Oliver JR Cooper's Collections
Although having emotions is a normal part of the human experience, it doesn’t mean that someone is born with the ability to understand them. In the same way that someone will need to be taught how to speak, they will also need to be taught how to understand their own emotions.
Therefore, unless someone is given the guidance that they need during the beginning of their life, they can end up being in a position where they don’t understand their own emotions as an adult. They will then most likely be able to understand what to say to others, along with what others say to them, but they won’t understand how they feel or even how other people feel.
A Frustrating Existence
Instead of being able to describe how they feel, they could just have moments where they are aware that they feel down or are angry, for instance. What they won’t be able to do is to accurately describe what is taking place inside them.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one will have a whole pallet of paints but it will be as if they only have a few to choose from. Through not being able to label each emotion that is inside them, their experience on this earth will be limited.
Now, if someone has the need to understand what is taking place inside them, it could be because they are not in a good way emotionally. As a result of this, they can want to understand how they feel so that they can get the right assistance.
Once they are able to do this, their inner world will end up having far more depth and they will be able to put certain labels to one side. This can allow them to get to the bottom of how they feel and to accurately describe what they are going through to others.
Turning Into the Body
The first thing that they can do is to pay attention to what is taking place in their body as certain parts of the body correspond to certain emotions. For example, anger can be felt in the mouth, hands and at the top of the stomach, while sadness, rejection, abandonment and loss can be felt in the chest.
What this comes down to is that sensations are the precursor to feelings; first there were sensations (physical body), then there were feelings (emotional body) and then came thoughts (mental body). So by getting back in touch with what came first – sensations - one can start to understand what came after – their feelings.
A Helping Hand
When it comes to understanding what feelings are felt where one can take a closer look into the chakra system. It doesn’t whether one is on board with this system or not as each chakra goes into where certain feelings are felt in the body.
There is then no pressure on them to become a lifelong student of the charka system; they are simply using the valuable information that it provides. If they have an open mind, this system can greatly benefit their life.
For one to go from having no idea about how they feel to having a clear idea will take time. Nonetheless, the effort that they put in to understand their inner world will be worth it in the long run.
Ultimately, what they do will allow them to understand themselves, and this can have a positive effect on every area of their life. The greater understanding they have of their inner world, their better their outer world can be.
When it comes to what one generation passes onto the next, genetics are at the forefront. Some experts say that whatever one generation has, the next are certain to have the same. However, others, through their understanding of epigenetics, have said that their needs to be a trigger in order for anyone’s DNA to have an effect.
And this trigger could be an external trigger, so environmental, or an internal trigger and how one feels or thinks for instance. What doesn’t receive as much exposure as this, is how emotional neglect can be passed on from one generation to another.
But, if one were to step back and look at how the western world is, this is not going to be much of a surprise. And this is because the western world and the countries that have been influenced by it are out of balance. The masculine side has been embraced, whereas the feminine has largely been rejected.
For example, genetics are seen as building blocks and as something that can be changed or removed. Just like how one would build a house, create an extension or remove a part of the existing structure.
Emotions on the other hand, can’t be seen directly, but they can be seen through the consequences that they create. It is also not possible to remove them, like one would move a brick from a house. The masculine approach is all about doing and the feminine approach is about being.
With there being a focus on the masculine or the left brain and a denial of the feminine and the right brain, an imbalance has been created. And that has meant that emotions have largely been ignored.
They are often seen as insignificant and the impact they have ends up being ignored. One can’t see air, but without it one would suffer and die shortly after, if this absence lasted for too long.
And the same applies to emotions; they can’t be seen and yet they define one’s life. If one feels good or balanced, certain things will be done. But if they don’t feel good and are out of balance, it could lead to one behaving in ways that are destructive to themselves and to others.
So genetics will be often seen as the primary reason as to why someone grows up to be how they are. And when this relates to someone’s emotional development, it could be said that they feel as they do because it runs in the family for instance. Here one might suffer from depression, have what is often described as an ‘addictive personality’ or have mental problems.
And while there may be some truth to this outlook, what it doesn’t look into is the kind of care one received as a baby and a child. The kind of nurturing one did receive or didn’t receive during this time will make a massive difference to the kind of person one will grow up to be.
Through the focus being on genetics, its stops attention going where it needs to be. It is through awareness that change takes place, without it, nothing can truly change.
To be neglected during ones formative years is going to create problems and the severity of these problems will depend on many different things. Two people could experience neglect and turn our completely different; one person could elevate themselves and another could end up living a life of pain and suffering or even commit suicide.
Firstly, there will be how the neglect affects them and how they respond to these consequences. And then there will be the kind of support that they do or do not receive.
However, no matter what happens after the neglect has taken place and one becomes an adult, it is likely that one would have said to themselves that they would not do this to anyone. But time passes and one ends up doing to their own child or children, what was done to them.
And as one suffered so much through being neglected themselves, it can seem strange that they would do the same thing to another. Logically this doesn’t make any sense and why would it.
So if one was to work on their neglect through therapy or was able to heal it in another way, then the chances of them passing it on are going to be very low. The problems arise when ones becomes out of touch with what happened all those years ago.
And this is a normal response to trauma, disconnecting from what happened is a way to handle the pain. But although this does allow one to ‘survive’, it also means that they are liable to repeat the same pattern all over again.
This is because the pain of what happened has remained within them and to be around a baby or a child that is incredibly needy and dependent, is going to trigger that part of them that feels the same. And because the child reminds them of this, they will want to avoid the child.
It would be easy to assume that in order for a caregiver to act this way, they must be bad or evil. And yet this behaviour will be a reaction and not something that they have consciously thought about.
Their pain will be triggered and then the child will be neglected; either through the caregiver physically leaving them or by them being emotionally unavailable. The ability to act consciously is taken away as a result of them carrying so much pain.
What this emphasises is the importance of education, especially when it comes to the area of emotional development. Emotional neglect can cause someone to be emotionally stuck and so it will be important for them to deal with the pain of what happened or more to the point, what didn’t happen, many years ago.
Unless one wakes up and takes responsibility for their emotional development, then there is strong chance that nothing will change and the past will be repeated once again. With emotions being generally ignored in the west, it means that in most cases, one will need to take the initiative themselves.
To heal emotional neglect will take work and patience and is likely to require the assistance of a therapist or a healer. They will provide the mirroring and attunement that one didn’t get as a child and allow one to release the emotional pain that they have been carrying ever since.
