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Do Some People's Childhoods Sets Them Up Disconnect From Their Emotional Self

Although human beings are made up of many different selves, such as an intellectual and an emotional self, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet is in touch with each of these selves. If someone is in touch with each part of themselves, it could be said that they will be operating as a whole human being.

One will be able to think clearly and they will be in touch with their feelings. Through being this way, it will be possible for them to not only perform a certain job well, they will also be able to form deeper connections with others.

One Benefit

This is because their emotional self will be what allows them to truly connect with others, whereas their intellectual self alone is not going to allow this to take place. Furthermore, their emotional self will also provide them with guidance.

So, when it comes to whether or not they should do something or if they should say yes or no, for instance, this part of them will give them the information that they need. This part of them will tell them what their needs are.

It Doesn’t Stop

One way of looking at this would be to say that their emotional self is their inner guidance system. No matter what time of the day it is or where they are, this part of them will always be there.

To live a fulfilling life, it will be essential for them to listen to this part of them and to utilise the information that it provides. Going against this part of them is only going to cause them to suffer unnecessarily.

Off Track

If one was to look back on their life, they may see that there have been times when they have ignored this part of themselves. Consequently, it might not have been long until they paid the price.

Then again, there may have been a time in their life when this was just how their life was, meaning that ignoring themselves was normal. They are then going to be only too familiar with what it is like to ignore this part of themselves.

Inner Directed

Being this way doesn’t mean that one will completely overlook other people needs; what it means is that they won’t be interested in living a life where they ignore their needs and are totally consumed with other people’s needs. Putting their own needs to one side from time to time is going to be radically different to always doing this.

Also, being connected to how they feel doesn’t mean that they will constantly be expressing how they feel, either. They will realise that there is a time to express how they feel and a time to keep how they feel to themselves, containing what is taking place within them.

Another Reality

If someone isn’t in touch with their emotional self, only having a connection to their intellectual self, they are not going to be operating as a whole human being. As a result of this, they probably won’t have a very good connection with their body.

There is then the chance that they won’t have trouble thinking clearly, but that it will be a challenge for them to connect to how they feel and to know what their needs are. When they are at work they could be fine, yet when they are around others, it could be a different story.


Due to being out of touch with their emotional self, their connections with others are unlikely to be very deep. And if they are in a relationship, their partner could often tell them that they are distant and even emotionally unavailable.

Still, one could be out of touch with this part of themselves and not even realise it. There can then be moments when they feel empty, and they may see that they don’t feel strongly connected to anyone, but it doesn’t mean that they will look into what is going on.

Enough is enough

If someone like this was to get to the point where living in this way was too painful, no longer wanting to feel cut off from themselves, others or even numb, they could end up looking into what is going on. What they could find out is that the reason they are experiencing life in this way is because they have experienced trauma.

Disconnecting from their body, along with their emotional self in the process, was a way for them to survive what happened to them. Thus, in the same way that they would leave an environment if it was dangerous, they left their body as it was too painful for them to inhabit it.

In The Past

This may relate to what they have been through as an adult or it could go back to what took place during their early years. If it goes back to their early years, there is the chance that they were abused and/or neglected.

This would have been a time when they were not equipped to deal with a lot of pain, yet their whole system would have felt overwhelmed on a daily/weekly basis. The only way for them to handle this pain would have been to leave their body.


What kept them alive as a child is now going to be making their life harder than it needs to be. Even so, this is not to say that one should try to dive into their body and to deal with the pain that is there.

For one thing, this approach could end up overwhelming them, but, as they have been out of touch with their body for so many years, it is highly unlikely that they will just be able to get back in there. Getting back in touch with this part of them can take a little while, irrespective of how committed they are.

If one can relate to this, and they want to become an integrated human being, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Although having emotions is a normal part of the human experience, it doesn’t mean that someone is born with the ability to understand them. In the same way that someone will need to be taught how to speak, they will also need to be taught how to understand their own emotions.

​Therefore, unless someone is given the guidance that they need during the beginning of their life, they can end up being in a position where they don’t understand their own emotions as an adult. They will then most likely be able to understand what to say to others, along with what others say to them, but they won’t understand how they feel or even how other people feel.

A Frustrating Existence

Instead of being able to describe how they feel, they could just have moments where they are aware that they feel down or are angry, for instance. What they won’t be able to do is to accurately describe what is taking place inside them.

One way of looking at this would be to say that one will have a whole pallet of paints but it will be as if they only have a few to choose from. Through not being able to label each emotion that is inside them, their experience on this earth will be limited.

One Reason

Now, if someone has the need to understand what is taking place inside them, it could be because they are not in a good way emotionally. As a result of this, they can want to understand how they feel so that they can get the right assistance.

Once they are able to do this, their inner world will end up having far more depth and they will be able to put certain labels to one side. This can allow them to get to the bottom of how they feel and to accurately describe what they are going through to others.

Turning Into the Body

The first thing that they can do is to pay attention to what is taking place in their body as certain parts of the body correspond to certain emotions. For example, anger can be felt in the mouth, hands and at the top of the stomach, while sadness, rejection, abandonment and loss can be felt in the chest.

