I'm so imperfect and why I love it
... Because that's the only thing you'll ever have to make you complete, whole, fulfilled
I was my family's little black sheep. And as the sheep grew, it acquired shades of black that were deeper, darker, denser... Let's say it kept getting bigger in its notoriety! So if I were an enfant mechant, add to it layers of rebelliousness, arrogance, tantrums and a concoction that well describes any troubled teenager.
Unfortunately, I didn't have the great fortune of a Mr Knight come by to rescue me in his shining or Pokemon armor. I had to figure my own way out of "Project Me."
Yes, you heard that right.
I invested hours and months having a meeting with myself. Being my own CEO or founder or whatever... goading myself to work on this weakness, getting rid of that shortcoming or better still, proving to the entire world that I am a changed woman. Not that same wild cat who clawed you in the face if you messed with her, or that same suave egotist who had no qualms in breaking men's hearts.
Point is not that I am a mellower-milder version of me today, point is, why was it so difficult to accept myself just the way I was? Point is why did people around me, you and everyone play such an important role in determining the kind of person you or I should be? Point is why can't you just be YOU. And I just be ME.
Decades of self-reflection has finally taught me to make peace with my imperfections. And this is what I've learnt along the way:
Acceptance of your own imperfections is half the battle won
The moment you accept and adjust to your own flaws, you're a winner baby! Half of mankind on this planet spend almost all of their lives believing and convincing themselves that there's always someone else to blame. But if you recognize that it's not always THEIR fault and it could be YOU too, trust me, you're way better than you think you are.
You need to stop being harsh on yourself
You've been told a dozen times that you need self-assessment. You need to visit a psychologist. You need to do this and alter that. Great. Suggestions from friends and family who genuinely care for you are welcomed but my point here is: Do that self-assessment or visit that psychologist, only if YOU feel the need to get rid of some toxic behavioral patterns. If you do something to please someone, the benefits will erode faster than your mood swings!
Stop working hard towards setting an example
I wonder why almost all of us want to don this hat of being the ideal testimony to mankind? It's not about setting examples through perfections, it's about setting examples by being imperfect, in the midst of imperfections and accepting those imperfections as your very own.
Don't look for others to validate you
For the longest time in my life, I looked for things I could find love in. Things that made me complete. Whole. Perfect. Accepted. Wanted. Desired. It took me years to realize that that's a deathly trap. Waiting for someone else to make you feel perfect, is the biggest disrespect you'd ever have for yourself.
I Am Me
Repeat this after me. And repeat this till you believe it: I am complete. Funny. Different. Intelligent. Talented. Accomplished. Beautiful. Attractive. Hot. Kind. Sensitive. Caring. Forgiving. But most importantly, I'm ME. (You can add your own adjectives here... Anything that defines who you truly are - inside - out).
In the end, my biggest takeaway has been that loving me is easy. But loving me with my flaws is easier. Because it's these flaws that make me complete. And these are the same flaws that'll make you complete.
Our flaws make us human.