A Few days ago I came across a post that had been shared on a social media site that went into how ‘the world is increasingly designed to depress us’. This was something that had been written in a book and the page that this had been written on had been shared.
It went on to say that ‘happiness isn’t very good for the economy’ and that, ‘if we were happy with what we had, why would we need more?’ There are a number of other examples that are used, but they all centre around the same point: that the world is set up to make us feel bad.
The Last Point
On the last part of the page it says, ‘To be calm become a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.’
Now, on one level, it could be said that what has been said is right – the world doesn’t seem to be structured in a way that encourages people to be happy with who they are and what they have. There is always something else that they need to have and another reason why they can’t be happy.
Based on this, it is not going to be a surprise if someone is not happy and has the need to have more. There is a reason, and the reason is that people ‘out there’ are working overtime to keep them in miserable sate.
One way of looking at it would be to say that one will be a victim and the people that are doing this are the perpetrators. To put an end up this dynamic, then, will require ‘the revolutionary act’ of one being comfortable with themselves.
On another level, it could be said that although there are indeed forces out there that are ‘designed’ to do this, it doesn’t mean that we are merely passive victims. Ultimately, the only way that these forces can influence us is if we give them permission to do so.
Thanks to the glorification of victimhood in today’s culture, it can be very easy for someone to buy into anything that paints them as a victim. When this takes place, they will give their power away to someone or something outside of themselves.
Feeling like a victim can allow one to feel angry and even self-righteous, and both of these things can allow them to feel good, but what this won’t do is allow them to take control of their life. The only way that this will happen is if one takes a look at what part they might (the word ‘might’ is used instead of ‘are’ as this can prevent their ego from dismissing what has been said) be playing in how they experience life.
What is pretty certain is that they will need to be more discerning when it comes to what they focus on and how they spend their time. So in the same way that they are unlikely to just put anything into their mouth, they will need to be careful when it comes to what they put in front of their eyes and the company that they keep, amongst other things.
For example, if one watches a lot of TV and this is having a negative effect on their wellbeing, they can cut down or stop watching it altogether. A big part of this will be for one to live life that is deeply meaningful, as this can prevent them from getting caught up in the distractions and the dramas of the world.
If one doesn’t take matters into their own hands and they wait until the world is perfect (whatever that means), thereby putting their life on hold in the process, they will be wasting the life that they have been given. One reason why one would waste their life is because they don’t value themselves.
It will then be essential for them to work through what is preventing them from being able to embrace their inherent value. This won’t necessarily be easy but it will be worth it in the long run.
While each person could go their own way after their relationship has come to an end; there is also the chance that this won’t happen. As a result of this, it could only be matter of days or even weeks before they are back together.
Round in Circles
In fact, this could be something that will take place more than once, and it could then be said that this shows that their relationship is not very stable. Therefore, even when they do get back together, this is not going to be an experience that will last for very long.
One of their friends could believe that this shows that they are not meant to be together. Another friend could say that the reason they keep getting back together again is because they are supposed to be together.
If this was to take place, it could show that they have a romanticised view of what is taking place, and that it is not possible for them to see that something isn’t right. When someone doesn’t have this outlook, it can show that they are more in touch with reality of the situation.
At the same time, the person who believes that this shows that they are meant to be together could be right and the person who doesn’t could be wrong. Still, as times passes, it will gradually become clear as to who has the right outlook.
And as a result of what is taking place, it could be normal for these people to talk to their friends about what is going on. They might just want them to listen, or they might ask for their advice.
If they were to ask them what they should do, this could end up going in one ear and out of the other. Yet, this can all depend on what they say, and if they are together or have broken up again.
Each Persons Experience
However, although two people are involved here, it doesn’t mean that both of them will behave in the same way. Instead, one person is likely to have a greater desire than the other to get back together.
Therefore, the person who wanted them to get back together at one point in time might not the person who does at another. So as long as the person who is being asked has the desire to return to how things were, this dynamic can continue to play out.
If the relationship was to end and the one of them was no longer interested in going back to how things were, it won’t matter what they do. This will be the end, and one will need to gradually move on with their life.
Even so, when one has just broken up with someone, they may find that they are not interested in moving on with their life. It might be hard for them to imagine how their life can go on without them.
The First Time
And even if one has only broken up with someone once, they could still be in a lot of pain. The next step might be for them to see if they can rekindle their relationship, and there is always the chance that they will succeed.
What can define if this will take place is why the relationship ended in the first place, as if it was over something minor it can be a lot easier for this to occur. If their ex no longer wants to be with them and they are ready to move on, that could be it.
One could then get in touch with them and ask them if they would like to get together, and there will be no reason for their ex to lead them on. If they were to meet them, it might only be to tell them that it is over.
It will be hard for them to hear this, but at least it will give them the opportunity to move on. If they were to still believe that their ex will get back with them, it is not going to be due to what their ex has told them.
Out of their need to avoid how they feel, they could end up believing that their ex will change their mind. It is then going to be important for them to be patient and, before long, their circumstances will change.
In the short-term this will allow them to feel better, but sooner or later they will have to let go of what is going on in their mind and to face reality. Nevertheless, it might be too much for them to handle at this point in time.
What could also stop one from facing up to the fact that their relationship is over is if their ex was to string them along. Instead of telling them that it’s over, they continue to talk to them, and not in a way that shows that it’s over
For example, at times, they could reply to their messages and even speak to them on the phone, and at other times, they could just go silent on them. One is then going to find it hard to work out where they stand with them.
Based on how they behave, one can come to believe that there is still the chance that they will get back together. What this is likely to show is that their ex is experiencing inner conflict, and this is why they are displaying this hot and cold behaviour.
If one was able to step back from what is taking place, they might soon realise what is taking place. The trouble is that they are likely to be caught up in how they feel, and this can stop them from being able to see what is happening.
This is why it can be important for one to talk to a friend about what is taking place, as they are not going to be emotionally caught up and this will make it easier for them to assess what is taking place. The assistance of a therapist might also be necessary during this time.
If one was single and they were to meet someone who showed a lot of interest in them, they could find that they end up being drawn to them. And what might also play a part here is that one may be physically attracted to them.
Through being in this person’s presence, one could start to experience a lot of positive feelings. In a way, it could be as if this person is a breath of fresh air; with them being someone who has come into their life to make it better.