What this comes down to is that sensations are the precursor to feelings; first there were sensations (physical body), then there were feelings (emotional body) and then came thoughts (mental body). So by getting back in touch with what came first – sensations - one can start to understand what came after – their feelings.

A Helping Hand

When it comes to understanding what feelings are felt where one can take a closer look into the chakra system. It doesn’t whether one is on board with this system or not as each chakra goes into where certain feelings are felt in the body.

There is then no pressure on them to become a lifelong student of the charka system; they are simply using the valuable information that it provides. If they have an open mind, this system can greatly benefit their life.

Final Thoughts

For one to go from having no idea about how they feel to having a clear idea will take time. Nonetheless, the effort that they put in to understand their inner world will be worth it in the long run.

Ultimately, what they do will allow them to understand themselves, and this can have a positive effect on every area of their life. The greater understanding they have of their inner world, their better their outer world can be.

When it comes to what one generation passes onto the next, genetics are at the forefront. Some experts say that whatever one generation has, the next are certain to have the same. However, others, through their understanding of epigenetics, have said that their needs to be a trigger in order for anyone’s DNA to have an effect.

And this trigger could be an external trigger, so environmental, or an internal trigger and how one feels or thinks for instance. What doesn’t receive as much exposure as this, is how emotional neglect can be passed on from one generation to another.

No Surprise

But, if one were to step back and look at how the western world is, this is not going to be much of a surprise. And this is because the western world and the countries that have been influenced by it are out of balance. The masculine side has been embraced, whereas the feminine has largely been rejected.

For example, genetics are seen as building blocks and as something that can be changed or removed. Just like how one would build a house, create an extension or remove a part of the existing structure.

Emotions on the other hand, can’t be seen directly, but they can be seen through the consequences that they create. It is also not possible to remove them, like one would move a brick from a house. The masculine approach is all about doing and the feminine approach is about being.

Cut Off

With there being a focus on the masculine or the left brain and a denial of the feminine and the right brain, an imbalance has been created. And that has meant that emotions have largely been ignored.

They are often seen as insignificant and the impact they have ends up being ignored. One can’t see air, but without it one would suffer and die shortly after, if this absence lasted for too long.

And the same applies to emotions; they can’t be seen and yet they define one’s life. If one feels good or balanced, certain things will be done. But if they don’t feel good and are out of balance, it could lead to one behaving in ways that are destructive to themselves and to others.

Childhood Development

So genetics will be often seen as the primary reason as to why someone grows up to be how they are. And when this relates to someone’s emotional development, it could be said that they feel as they do because it runs in the family for instance. Here one might suffer from depression, have what is often described as an ‘addictive personality’ or have mental problems.

And while there may be some truth to this outlook, what it doesn’t look into is the kind of care one received as a baby and a child. The kind of nurturing one did receive or didn’t receive during this time will make a massive difference to the kind of person one will grow up to be.

Through the focus being on genetics, its stops attention going where it needs to be. It is through awareness that change takes place, without it, nothing can truly change.

Emotional Neglect

To be neglected during ones formative years is going to create problems and the severity of these problems will depend on many different things. Two people could experience neglect and turn our completely different; one person could elevate themselves and another could end up living a life of pain and suffering or even commit suicide.

Firstly, there will be how the neglect affects them and how they respond to these consequences. And then there will be the kind of support that they do or do not receive.

Never Again

However, no matter what happens after the neglect has taken place and one becomes an adult, it is likely that one would have said to themselves that they would not do this to anyone. But time passes and one ends up doing to their own child or children, what was done to them.

And as one suffered so much through being neglected themselves, it can seem strange that they would do the same thing to another. Logically this doesn’t make any sense and why would it.

The Cycle

So if one was to work on their neglect through therapy or was able to heal it in another way, then the chances of them passing it on are going to be very low. The problems arise when ones becomes out of touch with what happened all those years ago.

And this is a normal response to trauma, disconnecting from what happened is a way to handle the pain. But although this does allow one to ‘survive’, it also means that they are liable to repeat the same pattern all over again.

This is because the pain of what happened has remained within them and to be around a baby or a child that is incredibly needy and dependent, is going to trigger that part of them that feels the same. And because the child reminds them of this, they will want to avoid the child.

Without Awareness

It would be easy to assume that in order for a caregiver to act this way, they must be bad or evil. And yet this behaviour will be a reaction and not something that they have consciously thought about.

Their pain will be triggered and then the child will be neglected; either through the caregiver physically leaving them or by them being emotionally unavailable. The ability to act consciously is taken away as a result of them carrying so much pain.


What this emphasises is the importance of education, especially when it comes to the area of emotional development. Emotional neglect can cause someone to be emotionally stuck and so it will be important for them to deal with the pain of what happened or more to the point, what didn’t happen, many years ago.

Unless one wakes up and takes responsibility for their emotional development, then there is strong chance that nothing will change and the past will be repeated once again. With emotions being generally ignored in the west, it means that in most cases, one will need to take the initiative themselves.


To heal emotional neglect will take work and patience and is likely to require the assistance of a therapist or a healer. They will provide the mirroring and attunement that one didn’t get as a child and allow one to release the emotional pain that they have been carrying ever since.

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