You Need To Learn How To Receive! - Vigyaa

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You Need To Learn How To Receive!

If someone is given a gift, it might be hard for them to accept what has been given to them. Instead of feeling happy about what they have received, they could end up feeling guilty.

Consequently, they may tell the other person that they can’t accept what has been given to them and offer it back to them. The other person could dismiss what they say and tell them that they want them to have it.

Time to Change

This might not be the first time that one has behaved in this way, and this may cause the other person to tell them that they need to learn how to receive. Upon hearing this, one might just even up feeling even worse.

What could be on their mind is returning what they have received, so that they can feel better. No matter what they are given, it won’t be worth the emotional cost that they have to pay.

Out of Balance

One can then have the tendency to give other people things but they will do what they can to avoid receiving things from others. Yet, due to giving so much and being unable to receive, they may spend a lot of time running on empty.

Said another way, they are going to be filling other peoples cup but they won’t allow other people to fill their cup. It is then going to be normal for them to suffer unnecessarily.

An Irrational Response

If another person gives them something, there is going to be no reason for them to feel guilty. Accepting what they are given probably won’t deprive another person of anything; if anything, it will fill them with happiness

One is then going to need to look into why they experience guilt after they have been given something. If they were to do this, what they may find is that there was a time in their life when they were frequently made to feel guilty after they were given something.

Early Years

If this was during their early years, it may show that their caregiver/s were manipulative. So instead of giving them something and being visibly happy about it, they may have told them about how hard they had to work for it or that they had to go without to give it to them.

Having something would then have meant that they deprived their caregiver/s and even other family members from having something. With all this weight attached to what they received, it is not going to be a surprise that it is hard for them to receive as an adult.

Final Thoughts

Through being treated in this way, there would have been the guilt and there may have even been shame. If they did experience shame, it would have come down to the fact that they would have felt as though they were inherently bad for accepting something.

​To be able to receive, they may need to question the beliefs that they formed during this stage of their life and they may have emotional work to do. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

Teacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online.

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We, all of us, as we go through our lives, often seek to uplift ourselves above the crowd, or, better put, seek to nail and found our self-confidence or personhood on some personal quality, accomplishment, or whatever we might want to pin our hopes on.

Many, if not most, pin their sense of self-importance, particularly in the present age, on their material wealth or riches. They say to others, my superiority or greatness lies in my expensive car, perhaps a Lexus, BMW, or Mercedes, or my expensive vacation home in the Hamptons.

Others prefer to point to themselves on other bases. Some people seek to uplift themselves by saying, “I am smarter than other people or better educated.” They may point out to others that they have specialized knowledge in some certain field, and so they convince themselves they are in some way so much superior to the “lesser minds” that surround them.

A third group of folks adopt another way of raising themselves above the crowd. They will point to the fact that they are cultured and better educated, and by this method, they see others, and label them at least in their own minds, as ignorant or unlettered.

The fourth group may say to the world, “I have greater physical strength.” Football players and athletes may seek to dominate their environment by this method.

For a fifth group, it may be their appearance or looks that enable them to say to themselves, “I am better than other people.” This is particularly prevalent in our present society. It makes victims, by this false standard, of both women and men.

The sixth group, and this is a particularly sad commentary, may claim that they are morally superior; perhaps they may say, “I have great religious faith,” and for these folks their greater virtue, morality, or faith, at least as they believe, separate them from the crowd.

These modes of pinning our hopes on some quality or accident attached to ourselves is, I think, fallacious. For the true believing Christian, God attaches value to all souls and all people, regardless of their economic status, culture, appearance, physical strength, intelligence, education, or their faith.

In short, one might say that God attaches greater value to one soul that comes to him, than all the culture, wealth, intellect, knowledge, beauty, or strength that others may have.

Let me end this little essay by saying that when I was a younger person I thought culture, education, and perhaps religious faith might be important, or at least I sought to make myself important by these methods. I now know this was a mistake. In fact, by making culture, education, or religious faith a kind of idol, I mistook their use and purpose. Culture, as a term, has no particular meaning beyond the fact that some people, if not many people, enjoy particular artistic products. The goal is the natural enjoyment of those works, rather than the use of them to separate and exclude others. By the same token, religious faith, or Christian belief, is not to be used as a method of barring and excluding the unsaved, but is rather a good thing in that it makes us better people and makes for a better life for us and the people around us.

It is a grievous and sad commentary that humanity uses the many goods that surround them as a method of dominance, exclusion, and the establishment of class demarcations. That is neither the use nor the purpose of the particular qualities and goods that I have just discussed. As usual, any good is corrupted by twisted human nature.

As a Christian, I value all life from inception to the last dying seconds. That is the value God places on all humanity, regardless of race, sex, age or any other factors. In this essay, I would like to talk about the death penalty and why as a Christian I oppose it but with reservations on the issue.