A Fast Build Up
After the first encounter, it might not be long until the other person is acting in a ways or talking about things that wouldn’t usually take place or be mentioned for quite some time. It will be clear that the other person doesn’t want to take their time and to allow everything to develop organically.
It will be like starting in first gear and going straight into the last gear; instead of starting in first and gradually moving through each gear. At this point, one could have put their thinking brain to one side and be completely caught up in what is going on.
So after one has had their first encounter with this person, their phone could constantly go off. This can be a time when this person will message and call them, telling them how much they like them, how special they are and the type of things that they want to do with them, for instance.
This person could also say that they should move in together and go into what their future will be like. Additionally, one may find that this person sends them gifts while they are at work and they could come across love notes and letters from them.
The Next Stage
After they have seen each other a few times or only known each other for a matter of weeks, the other person could ask them if they are now in a relationship. They could even go one step further than this by talking about how much they love them.
And if they do end up moving in together after such a short period of time, one could spend even less time with others. In fact, ones whole life could end up revolving around their partner - someone they have only just met.
On Top Of the World
At this point one could feel as though they are on cloud nine, with them basking in positive feelings and the loving behaviour of their partner. Nonetheless, it might not be long until their partner starts to change.
Now that this person has pulled one in, they could end up trying to control how they live their life. If one doesn’t do what they want, they might find that their partner leaves or that it is not possible to get hold of them.
Hot and Cold
This person will have done everything that they could to warm them up in the beginning and, how that they have them in the palm of their hands, so to speak, they will take advantage of them. Due to their fear of losing their partner and being rejected and/or abandoned, one can have the need to do whatever their partner wants them to do.
If this means no longer seeing their friends and family, putting their interests to one side and/or neglecting their own health, for instance, they will do it to try to regain their ‘love’. Ultimately, one will have become hooked on their partner’s attention or the dopamine that they trigger inside them, which is why they won’t feel good when their attention is no longer there.
Drawing the Line
One could then do what their partner wants and before long, they could pull away again. They might turn up in a few days or it could be a number of months before they reappear.
Clearly, having this person in their life is not doing them any good, and the sooner they cut their ties with them the better. There are a number of things that they can do to gradually get back on their feet and to regain their energy.
A Few Steps
Firstly, it will be a good idea for one to no longer speak to this person in person, over a screen, or over the phone. If this person won’t accept this, one may need to get in touch with the police.
Secondly, it will be good for them to get back in touch with family and friends, so that they can go over what took place and gain their support. Thirdly, taking time to do what they enjoy will make it easier for them to take their mind of this person, and, fourthly, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
It could be said that just about anyone could be love bombed, yet there are going to be things that will make one more susceptible to this type of behaviour. And if one has gone through this experience on more than one occasion, it is likely to show they need to take a deeper look into why this keeps taking place.
However, this is not about one blaming or shaming themselves for what has taken place; it is simply about them taking a step back and looking into what they might need to do to prevent this from taking place again. This is about awareness as if one can see that there is a reason why this keeps taking place; they can do something about it.
A Closer Look
If they were to do this, what might become clear is that they don’t feel good about themselves. Therefore, as soon as someone comes along and gives them so much positive feedback, they drink it all up.
Said another way, they are in a position where they desperately want someone to love them. Consciously or unconsciously, a love bomber realises this and ends up exploiting their weakness.
An Easy Target
If one did value themselves, they wouldn’t need as much from another person, and this would enable them to be more discerning when it comes to who they allow into their life. And as opposed to feeling good when another person comes on strong right at the start, they might end up feeling as though something isn’t right.
They might realise that as this person knows very little about them, it probably shows that they are trying to manipulate them. The love that they have for themselves will also allow them to have strong boundaries.
Furthermore, through valuing who they are, they would most likely have a number of close friends who they can share their life with. These people would then be there to give them feedback and to support them.
Another part of this is that one would also do things that they enjoy and this would strengthen them and fill their life with meaning. They would value themselves enough not to neglect themselves.
If one was to find that they don’t value themselves, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time in their life when they were abused and/or neglected.
Thanks to how they were treated, they would have come to believe that they were worthless and they may carry the pain of being rejected and abandoned. Being treated badly is then going to be something that feels comfortable at a deeper level.
If one can relate to this, and they want to embrace their inherent value, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
There will be the negative beliefs that they need to question and replace, and there will be the emotional wounds that they need to heal. The main thing is that one does what they need to do and doesn’t give up on themselves.
When someone gets into self-development, it could be because they have mental and emotional challenges. As a result of this, they can look for a way to change how they experience life.
One thing that they can end up being told is that their thoughts create their feelings, which can give them the need to control their thoughts. Once they have learnt how to master their mind, then, their mental and emotional health should improve.
On The Surface
This is going to mean that all of their attention is going to be aimed at what is taking place in their head; what is going on in their body will be overlooked. Even so, this doesn’t mean this will cross one’s mind.
Due to what they have learnt, they could believe that it is all about their mind. Therefore, even if they were to think about how their body may be having an effect, it could soon leave their mind.
If their mental and emotional health does improve by changing what is up going on up top, there will be no reason for them to change their approach. They will have found what they need, thereby allowing them to carry on with the rest of their life.
However, even if this approach doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean that they will look deeper into what is going on. Now, this can come down to the fact that they are not aware that they can go deeper than this.
Nonetheless, if they are curious and continue to look for answers, it might only be a matter of time before they do look deeper into what is going on. Then again, this could come down to the fact that they are not ready to go deeper.
What this could illustrate is that one is carrying a lot of emotional pain in their body; with this being pain that they are not ready to face. Focusing on what is taking place up top is then going to be the best thing for them to do at this stage of their personal evolution.
Over the years, their mind will have most likely built up many defences as a way to keep this pan at bay. Although this will have caused them to lose touch with a big part of themselves, it would have also protected them.
Perhaps there was a time when one experienced something traumatic or maybe a certain stage of their life was very traumatic. Consciously, one may even have forgotten about what took place, but their body will still remember.
When the time is right, one may end up working through the pain that is being held in their body. One thing that could bring this pain up to the surface is if they were to work with a therapist who they felt safe with.
Through feeling safe in the presence of someone like this, what has been hidden inside them could start to enter their conscious mind. Another thing that could trigger this pain is the loss of a loved one or a breakup, for instance.
