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How Deep Do You Want To Go?

When someone gets into self-development, it could be because they have mental and emotional challenges. As a result of this, they can look for a way to change how they experience life.

One thing that they can end up being told is that their thoughts create their feelings, which can give them the need to control their thoughts. Once they have learnt how to master their mind, then, their mental and emotional health should improve.

On The Surface

This is going to mean that all of their attention is going to be aimed at what is taking place in their head; what is going on in their body will be overlooked. Even so, this doesn’t mean this will cross one’s mind.

Due to what they have learnt, they could believe that it is all about their mind. Therefore, even if they were to think about how their body may be having an effect, it could soon leave their mind.

The Answer

If their mental and emotional health does improve by changing what is up going on up top, there will be no reason for them to change their approach. They will have found what they need, thereby allowing them to carry on with the rest of their life.

However, even if this approach doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean that they will look deeper into what is going on. Now, this can come down to the fact that they are not aware that they can go deeper than this.

Another Reason

Nonetheless, if they are curious and continue to look for answers, it might only be a matter of time before they do look deeper into what is going on. Then again, this could come down to the fact that they are not ready to go deeper.

What this could illustrate is that one is carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body; with this being pain that they are not ready to face. Focusing on what is taking place up top is then going to be the best thing for them to do at this stage of their personal evolution.

Still There

Over the years, their mind will have most likely built up many defences as a way to keep this pan at bay. Although this will have caused them to lose touch with a big part of themselves, it would have also protected them.

Perhaps there was a time when one experienced something traumatic or maybe a certain stage of their life was very traumatic. Consciously, one may even have forgotten about what took place, but their body will still remember.

Final Thoughts

When the time is right, one may end up working through the pain that is being held in their body. One thing that could bring this pain up to the surface is if they were to work with a therapist who they felt safe with.

Through feeling safe in the presence of someone like this, what has been hidden inside them could start to enter their conscious mind. Another thing that could trigger this pain is the loss of a loved one or a breakup, for instance.

If this was to happen, it would probably be a good idea for them to reach out for external assistance. They might not feel ready to handle the pain that has come up, yet that doesn’t mean that the time won’t be right for them to face it or that they are not strong enough. 

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To trust someone after being betrayed once becomes difficult. Trusting the same person again seems almost impossible and in addition to that we often find ourselves unable to trust anyone easily. We are humans and we tend to protect ourselves from being hurt again, we tend to envelope ourselves into a vacuum we create to keep people out of the full trust zone and hide our vulnerable self from the world. In doing so we end up pushing away the people who really care for us and those who are actually worth being trusted.

A broken heart takes time to heal. And, unless and until it is completely healed; it would be difficult to move on.

There are different kinds of people in this world -

1. People who do not trust anyone.

2. People who do not trust easily and even when they do trust someone, they keep check of the trust level.

3. People who do not trust easily but when they do, they trust completely.

4. People who trust very easily and trust completely.

The last group of people are more susceptible to being betrayed, that does not mean that the other three groups remain untouched by betrayal.

Where there is trust, there always is a risk of betrayal. And once it happens, there is ought to be pain and lingering doubt. It stays there somewhere at the back of your mind, how much ever hard you try to get rid of the thought.

How do we save ourselves from betrayal? How do we know whom to trust? Would we find the answers in some book? No self-help book or article is really going to answer these questions for you. Search for the answers within.

The second group of people who keep check of the trust level actually activate their instincts, which guide them in trusting the right kind of people and to the right extent. It is only when doubt arises, the instinct fails and they are exposed to being betrayed.

There always is a voice at the back of your mind telling you that trusting a particular person in particular circumstances and with a particular matter is not a good thing to do, it involves risk and it is important for you to be alert. Always heed to that voice.

Once betrayed does not mean that you should not trust again. We must not only continue putting our trust in other people, we must also learn to trust again the person who has betrayed you once. That is, if that person is an essential part of your life. Either on a personal front or a professional front. You have to trust yourself to be capable enough to trust that person. You must trust your instincts to guide you appropriately.

We are often betrayed by those whom we trust and we trust those who mean a lot in our life. Letting them go is not always the option and is not always easy. When letting go is the choice you can make, you are better off without the negative influence in your life. However, when the concerned person is someone from your close circle, letting go is not really a option. We must learn to survive against the negative influence.

Healing your broken heart does not necessarily mean getting rid of the lesson learned from the betrayal of the past. It simply means moving on, in a way that helps to get rid of the negativity attached to the betrayal. The more we think about it, the more we talk about it, the more pain we feel.

To start the healing process, it is essential to detach yourself from the pain. First and foremost, step is to stop thinking about it. It is equally important to stop talking about it. Stop telling others how you have been betrayed by someone and how much hurt it has caused you. Each time you re-live the betrayal, you are allowing the negativity to gain control of your thoughts. And by doing so you are blocking the positivity that would sharpen your instinct and guide you in future.

Second step of the healing process is to forgive the person who has betrayed you. Whether the person is deserving or not deserving is another matter altogether. Forgive the person for yourself, for your peace of mind. You cannot move on without forgiving the person who is the cause of the pain. You need not forget the lesson the person has taught you. Forgiving the person will help you get rid of a lot of negativity that feels likes a heavy weight on your chest. It will clear your mind and make you alert, sharpening your instinct.

The third step of healing process is to open your heart to all the positivity life has to offer. Imbibe as much positivity as you can. Look around you, there are people in your life who are worth being trusted. People who really care about you. People who want you to be happy. People who have positive influence in your life. Spend time with them, share with them and learn from them. Bathe in their love and positivity.

