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Can Someone's Need to be Happy Cause Them Unhappy

If one was to find people who are still at school and to ask them what they want out of life, a number of them may say that they want to be happy. And even if someone as to say that they want to do well in a certain career, it could still be because this can be seen as something that will lead to the same outcome.

The Same Answer

Along with this, one is also likely to find that people who are lot older have the same desire. If this is not the case, it can be a sign that they are already happy, and this is then not going to be something they desire.

Even so, if one was to go and find these people at another point in time, they might not be experiencing life in the same way. As a result of this, they could be consumed by their need to experience life differently.


It is not going to be hard for one to work out why someone would have this need; in fact, they might have it themselves. When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and this is going to cause them to experience pleasure.

One could believe that they have two options; either they are happy or they are unhappy. Their life is then going to be based around pleasure or it will be based around pain.

One Option

Thus, it is going to be normal for them to want to do everything they can to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. As far as they are concerned, the purpose of life itself could be to be happy.

It will then be necessary for them to do everything they can to avoid being unhappy and the pain that this will create. Now, if one is at the beginning of their life, they could be more invested in this outlook.

The Reason

This can be due to them not having the same amount of life experience as someone who is older, and this can cause them to be more naive. They are less likely to have had the kind of experiences that will cause them to question how they believe their life should be.

On the other hand, if one was older they could see that life doesn’t always go to plan, and that it’s not possible to always be happy. One way of looking at it would be to say that when one is younger they will be idealistic and when they are older they will be realistic.

A Time and Place

Still, there is clearly a time and a place for both ways of looking at life, and even though someone who is older could be more realistic this is not always going to be the case. Instead, one could be at the beginning of their life and they may have had a number of different experiences.

It then won’t matter how old they are, as the experiences they have had will have opened their eyes to the world. And if they have a strong need to be happy, it could mean that what they have gone through hasn’t been very pleasant.

Holding On

If one is a fully grown adult, the kinds of experiences they have had are not going to have stopped them from wanting to be happy. What they have gone through is then not going to make them question if they can attain this goal; it will simply make them try even harder.

But if they do have moments when they begin to doubt if they can fulfil this need, it could be covered up. What is taking place within them is then going to end up being ignored and their need to be happy will soon take precedence.


It is then not just that one wants to be happy, it is that this is something that is incredibly important. One will then be doing the right thing by allowing this to be something that consumes their whole life.

That is unless they are able to experience happiness, and then they will be able to settle down and enjoy what is taking place. At the same time, this could be a time where they will be thinking about how long it will last.


Therefore, out of their need to try and control what is taking place, they can end up missing out on the very thing they desire. If they were to detach from what is taking place in their mind, it would allow them to embrace the present moment.

Yet even when they have the desire to be happy, this can also stop them from being able to be happy. On one side, they will be avoiding the present moment, and on the other, they will have the need to do something.


What is taking place in their life can then be harder for them to handle, as they will have the need to experience life differently. If they were able to surrender, they may find that they start to feel different.

And as they believe that they should be happy, they can feel like a failure if they are unhappy. They may find that they start to experience life differently if they were let go of this need.

A Different Purpose

One may find that they will have a more fulfilling life let go of the need to be happy all the time and to focus on living a purposeful life instead. This won’t allow them to always feel good, but what it will do is give them something far more substantial.

There will be good moments and bad moments, and this will be a lot easier to handle when one is doing what matters to them. By doing what gives their life meaning, they might even let go of the need to be happy all the time.


If one has the need to be happy all the time, it can be a sign that they find it hard to tolerate ‘negative’ emotions. It can then be necessary for them to develop the ability to regulate how they feel, and this is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.

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Although having emotions is a normal part of the human experience, it doesn’t mean that someone is born with the ability to understand them. In the same way that someone will need to be taught how to speak, they will also need to be taught how to understand their own emotions.

​Therefore, unless someone is given the guidance that they need during the beginning of their life, they can end up being in a position where they don’t understand their own emotions as an adult. They will then most likely be able to understand what to say to others, along with what others say to them, but they won’t understand how they feel or even how other people feel.

A Frustrating Existence

Instead of being able to describe how they feel, they could just have moments where they are aware that they feel down or are angry, for instance. What they won’t be able to do is to accurately describe what is taking place inside them.

One way of looking at this would be to say that one will have a whole pallet of paints but it will be as if they only have a few to choose from. Through not being able to label each emotion that is inside them, their experience on this earth will be limited.

One Reason

Now, if someone has the need to understand what is taking place inside them, it could be because they are not in a good way emotionally. As a result of this, they can want to understand how they feel so that they can get the right assistance.

Once they are able to do this, their inner world will end up having far more depth and they will be able to put certain labels to one side. This can allow them to get to the bottom of how they feel and to accurately describe what they are going through to others.

Turning Into the Body

The first thing that they can do is to pay attention to what is taking place in their body as certain parts of the body correspond to certain emotions. For example, anger can be felt in the mouth, hands and at the top of the stomach, while sadness, rejection, abandonment and loss can be felt in the chest.

What this comes down to is that sensations are the precursor to feelings; first there were sensations (physical body), then there were feelings (emotional body) and then came thoughts (mental body). So by getting back in touch with what came first – sensations - one can start to understand what came after – their feelings.

A Helping Hand

When it comes to understanding what feelings are felt where one can take a closer look into the chakra system. It doesn’t whether one is on board with this system or not as each chakra goes into where certain feelings are felt in the body.

There is then no pressure on them to become a lifelong student of the charka system; they are simply using the valuable information that it provides. If they have an open mind, this system can greatly benefit their life.

Final Thoughts

For one to go from having no idea about how they feel to having a clear idea will take time. Nonetheless, the effort that they put in to understand their inner world will be worth it in the long run.

Ultimately, what they do will allow them to understand themselves, and this can have a positive effect on every area of their life. The greater understanding they have of their inner world, their better their outer world can be.

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