If this was to happen, it would probably be a good idea for them to reach out for external assistance. They might not feel ready to handle the pain that has come up, yet that doesn’t mean that the time won’t be right for them to face it or that they are not strong enough.
Whenever someone spends time on social media, they could end up looking through what their friends have been doing. Furthermore, they could look into what certain celebrities have been doing.
When this takes place, there could be times when they end up feeling happy and times when they end up feeling sad. There could also be a number of other emotional states that they go into when they look over what other people have been doing.
Now, if one of their friends was to share a happy picture of themselves or some good news, it could result in them also feeling good. If the opposite took place, one could end up feeling bad.
What this could illustrate is that this is someone who they are really close to. Then again, one could just be someone who has a lot of empathy, which is why they have the tendency to experience strong emotions when go online.
Another reason why one could experience a strong reaction when they see what another person has been doing is because they have made a comparison. If one believes that their life is better than one of their friends, they could feel good; but if they don’t, they could feel bad.
They might not simply compare their life with other people’s lives, though; they could also compare their appearance with them too. If this was to take place, it is likely to show that one looks to what is going on ‘out there’ to gauge how well they are doing in life.
A Losing Battle
The trouble with this approach is that one didn’t start from the same point as anyone else, and they are on their own path in life. Taking this into account, it would be far healthier for them to compare themselves with where they started.
By looking back on their own timeline and seeing where they started from, they will be able to accurately assess how well they are doing. When one compares their life with someone else’s life, it will be similar to a dog comparing their life with a horse.
A Waste of Time
What will have most likely played a part in why one would compare their life with someone else’s life is the conditioning that they have received throughout their life. Their time in the school system, for instance, will have most likely played a big part.
This would have probably been a time when they were just seen as another child who needed to be educated, as opposed to a child that already had knowledge within them. But if they were taught by people that had also gone though the same programming, this is to be expected.
At the same time, even if one did start off at the same starting point as everyone else and was also on the same path, it still doesn’t mean that it would be a good idea for them to compare their life with others online. The reason for this is that what they see online might have very little basis in reality.
One can then believe that one of their friends is doing really well, yet it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. In the same way that someone can edit their pictures to make themselves look perfect; they can also edit their life to create the impression that everything is perfect.
Just as a house can look great on the outside but be in complete mess on the inside, someone life’s can also be the same. It is not as though it is hard for someone to make out that their life is perfect online.
To create this impression, the only thing that they need to do is to upload pictures where they are on holiday and are smiling. The areas of their life that are not going well can be kept offline.
No Better Off
One can then compare their life with someone else’s life, believing that this person’s life is better than theirs, and the other person could be in a very bad place. This person could even be looking at what one has been doing and wish that their life was like theirs.
But even though this person’s life is not going well, they might be too ashamed to open up to anyone about it. Their need to maintain the image that they have created is going to be more important than their own happiness.
A Big Trap
What this shows is that not only can one suffer if they get too caught up in what they see online; they can also suffer if they use social media to try to make out that their life is perfect. One way for one to stop themselves from getting too sucked into what they see, is for them to think about what they are not seeing.
Ultimately, no matter how good someone’s life is, there are bound to be things that they are not happy with. Everyone on this planet has stuff to deal with, and even if someone is rich, famous and talented, it doesn’t mean that they don’t have problems.
If one finds that they are not happy with the direction that their life is going, it will be a good idea for them to look into what they can do to get back on track. The time and energy that goes into comparing their life with others can be directed towards their own growth.
They owe it to themselves to live a life that is fulfilling, so fulfilling that they no longer need to compare their life with the edited lives that they see online. There is plenty of information online when it comes to what they can do to transform their life.
Quite some time ago I came across a post on social media where someone was basically lamenting the fact that although they were there for their friends during tough times, their friends were not there for them when they were going through a tough time. From what they said, it would be easy to see them as a victim.
This person is then going to be caring and supportive, yet the people in their life are the complete opposite. After reading this post, it would be easy to feel sorry for this person and to want to offer them a few supportive words.
However, while it would be easy to feel sorry for this person and even to see them as a victim, it could be said that there is a lot more to it than this. For one thing, one doesn’t have to stay friends with these people.
Therefore, if they are only taking from them, they can cut their ties with these people. What this clearly shows is that one is not powerless; they can do something about what is taking place.
An Important Question
As they haven’t done this, it will be a good idea for them to reflect on why they haven’t moved on from these people. One way of looking at this would be to say that even though they are angry about this, another part of them feels comfortable with what is taking place.
Consciously, one is not going to be getting anything from this, but unconsciously, it can be a very different story. So, the reason why they don’t realise this is probably because they are not aware of this other part of them.
A Closer Look
If they were to go beyond what is going in their conscious mind and to go deeper within themselves, what they may find is that they feel worthless. Thus, even though one part of them will get angry at how these people treat them, another part of them will believe that they deserve to be treated in this way.
This will be the reason why they tolerate this behaviour, as opposed to drawing the line and finding people that are willing to be there for them. It might be hard for them to accept this, but at least they will be able to see that they are not a victim.
Ultimately, this is just one of the many ways that someone can victimise themselves. What this emphasises is how vital it is for someone to develop self-awareness as this will stop them from having a victim mentality.
Along with this, having an internal locust of control will also help as this will stop them from getting caught up in what takes place externally. This doesn’t mean that this will allow them to have complete control over their life; what it means is that they will see that they do have an effect on their life.
Earlier on I was waiting in line for something and the person in front of me asked the cashier a question. They didn’t receive an answer, though, and this made them turn to me and say that they were being ignored.
A few seconds later, this person asked the cashier the same question and once again, they didn’t get a response. And just like before, they looked at me and said that they were being ignored.
Black and white
As far as this person was concerned, the cashier didn’t want to talk to them. Due to this, it was perfectly acceptable for them to get worked up and to raise their voice when they asked the question a second time.
However, while this was as clear as day to them, I thought that there was a lot more to it. Firstly, the cashier wasn’t even that close to them, and secondly, there were people in front of them.
Perception is reality
Therefore, it would be more accurate to say that the reason why the cashier didn’t reply was because they couldn’t actually hear them. How this person responded had little to do with what was taking place externally and a lot to do with what was taking place inside them.
