pain, I can see the gift this experience brings to my life. Healing takes place in layers and often requires revisiting something we thought we had transformed. People often ask me: “How will I know when I have healed my emotional wounds?” When the person no longer inflames the emotions, they once triggered.
As I write this article, I have an image in my mind of a Band-Aid removed from an area of the body when healing has taken place. The reason this person provokes you is that you associate them with your wounds. For example, if the person triggers anger in you, you are likely to believe: “This person makes me angry.” But they are not the source of your anger, they are the trigger for the anger already present within you. Does this make sense? Can you see how they are not responsible for your anger because the anger was there in the first place? I’m not suggesting it is your fault because we all carry emotional wounds. Those who heal deal with their wounds instead of allowing them to grow and fester, eventually find peace and harmony.
Sometimes, we cannot escape our own healing because we have no other choice than to deal with it. We may run away from the negative emotions or avoid those that trigger our wounds, but eventually another person will activate the very thing we are avoiding. We must experience the healing and invest our time to transform our wounds, to liberate ourselves from the darkness. You may ask: What does it mean to emotionally heal from a situation? Why do we want to heal our negative emotions? Healing means making peace with our darkness (shadows) and fragmented parts, by integrating them into the wholeness of our true nature. It means looking at them through the lens of compassion, and love so past traumatic experiences no longer dominate our emotional landscape. It requires resolving anything from our past that prevents us living a joyous and rich life.
“Often, little situations trigger enormous reactions. Be there, present for it. Your partner will find it easier to see it in you, and you will find it easier to see it in them.” — Eckhart Tolle
Sometimes we don’t know what is holding us back from living a wonderful life until we confront our demons. Is this something you’ve experienced before? Have you hit a point where the only way to heal your emotions is to face them directly? Emotionally healing means to liberate ourselves from the negativity associated with the emotions. So, if anger is our core wound from childhood, we will carry it around and when someone activates it, we retaliate and go to war with them. We blame the other person for hurting us when they are merely the trigger, and if you follow the trail, they will help set you free. They are your liberator, if you are willing to go to the source and transform it.
It is difficult carrying our emotional wounds because it becomes burdensome and we may experience an emotional crisis or worse still, a breakdown. For some people, they will run away from their negative emotions their entire life and blame outside circumstances for their pain and suffering. Whereas, the core wound has been within them this whole time, like an animal with a thorn in its paw lashing out at those who help it. But we are not animals, we are sentiment beings with higher reasoning and logical brains. Therefore, those who test and trigger us the most will help set us free, if we are willing to do the work on ourselves. If not, we will find every excuse to be victims and blame those who expose our negative emotions.
But as mentioned earlier, they are messengers pointing you towards healing and transforming your wounds. I’ve written in an earlier article, how the work is never easy and sometimes it will ebb and flow. It will push and pull us and just when we think we’ve had enough, it will yank at us another time. We may be exhausted, angry and even disillusioned, yet this is when we will experience realisations and awakenings in the periods that follow. I’ve been fortunate to heal and transform many core wounds from my childhood and whilst I wouldn’t want to go through the process again, the triggers no longer dominate my life. The negative emotions do not own me because I have made peace with them and seen them for what they are; a smokescreen protecting my egoic self. So, whatever emotional triggers are present in your life, instead of blaming others, trace the pain back to your earliest recollection as a child and gradually heal the wound because your emotional freedom is worth it.
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7 Ways To Accept Yourself Through The Eyes Of Unconditional Love
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Your Beliefs Control Your Destiny, Whether You Like It Or Not
Are Your Beliefs Serving You?
“You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.” ―Brian Tracy
Your beliefs control your destiny because they are the imprint upon which the future is cast. Take a moment and reflect on your current beliefs. Think about how you acquired them in the first place and whether they have changed over time? Many of us form beliefs when we’re young and hold on to them with strong conviction. If our beliefs are challenged, we respond angrily because of their importance in our lives. But what if our beliefs are not working for us? For instance, I recall growing up, the importance of working hard to earn a living. This became my belief for the past three decades. However, my parents immigrated to this country in the late fifties and worked hard to make a life in a new country. From their perspective, working hard equated to the success required to thrive in their new surroundings.
Nowadays, with the tech boom we have seen countless young entrepreneurs become multimillionaires and billionaires overnight. The painstaking hard work approach my parents were familiar with has been replaced with big ideas and innovation. The point I wish to make is: we must upgrade our beliefs as our life circumstances change. Many beliefs are passed down from one generation to another and are rarely questioned. What about you? Are your beliefs serving you? How do you know? You need only look to your present circumstances to see whether your beliefs are working for you or against you. For example, how would you rate your relationships, whether they be intimate, friends or otherwise? What is the state of your finances or career? What is your health like? We need to be honest and score ourselves in each of these areas to see whether our beliefs are empowering us or working against us.