The death penalty spells an end to life. The argument is that the full measure of vengeance by the people comes upon another who has taken a life and this deters other societal miscreants from doing the same. Admittedly, homicide is the most heinous of crimes. Yet as a citizen, as the whole person and as a Christian who sets and understands the eternal value God places on all human life LI oppose it. I do so not because I believe that it does not truly deter future murders—I do—and not because I believe that mistakes are made in the criminal justice process and thus the death penalty may be wrongly imposed—they are. I feel this way because every man or woman, be he or she among the handicapped, the elderly, the mentally disabled, or children not yet born, has value. As an aside, for the same reason I oppose abortion and euthanasia. All life at any stage has infinite value and eternal value. Value is to be accorded to all, not due to their apparent superior intellect, or talents, not because of their superior financial status, and not because they are the ruling of dominant class, sex, or race. Those who think themselves so much better are likely so due to environment, opportunity, or current fashion. The baseball player or rock star is paid millions while Mother Teresa earned little or nothing for all her service to the outcasts, unwanted, underprivileged and poor. She saw value in all not because of what they have but because of what they are.

Jesus Christ, for me God incarnate in human form and for others perhaps a great teacher, forgave the criminals beside him at the moment of his death. He points the way to truth. It is the way of advanced civilization, the way of all the great religions, and teachers, the way of Tao, Confucius, and the Talmut. However disheveled, unattractive, and apparently abominable, there is value in all. I say again that Jesus for me as God is the sole mediator and way to understand what I say here but the teachers I mention here also provide guidance in this respect.

A society that sees no value in life itself—even in murderers—falls short of that respect and devotion to life in all its forms that must govern any enlightened society. It is not the outside of a man or woman I see, but the inside, the inner light. This inner light may be found in all, even the weak and the seemingly unattractive, and yes, even in criminals. Any civilization of society that chooses to exterminate any of its members for facial reasons of justice, vengeance, or deterrence falls short of the measure of an enlightened civilization. Five thousand years or so have passed since the Code of Hammurabi. If we have not grown up from it, let us at least grow away from it. English common law once executed pickpockets. That is no longer so. If we are to avoid the stigma of barbarism, let us once and for all cease what can be said to amount to no less than murder in the name of justice. Let us acknowledge that we do not raise ourselves and our society by placing no value on a life. This is the way beyond the Holocaust, beyond the Cambodian Genocide, and beyond Genghis Khan. Let us take that step.

Let me add something here. I oppose abortion and euthanasia for the reasons I have given here. But the lives of the unborn and those approaching death may not be equated with the death penalty imposed on one who has grossly violated our legal system and taken the life of another. The death penalty does take a life through the operation of our legal system but it is not the life of an innocent or the dying elderly that have had say in the decision taken to take away their lives. This is the point of distinction and it must be considered and heard in this present discussion. There is a question whether the life of an innocent or dying elder with no ability or chance to have a say or defend themselves is the same as the imposition of the death penalty after a find of guilt. It is clear they are not to be totally equated.

This essay is taken, with modifications and changes, from my essay in the book “Select Legal Topics: Civil, Criminal, Federal, Evidentiary, Procedural, and Labor,” Chapter 50 p.162, entitled Why I Am Opposed to the Death Penalty, published by University Press of America.

This is the year. I’m finally going to do it this year. I’m not wasting any more time. I’m not indulging any more delays. This is the year I am exploring forgiveness at a depth I’ve here-to-fore not mastered.

A Deeper Level of Forgiveness

I can allow others to be confused or insensitive or preoccupied. I’ve learned to not take sleights personally. I can overlook the intermittent disappointment.

But there is a level of forgiveness I’ve yet to practice. And that has to do with releasing my Child’s hold on HUGE hurt feelings. In my Adult I can forgive anything because when I’m in my Adult nothing gets too far in. I can handle it intellectually or verbally or interpersonally. But the Child feelings are overwhelming and pre-verbal, necessarily unutterable. They have to do with my very existence, with the validity of the core of my being. In my Child I can be wiped out, completely demolished. I imagine that all the parts of me dissemble and float away and that I no longer exist.

How can I forgive when my very existence is at stake?

Because my very existence is not at stake. It feels like it is to my Child, but what I know as an adult that I could not know as a child is that the light at my core is not diminished, no matter what anyone does or says. Words hurt my feelings or my sense of belonging in the world. But no words destroy the integrity of my essence.

At my core I am one with God. No one created that and no one can destroy that. Verbal or physical insults don’t reach that deeply. And no matter what anyone thinks of me and no matter who hates me and no matter how badly I’m treated, I am one with God.

And from that place I can forgive anything. What detracts at that core level? Nothing human or passing. Certainly, I don’t need to be concerned with someone else’s judgments when I identify with my God-consciousness. And I don’t judge from that consciousness. Not anyone else and not myself.

I can forgive anything and everything. As long as I’m in my God-consciousness. All I have to do is to choose that. It’s always there.

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