One way of looking at this would be to say that part of them already felt ignored, with this part of them being brought up to the surface when they didn’t get the response that they wanted. But, as they were unable to realise this, they saw themselves as a victim and the cashier as the perpetrator.
The trouble is that when someone is not aware of what is going on, they can end up playing out this same scenario over and over again. Each time they will blame another person for what is already taking place inside them.
Their conscious mind can reject the idea that they already felt ignored, but their unconscious mind can feel comfortable with feeling ignored. To the deeper part of them, having this experience can be what is familiar and therefore what feels safe.
A Closer Look
During their early years, their caregiver/s may have had the tendency to ignore them. This probably would have caused them to feel angry, worthless and powerless, for instance, and it would have played a part in how they expected to be treated.
Being treated in this way would have been painful, yet they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. At this stage of their life they would have resisted what took place, but as time passed, they would have come to unconsciously crave the same emotional experience.
If the person above did have an unconscious attachment to feeling ignored and they were to heal this wound, it would be easier for them to stay present in moments like this. When it comes to healing inner wounds, the assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.
Over the years I have heard a number of people say that the only reason someone would be depressed is because their life lacks meaning. I even heard a yoga teacher come out with the same view.
But before I go into what my thoughts are on this, I will go along with what these people believed. It could be said that there is no denying the fact that, if someone’s life lacks meaning, they can experience a number of symptoms that are associated with being depressed.
Nothing to Live For
Through having no reason to live, they can find it hard to get out of bed, have no interest in life or pleasure and feel very low. Therefore, if they were to gain a sense of meaning, there is the chance that most of these symptoms would slowly disappear.
In this case, they didn’t need to take anything or to have years of therapy – they simply found a reason for being on this earth. Their reason for being here is likely to involve serving others in some shape or form, which will enable them to feel connected to something greater than themselves.
A New Outlook
Through having something to focus on, it will stop them from getting caught up in the trivialities of life and it will stop their mind from creating problems. Ergo, what annoyed them before might not even enter their mind and their mind will have a bone to play with, so to speak.
One is then going to on the same planet as they were before, but it could seem as though they have woken up somewhere else. And thanks to how their energy has shifted, other people may respond differently to them.
It’s not black and white
However, while part of me thought that there is some truth to what these people came out with, another part of me couldn’t completely accept it. What came to my mind were the athletes who had a purposeful existence but who suffered from depression.
Or is there a chance that these athletes are just making it up and actually lead lives that lack meaning, with this being the reason why they are depressed? To say that someone would only be depressed because their life lacks meaning is no different to saying that someone is only overweight because they eat too much – it has no basis in reality.
A Number of Reasons
If someone comes out with someone like this it could show that this was the case for them or perhaps they have just read it in a book. There are, of course, all kinds of reasons as to why someone would suffer from depression.
Someone like this may have experienced trauma as a child, and this would have had a negative effect on the brain in their head and their stomach. Then again, they may have recently lost a loved one or experienced a break up.
If someone is in a bad way, it will be vital for them to receive the right support. To tell someone why they are depressed without even taking a closer look at their life or their history, for instance, is not going to allow them to feel understood and it might not solve anything.
One thing that social media has given people is somewhere where they can share their thoughts on just about anything. For some people, this is somewhere where they can tear other people down.
Someone like this can pull another person down and they won’t need to worry about getting into trouble. What they say could be aimed at someone in the public eye or it could be aimed at another social media user.
A Few Reasons
One might not like what another person has said or they might not like what they have created. Either way, they will be happy to say things to this person that they might not say if they met them in the real world.
After they have said something online, they may find that they feel better about themselves. Sharing their thoughts online will then have been a way for them to release the energy that has build up within them.
A Short-Term Solution
Yet, even if this does give them a release, it might not be long until they need to have another release. It will be as if there is a continual build up of tension within them that will need to be released on a regular basis.
So what they are doing is not going to actually solve anything and it is also going to cause them to have a negative effect on others. Sure, some people might be able to brush of what they say, but there will be others that are unable to do so.
A Destructive Influence
After they have laid into another person, this person could end up going into a very dark place. Perhaps this person was already in a bad way and, after they were put down, it sent them even further over the edge.
One can then ask themselves if this is the kind of impact that they want to have whilst they are on this earth. They can think about how much of a difference they could make if they stopped behaving in this way and did what they could to lift other people up.
A Big Difference
Not only would this stop them from wasting their precious time, it would also allow them to be a force for good in the world. To make this shift, one may need to look into why they enjoy pulling other people down.
Maybe, it because they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin and need to do this to feel good about themselves. Maybe, they are not happy with their own life and spreading their own misery is the only way that they can keep their head above water, so to speak.
Ultimately, whether they realise it or not, they are always having an effect on others. If they are not in a good way, it can be easy for them to tear other people down and to overlook the impact that they are having.
If one can see that they are not in a good way, and they are willing to do something about this, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
A number of months ago, I heard someone say that they couldn’t live without their partner. Now, this wasn’t because this person was disabled and therefore, needed this person in order to be able to handle life.
No, this was someone who was perfectly capable of handling life by themselves. However, although this was the case, this person created the impression that they needed their partner.
A Deeper Look
Based on what they came out with, it could be said that their survival was attached to their partner. So even though they were a capable human being, a big part of them didn’t feel that way.
It then didn’t matter how healthy their physical body was or how developed their intellect was, as their emotional self was undermining them. This part of them cancelled out the other parts of them.
At an emotional level, there is a strong chance that they felt like a needy child; not a strong adult who could support themselves. Their physical age was then radically different to their emotional age.
Ultimately, they were not emotionally interdependent; they were emotionally dependent. As a result of this, they may have had the tendency to neglect their own needs and to do what they could to fulfil their partner’s needs.
Experiencing life in this is unlikely to have been very fulfilling for them, but it likely to have been something that just happened. Neglecting their own needs would have been seen as a being better than the alternative – being abandoned.
Even if they were not aware of this fear, it would still have had a lot of control over their life. To the emotional part of their being, being left would have been seen as something that would bring their life to an end.
Along with this, they may have believed that there was something inherently wrong with them. Consequently, this would have caused them to believe that their needs were not important, and it would have been seen as the reason why another person would leave them.
Hiding who they are and doing what they can to please their partner is going to be vital. The question is: why would someone not feel comfortable in their own skin and have a fear of being abandoned?