“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” ―Denis Waitley
Fate does not influence our destiny, our beliefs do because they control our actions. Take for example my mother who rarely drives into the CBD because she believes it is difficult to find parking spots on the street. On the other hand, I have worked in the CBD for years and known parking spots are readily available around town. If I were to drive into the CBD with my mother for a couple of weeks and point out the parking spots, I’m certain her belief would change. There’s a passage that reads: “You must believe it before you see it.” Regrettably, for most people the reverse holds true and this holds us back in areas of our life. Can you see how your beliefs decide what you experience?
Sadly, many people go to their deathbed having lived a less than optimal life and call it fate or destiny. We have far more choices about our life than we recognise. Therefore, we must be mindful whether we are choosing from a place of fear or a place of love. If our beliefs are flawed, we will choose accordingly and call it fate since we don’t know better. A well known example is seen in dating where many people hold a limiting belief along the lines of: “There are no good men or women to date” or “All the good ones are taken.” Have you heard these beliefs amongst your friends or perhaps even yourself? In this instance we are perpetuating a limiting belief based on fear. However, if we buy into this narrative, it will prevent us from taking action to be in a loving relationship. We might avoid putting ourselves out there or build a wall to protect us. Therefore, our belief becomes a double-edge sword where it keeps us safe, yet it prevents us living a richer life. It might be better to create a belief such as, “I am open to being in a relationship with a suitable person at the right time.” We must upgrade our beliefs and challenge them until our life circumstances change. Is this something you’re willing to do? Are you prepared to step out of your comfort zone and challenge long-held beliefs that might be holding you back?
A practice I have used for years involves writing in my weekly journal any limiting beliefs that I feel are holding me back. I challenge the belief and look for evidence where it appears in my life. I then create new beliefs and affirmations to support the shift in awareness. We must change our thought landscape if we wish to change our model of reality. If we don’t do the work, we are likely to call it fate or destiny and lament our missed choices. After all, as the great Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung knew well: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
September 5, 2019
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September 2, 2019
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August 28, 2019
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August 14, 2019
How To Place Your Order With The Universe
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”
– Joseph Campbell
Life keeps throwing you lemons – you suspect. You’re sick and tired of being in rut, thinking the same thoughts. Feeling uninspired; emotionally drained and lacking direction. Don’t despair – you’re simply experiencing an internal shift.
From time to time, you experience episodes which appear that your world is sinking. You feel helpless and unable to navigate the journey ahead toward greener pastures. You can’t quite put your finger on it, yet something isn’t right – you know that part at least. Things seem harder and require much effort than usual. Everything is a chore. You’re swayed into emotional turbulence at the slightest episode when things not going according to plan.
You’ll be pleased to know that life isn’t always smooth sailing. Now that’s certainly not a disclaimer for a personal development blog is it. The truth of the matter is that like all journeys, the intention to reach one’s destination is usually heralded by a goal or plan. You never anticipate there’ll be rough waters ahead. That you might have to sail your boat in an opposing direction in order to reach your destination.
Your journey is one fraught with great lessons – we often forget that aspect of it. If you’ve ever read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, you’ll no doubt recall the young shepherd boy searching the world for treasure and his personal legend. Ultimately he discovers that in his quest, his treasure was back where he started. He realises during his journey he has become wise, learning a great deal about the world. The journey has not gone to waste.
I am reminding you that every effort, every step, every so called failure is drawing you closer to your treasure – your pot of gold. Nothing is wasted. No effort has been in vain. There is a rhythm and timing to the universe which one must learn to respect and work with. I like to think of it as a giant restaurant taking continually taking my orders. I know they’re receiving my order if I am in alignment with my higher self. Often you may feel disillusioned that your order hasn’t arrived – such as success, the ideal body, romantic partner, ideal job etc. Perhaps the restaurant (universe) wants you to be certain that is what you really desire before responding.
Perhaps it is asking you to reconsider your order since it feels it is not in your best interest. You must believe that it knows best. I like to remind myself that I did not design this vast universe. If I feel I can do a better job, I suspend my judgment by reminding myself that all is unfolding as it should in perfect order. I am merely playing a small role in the orchestration of a corporation which has billions of employees to attend to. I trust that my needs will be met once I am good and ready. Sometimes that may mean taking a little longer than I anticipated.
What shows up in the end is always better than I imagined for myself. You receive not that which you wanted – yet that which you need. Remind yourself that the universe knows best. It takes a great deal of wisdom, patience and understanding to ALLOW this way of thinking into your life.