The final step of healing process is to start trusting again. Open your mind to new opportunities... to future. Free yourself from the bondage of doubt and believe in your strength - your instinct.

May your heart be healed.

In today’s world, depression has become a word that carries enormous weight; either for people who have it or for people who hear about it. It could also be described as a modern day taboo, with people often wanting to avoid the whole thing.

However, what is clear is that depression is not something that can be ignored. It is a very real challenge in today’s world. And this is just one aspect of what are often described as ‘mental health’ problems.

This is not something that can be cited as having one cause, as there are often said to be numerous causes. These can be: genetics, diet, repression, chemical imbalance, abuse, illness, the environment and other factors.

And as we are all so different, it’s not a case of one cause being the same for everyone. So as this is such a complex area and not something that can be put into one box; I will cover one of the above aspects that can cause depression.

Depression

On the Google home page, it is described as the following - 

1.Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. 

2. A condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life.

So here, one feels at a low ebb and is unable to feel any positive emotions. Their energy is gone and the will to live doesn’t exist either.

Emotions

While depression is often treated as a taboo, emotions are not too far behind in this respect. They are generally ignored and this is partly due to a lack of understanding in how to deal with them. One is not simply born with emotionally intelligence; this is something that has to be learnt.

And when it comes to how one responds and perceives their emotions, the childhood years are typically the most important time. This time will often define what kind of relationship one will have with their emotions.

This relationship can be just like a relationship that one has with other human beings; it can be positive and empowering or it can be negative and distempering. So emotions can be seen as problems and as something that one needs to avoid or as feedback and as something that one needs to listen to.

The Education System

One of the reasons this time is so important, is that one doesn’t usually learn about their emotions during their years of being in education. Certain areas are seen as vital, but emotional intelligence is a new thing.

This means that the early relationship that was formed with their emotions will generally be carried into their adult years. And it won’t matter if this relationship is healthy or unhealthy.

The Relationship

So coming back to this early relationship, there can be two ways that one can develop in order to cope with their emotions. And this will generally depend on how their caregivers responded to ones emotions as a child and to their own emotions.

Emotional Regulation

Here, a child will develop the ability to regulate their emotions; this means that they will rarely act on them or deny that they exist and repress them. They will be able to just be with them, without getting too caught up in them. And if they become too overwhelming, the child will learn that it is safe to seek assistance in others.

Emotional Dysregulation

In this case, the child will not develop the ability to regulate their emotions. This means that the child will have to either act on them or to deny and repress them. They won’t be able to just be with them and will end up being caught up in them. And during times of being overwhelmed, they are unlikely to feel safe asking for assistance.

Empathic and Unempathic

The first example will relate to a caregiver that is empathic and the second example is for a caregiver that is unempathic. An empathic caregiver is emotionally available and will generally mirror, match, hold and sooth their child during emotional distress.

And an unempathic caregiver will is likely to be emotional unviable. So this means that they generally won’t mirror, match, hold or sooth their child during emotional distress.

These are just general guidelines, as there is likely to be moments where it won’t be this black and white. However, this creates an idea about what it is like.

Consequences

As a result of the above taking place, it is likely to lead to completely different consequences. If as a child, one learned to regulate their emotions through having an empathic caregiver; it is likely to mean that one will have a tendency to either regulate their emotions or to seek support in other people.

And if as a child, one didn’t learn how to regulate their emotions through having an unempathic caregiver; it is likely to mean that they will have a tendency of either repressing their emotions or of acting on them.

Repression

So the first child is rarely going to have to repress their emotions and this means that when this child grows into an adult, there shouldn’t be the need to repress them either.

But the second child, who has to repress their emotions, will likely grow into an adult that continues to repress their emotions. And this is inevitably gong to lead to an emotional build up in the body.

These emotions will have accumulated from when one was a child and all of the emotions that one has experienced as an adult, but denied and ignored.

Different Types Of Repression

For some people, this will involve certain moments as a child where they were abandoned, ignored, rejected, humiliated, felt hopeless, helpless, suicidal, guilty and ashamed for instance.

These can relate to the odd occasion or perhaps when one experienced these things on a daily or consistent basis. This can also include traumatic moments where one was: physically, emotionally or intellectually abused as a child.

And due to these moments taking place many years ago, they are generally blocked from the mind. But the body remembers these feelings and will not be silenced until they are recognised. This creates a heavy burden on the body and can result in a loss of energy.

Emotionally Trapped

In the beginning these may have only been emotions or feelings, but as time has gone on, they have become emotional states and have completely taken over. A bit like how one weed appears and soon after, the whole patch is covered in weeds.

So the fact that there were only one or two weeds to begin with is hard to comprehend and finding the original weeds or weeds can then be extremely difficult. Here one no longer feels one or two emotions, but has become emotionally trapped. And no longer experiences one or two emotions, but a general feeling of being overwhelmed or – depressed.

Two Scenarios

It could be that one has felt this way their whole life or that one felt this way after a certain experience. This could be the result of some kind of loss or traumatic occurrence that triggered emotions that have been trapped and frozen in the body for so long.

For the first person it may be experienced as normal and how life is, simply because they have never felt any different. And for the other person, it might not feel normal. This could be due to the fact that these feelings have been repressed for so many years and this has caused a disconnection to occur.

Awareness

Perhaps one has recognised the connection between how they felt as a child and how they feel as adult or just that they need to be assisted emotionally. And this can be done through the help of a healer or a therapist that will allow one to feel and therefore release their emotions

This doesn’t mean that one will be forever caught up in them. If it is done right, it means that one will be able to let go of the emotions that have built up. 

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