What this may show is that their formative years were a time when they didn’t receive the right care. Perhaps this was a time when they were neglected and abused, which would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way.
Instead of going through the developmental stages, they would have stayed in a dependent state. Not only this, the shame that they experienced would have disconnected them from their inherent worth.
If someone can relate to this, and they want to emotionally grow up, they may need to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
With external support, one can start to work through their inner wounds, and by doing this they can become a more integrated human being. This is likely to be something that takes patience and persistence.
It can be easy for someone to ignore the effect that their belongings are having on their life. Instead, they can spend a lot of time thinking about the effect that their beliefs and the people in their life are having on them.
Consequently, the stuff that they own can end up owning them, and they might not even realise it. As they have had this stuff in their life for a certain period of time, it will have faded into the background.
When it comes to what they own, some of this stuff can remind them of things that have taken place in the past. Now, some of these memories may be positive, while some of them might be negative.
If something reminds them of a positive time in their life, it could be said that it won’t be having a negative impact on their life. Yet, if something doesn’t, it is likely to be having a negative impact on their life.
Keeping Old Wounds Alive
It then won’t matter if something happened a few months ago or a few years ago, as it will be kept alive by something they own. Just seeing this item could result in them feeling down or angry.
Keeping this time in their life alive is going to undermine them. Having one of these items in their life is not going to be good and it will be far worse for their wellbeing if they have a number of them dotted around.
In addition to the impact that something has on someone when they see it, there can be the impact the item has on the energy of where they live. This item can have a certain frequency, and this frequency can feed into the frequency of their house/apartment.
The energy of their living environment is then not going to be as good as it could be. Nonetheless, if one spends a lot of time in their head and doesn’t have a strong connection to their body, it might be hard for them to get on board with this.
Their mind will have the need to see evidence for this in order to accept that it has any basis in reality. To this part of them, something will need to physically affect them to have an impact on them.
If, on the other hand, someone is aware of energy and the affect that it has on them, they won’t need to see any evidence. Due to the connection that they have with it, they will know that it does.
What this shows is that it is a good idea for someone to take the time to think about if something is serving them or if it is holding them back. It might be hard for them to let go of certain things, but it will for the best.
Through getting rid of what they don’t need, they may find that their inner as well as their outer world starts to change. Something simple will have made a big difference to their life.
In order for something to grow and develop, it will be important for the right conditions to be in place. This is something gardeners understand and as a result of this, they are able to create the right conditions for seeds to grow, among other things.
Without this understanding, it wouldn’t be possible for them to get consistent results. And when they don’t get the results they want, they might end up putting it down to bad luck or end up blaming something.
Having the right conditions in place doesn’t mean that everything will grow or that everything will be perfect, but it will yield better results than if one had no understanding whatsoever of how to grow things. So one will need to have the right understanding on one side and on the other, the right conditions will need to be in place.
It is clear that seeds are not the only things that need the right conditions in order to grow, and that human beings are exactly the same. One can have the need to express themselves in a certain way, but if they are not in the right environment, it will be a challenge for them to do this.
Just as one could be in the right environment, but if they haven’t got the drive to do anything, it won’t matter. The key to growth and development then, is to have the desire to grow and for one to spend time in the right environments.
In The beginning
When one is born, they will have the need to experience certain things in order for them to grow and develop. However, while the need is there, the environment they are born into might not have allowed them to fulfil their developmental needs.
This could mean that one had to go without having certain needs met or it could mean it was far worse and that they were completely neglected. What happened during this time was largely out of one’s hands.
As an adult, one has far more control than they did during their childhood and this means that their childhood doesn’t have to define their life. This is a time where one can not only get in touch with their need to grow and develop; they can also get themselves into the environments that will enable them to fulfil this need.
What one needs to work on as an adult can all depend on what happened during their childhood. If one’s needs and feelings were ignored as a child, it could mean that one is unaware of their needs and feelings as an adult.
When it comes to one’s emotions for instance, the ideal with be for them to not only be in touch with them, but to also feel comfortable with them. This will mean that one won’t be disconnected from their emotions and neither will they feel as though certain emotions are unacceptable.
But due to what happened during their childhood, one can end up being disconnected from certain emotions. Through how the people around them responded to their emotions and how they expressed their own, one might believe that not all emotions are acceptable.
This sets one up to disconnect from certain emotions and they are then in conflict with them themselves. And just because one disconnects from them, it doesn’t mean they will just disappear.
Every emotion that one has is there for a reason and what can define whether they are good or bad is how one allows an emotion to effect them and the effect it has on others. Just as a knife can be seen as in a positive light if one was to use it to cut food or to eat for instance, but if they were to cut themselves or others, it would be seen in a negative light.
It all comes down to how one responds to how they feel and in the case of a knife, how they use it. One thing that emotions do is provide one with guidance and this can let them know if they are on track and if others are respecting their boundaries.
Yet, if one has disconnected from their emotions or a certain emotion, it might not be possible for them to know if they are on track or if their boundaries are being crossed. One is then not working with themselves, they are working against themselves.
And one emotion that people can end up disconnecting from is anger. But while anger is often seen as a ‘negative emotion’, it plays an important role. In order for one to have a sense of self, they will need to be in touch with their anger.
This is because it will let them know if they are being compromised or violated by others. Just as their anger will give them the power they need to take action. So if one is out of touch with their anger, it will appear in other ways.
Without one having the connection to their anger, they can end up feeling depressed. This can be because they are unaware of their need to speak up, to take action and to acknowledge what is not working in their life.
Another thing that can happen is that one can come across as being apathetic. Nothing bothers them and this is going to mean that it doesn’t matter what happens; as they won’t feel the need to do anything. And because they don’t do anything, there are going to me even more reasons for them to be apathetic.
Their anger could also be known through passive aggressive behaviour. Here, one could turn up late for things, go silent and forget to do things. This shows that even though one might not be able to acknowledge how they feel, it is still having an effect on their behaviour.
Coming across as sarcastic is another thing that can happen when one has lost touch with their anger. This is an indirect way for them to release what has built up within them and it can be done without one having to accept how they feel.
These are just a few things that can occur when one disconnects from their anger. It can also affect one’s body and cause them to have skin problems. One will need to integrate their anger and this can be done by one looking at the associations they have formed around it.
As they start to think about why they reject their anger, they might find that it comes down to the fear of being harmed and/or abandoned. The reason they have these fears could be because of what happened when they were younger.