Think of it this way. If you were sinking in quicksand, your natural tendency would be to trash around in order to free yourself from the doom which awaits you – death! The more you struggle, the more you’re met with an inescapable solution. What if I said to you stop resisting – stop struggling and allow yourself to be still. In that moment, when you stop resisting, you’re able to navigate your way out of the perilous ending which awaits you.
Our human minds often perceive problems as disasters rather than looking for the hidden meaning contained within them. Barring death, every event including sickness and disease is a call at some level to heal an aspect of ourselves which we have denied.
In order to find your treasure, you must let go of past conditioning. Our minds have the potential to heal our wounds or create the same path of resistance. Find time in your day to reconnect with your true self – listen intently to that silent whisper which seeks expression. Sometimes your order to the universe may be coming from a place of scarcity or fear. The universe hearing these words, responds accordingly sending you more of the same.
Change your frequency, much like you would when receiving a bad radio station signal. Tune into a frequency which resonates at higher levels. You’ll know it’s the right one when tasks become effortless, rewarding and bring you joy instead of sorrow.
How To Stay Motivated When You Feel Life Is Against You
July 18, 2019
How To Master Your Subconscious Mind
July 2, 2019
How To Live A More Conscious Life
“A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation.” – Neale Donald Walsch
To live a more conscious life means to be aware of ourselves at each moment. If we are conscious, we are aware of the present moment and our inner self is awakened. It is being mindful and feeling the air entering and exiting our lungs. It is being present with our thoughts and emotions. Most people do not live conscious lives in the sense that I am speaking of. They live in their heads with a matrix of thoughts swirling around, and because of this they miss the gift of “right now”; they don’t experience the fullness of the magnificent present. For example, have you ever gone on holiday and suddenly your perception of everything seems greater? You smell the fresh air, smile at the lush green trees and gorgeous flowers, and hear the birds singing a song of hope? You feel more alive and happier because you have forgotten about the hundreds of thoughts running around in your mind and are conscious of the beauty of your present surroundings. Those same beautiful surroundings could be in your neighbourhood, but you are focused on other things to notice them; you do not take time to smell your own roses. For example, do you rush about your day and miss the simple things in life such as those I described? What change could you make to live more consciously and notice the smaller details of your life?
The deepest part of who we are, our consciousness or spirit, longs to be experienced. The problem is that it gets covered up by so many layers of negative beliefs and experiences over the years. Childhood wounds, negative feelings, limiting beliefs, etc. pile on year after year and it gets harder and harder to connect with our spirit. To become more conscious requires a peeling away of these layers one by one. To do this requires being mindful or meditate. To live a more conscious life will require us to slow down, get quiet, and allow the painful wounds of the past to surface so we can process them and let them go; thus, digging down through layers to become in tune with our spirit. As we do, wounds heal and beauty and wholeness arise. It is a beautiful transformation. You might think: “Who wants to go back to childhood and face old wounds?” I understand that sentiment but it is an important process if you want to live a more conscious life and let go of past conditioning and childhood wounds. Ponder these questions: Are you happy with your life? Do you love who you are? Do you experience shame or pain? Do you know your primary purpose in life? Are your relationships up to par?
If your answers to these questions are not what you’d like them to be, I invite you to take some time to devote to meditating each day. Learn to be present with your thoughts and feelings. Learn to sit in silence and let your mind rest. Even just ten minutes a day will be helpful. There are many ways to meditate, but sit in a comfortable position, take a few deep breaths, and focus on your breath. As you inhale, feel the air moving into your lungs. As you exhale, feel the air leave your body and relax every muscle. As you focus on your breathing, all other thoughts will melt away and you will feel at peace. Random thoughts and feelings, such as old wounds will surface now and then and when they do, acknowledge them and let them go. Some call this process becoming more conscious or awakening. The more awakened you become, the more peace, joy, and contentment you will feel. You won’t be lying in bed at night letting your thoughts keep you awake or obsessing over things throughout the day. Along with meditation, you can live a more conscious life by trying to be mindful and present throughout the day. With this in mind, I invite you to be mindful of your thought-life and if thoughts must be there, be sure they are empowering and enriching. Be mindful of your surroundings. Observe the sunrise and sunset each day. Take time to notice new things in your surrounds instead of rushing about your day. Sit outside and breathe the aroma of nature. Become aware of inhaling and exhaling. Feel the core of your being alive and well. Get to the root of who you are. You are much more than flesh and bones. Make it your intention to live a more conscious life and as you do, you will discover what a magnificent being you are.
July 1, 2019
Is the Pursuit of Happiness an Illusion or a Worthwhile Goal?
June 25, 2019