This could have been a time when one was harmed and/or abandoned for showing their anger. The emotional experiences of the past have then remained in their body and need to be processed in order one to feel that it is safe for them to integrate their anger.
The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group may be needed here.
If one was to find people who are still at school and to ask them what they want out of life, a number of them may say that they want to be happy. And even if someone as to say that they want to do well in a certain career, it could still be because this can be seen as something that will lead to the same outcome.
The Same Answer
Along with this, one is also likely to find that people who are lot older have the same desire. If this is not the case, it can be a sign that they are already happy, and this is then not going to be something they desire.
Even so, if one was to go and find these people at another point in time, they might not be experiencing life in the same way. As a result of this, they could be consumed by their need to experience life differently.
It is not going to be hard for one to work out why someone would have this need; in fact, they might have it themselves. When one is happy, they are going to feel good, and this is going to cause them to experience pleasure.
One could believe that they have two options; either they are happy or they are unhappy. Their life is then going to be based around pleasure or it will be based around pain.
Thus, it is going to be normal for them to want to do everything they can to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. As far as they are concerned, the purpose of life itself could be to be happy.
It will then be necessary for them to do everything they can to avoid being unhappy and the pain that this will create. Now, if one is at the beginning of their life, they could be more invested in this outlook.
This can be due to them not having the same amount of life experience as someone who is older, and this can cause them to be more naive. They are less likely to have had the kind of experiences that will cause them to question how they believe their life should be.
On the other hand, if one was older they could see that life doesn’t always go to plan, and that it’s not possible to always be happy. One way of looking at it would be to say that when one is younger they will be idealistic and when they are older they will be realistic.
A Time and Place
Still, there is clearly a time and a place for both ways of looking at life, and even though someone who is older could be more realistic this is not always going to be the case. Instead, one could be at the beginning of their life and they may have had a number of different experiences.
It then won’t matter how old they are, as the experiences they have had will have opened their eyes to the world. And if they have a strong need to be happy, it could mean that what they have gone through hasn’t been very pleasant.
If one is a fully grown adult, the kinds of experiences they have had are not going to have stopped them from wanting to be happy. What they have gone through is then not going to make them question if they can attain this goal; it will simply make them try even harder.
But if they do have moments when they begin to doubt if they can fulfil this need, it could be covered up. What is taking place within them is then going to end up being ignored and their need to be happy will soon take precedence.
It is then not just that one wants to be happy, it is that this is something that is incredibly important. One will then be doing the right thing by allowing this to be something that consumes their whole life.
That is unless they are able to experience happiness, and then they will be able to settle down and enjoy what is taking place. At the same time, this could be a time where they will be thinking about how long it will last.
Therefore, out of their need to try and control what is taking place, they can end up missing out on the very thing they desire. If they were to detach from what is taking place in their mind, it would allow them to embrace the present moment.
Yet even when they have the desire to be happy, this can also stop them from being able to be happy. On one side, they will be avoiding the present moment, and on the other, they will have the need to do something.
What is taking place in their life can then be harder for them to handle, as they will have the need to experience life differently. If they were able to surrender, they may find that they start to feel different.
And as they believe that they should be happy, they can feel like a failure if they are unhappy. They may find that they start to experience life differently if they were let go of this need.
A Different Purpose
One may find that they will have a more fulfilling life let go of the need to be happy all the time and to focus on living a purposeful life instead. This won’t allow them to always feel good, but what it will do is give them something far more substantial.
There will be good moments and bad moments, and this will be a lot easier to handle when one is doing what matters to them. By doing what gives their life meaning, they might even let go of the need to be happy all the time.
If one has the need to be happy all the time, it can be a sign that they find it hard to tolerate ‘negative’ emotions. It can then be necessary for them to develop the ability to regulate how they feel, and this is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
In today’s world, depression has become a word that carries enormous weight; either for people who have it or for people who hear about it. It could also be described as a modern day taboo, with people often wanting to avoid the whole thing.
However, what is clear is that depression is not something that can be ignored. It is a very real challenge in today’s world. And this is just one aspect of what are often described as ‘mental health’ problems.
This is not something that can be cited as having one cause, as there are often said to be numerous causes. These can be: genetics, diet, repression, chemical imbalance, abuse, illness, the environment and other factors.
And as we are all so different, it’s not a case of one cause being the same for everyone. So as this is such a complex area and not something that can be put into one box; I will cover one of the above aspects that can cause depression.
On the Google home page, it is described as the following -
1.Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
2. A condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life.
So here, one feels at a low ebb and is unable to feel any positive emotions. Their energy is gone and the will to live doesn’t exist either.
While depression is often treated as a taboo, emotions are not too far behind in this respect. They are generally ignored and this is partly due to a lack of understanding in how to deal with them. One is not simply born with emotionally intelligence; this is something that has to be learnt.
And when it comes to how one responds and perceives their emotions, the childhood years are typically the most important time. This time will often define what kind of relationship one will have with their emotions.
This relationship can be just like a relationship that one has with other human beings; it can be positive and empowering or it can be negative and distempering. So emotions can be seen as problems and as something that one needs to avoid or as feedback and as something that one needs to listen to.
The Education System
One of the reasons this time is so important, is that one doesn’t usually learn about their emotions during their years of being in education. Certain areas are seen as vital, but emotional intelligence is a new thing.
This means that the early relationship that was formed with their emotions will generally be carried into their adult years. And it won’t matter if this relationship is healthy or unhealthy.
So coming back to this early relationship, there can be two ways that one can develop in order to cope with their emotions. And this will generally depend on how their caregivers responded to ones emotions as a child and to their own emotions.
Here, a child will develop the ability to regulate their emotions; this means that they will rarely act on them or deny that they exist and repress them. They will be able to just be with them, without getting too caught up in them. And if they become too overwhelming, the child will learn that it is safe to seek assistance in others.
In this case, the child will not develop the ability to regulate their emotions. This means that the child will have to either act on them or to deny and repress them. They won’t be able to just be with them and will end up being caught up in them. And during times of being overwhelmed, they are unlikely to feel safe asking for assistance.
Empathic and Unempathic
The first example will relate to a caregiver that is empathic and the second example is for a caregiver that is unempathic. An empathic caregiver is emotionally available and will generally mirror, match, hold and sooth their child during emotional distress.
And an unempathic caregiver will is likely to be emotional unviable. So this means that they generally won’t mirror, match, hold or sooth their child during emotional distress.
These are just general guidelines, as there is likely to be moments where it won’t be this black and white. However, this creates an idea about what it is like.
As a result of the above taking place, it is likely to lead to completely different consequences. If as a child, one learned to regulate their emotions through having an empathic caregiver; it is likely to mean that one will have a tendency to either regulate their emotions or to seek support in other people.
And if as a child, one didn’t learn how to regulate their emotions through having an unempathic caregiver; it is likely to mean that they will have a tendency of either repressing their emotions or of acting on them.
So the first child is rarely going to have to repress their emotions and this means that when this child grows into an adult, there shouldn’t be the need to repress them either.
But the second child, who has to repress their emotions, will likely grow into an adult that continues to repress their emotions. And this is inevitably gong to lead to an emotional build up in the body.
These emotions will have accumulated from when one was a child and all of the emotions that one has experienced as an adult, but denied and ignored.
Different Types Of Repression
For some people, this will involve certain moments as a child where they were abandoned, ignored, rejected, humiliated, felt hopeless, helpless, suicidal, guilty and ashamed for instance.
These can relate to the odd occasion or perhaps when one experienced these things on a daily or consistent basis. This can also include traumatic moments where one was: physically, emotionally or intellectually abused as a child.
And due to these moments taking place many years ago, they are generally blocked from the mind. But the body remembers these feelings and will not be silenced until they are recognised. This creates a heavy burden on the body and can result in a loss of energy.
In the beginning these may have only been emotions or feelings, but as time has gone on, they have become emotional states and have completely taken over. A bit like how one weed appears and soon after, the whole patch is covered in weeds.
So the fact that there were only one or two weeds to begin with is hard to comprehend and finding the original weeds or weeds can then be extremely difficult. Here one no longer feels one or two emotions, but has become emotionally trapped. And no longer experiences one or two emotions, but a general feeling of being overwhelmed or – depressed.
It could be that one has felt this way their whole life or that one felt this way after a certain experience. This could be the result of some kind of loss or traumatic occurrence that triggered emotions that have been trapped and frozen in the body for so long.
For the first person it may be experienced as normal and how life is, simply because they have never felt any different. And for the other person, it might not feel normal. This could be due to the fact that these feelings have been repressed for so many years and this has caused a disconnection to occur.
Perhaps one has recognised the connection between how they felt as a child and how they feel as adult or just that they need to be assisted emotionally. And this can be done through the help of a healer or a therapist that will allow one to feel and therefore release their emotions
This doesn’t mean that one will be forever caught up in them. If it is done right, it means that one will be able to let go of the emotions that have built up.
Once someone has read a book, they can to leave a review on a popular website, and this can take place even if they have bought the book offline. In addition to this, they can also leave a review if they bought the book on another site.
However, even though one has the opportunity to do this, it doesn’t mean that they will. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean they didn’t enjoy the book; it could simply come down to the fact that they can’t be bothered.
For example, when one has read the book, they could end up moving onto the next one. Or, they could have other things that consume their attention, and this could show that they don’t even think about leaving one.
If they enjoyed reading the book, they might not feel the need to do anything else; it is then going to be as if they have got what they need and that’s all there is to it. But even if they didn’t enjoy reading it, they could still move on.
This could be different if one reads a lot of books and their friends are also the same. In this case, they could talk to them about what they thought of it, and one could tell them to read it if they enjoyed it.
Yet, if they didn’t enjoy it, they could still recommend it, and this can show that they don’t believe that their view is the only view. Alternatively, they could say that it’s not a good book and that they shouldn’t waste their time with it.
If one was to read a book and they felt the need to leave a review, it could be sad that there is a strong chance that it wasn’t what they expected. There could be a number of things that they didn’t like about it.
Having said that, it could be far worse than this, and one could wonder why it was ever published. This is then similar to how people are more likely to talk about a bad meal than a good one.
It is said that human beings are programmed to focus on negativity, and this is seen as something that would have kept them alive in the past. As if one was to focus on the positive, their life might improve, but if they avoided the negative, they could die.
Times have now changed and it is no longer necessary to behave in his way, however, the brain is still responding to how life used to be. Therefore, if one was to read a book and it blew them away, for instance, it is not going to have the same effect as it would if it didn’t meet their expectations.
Out of Balance
Based on this, it could be said that it can be a challenge to understand how good a book is simply by looking through what people have said. With this in mind, one could miss out on a good book if they were to purely listen to what other people have said.
But if they were to allow other people to decide for them, it could be said that this will also be a result of evolution. Many, many years ago, doing what other people did would have also increased their chances of survival.
During this time, if one was to see a lot of people running and they were to think about what is going on, they could end up being eaten alive. It would have been in their best interest to do what other people were doing.
Going along with others would have been the best thing to do; whereas if would have been a risk for people to come to their own conclusions. Nowadays, even though it is generally in one’s best interest to think for themselves, it can be easier to follow the crowd.
Taking the Plunge
If one was to buy a book even though the reviews were not all positive, they could be in for a pleasant surprise. They could find it hard to understand why other people didn’t have the same outlook.
At the same time, they could read a book that has only received positive reviews and end up feeling disappointed. In the first example, they would have used their own brain and, in the second example, they would have put it to one side.
If one was to reflect on this, they might see that it shows how they can’t always trust what other people say. When it comes to someone who has written a book (or a number of them), they could end up experiencing a negative reaction if another person was to leave a negative review.
What they could do here is to step back from how they feel and to look into what has been said. At this time, they could think about how this only going to be the other persons opinion.
A Subjective Experience
Ultimately, no matter what their book is like, it is not going to be possible for everyone to like it. When they read their book, there is the chance that this person was comparing it to another one they had read.
This can then mean that it doesn’t match up with this book, and this can be a book that also has negative reviews. If they have left a really bad review, it can be a sign that they are not currently in a good place themselves.
While one can be affected by what has been said, they might not respond in this way if they knew who wrote it. For example, if an athlete had just performed at their best and another person who had no idea what they were talking about said it was rubbish, there would be no reason for them to take it seriously.
One can see if there is anything positive to take from it, and if there isn’t, they can ignore it; what matters is that they don’t allow a negative review to hold them back. And if they don’t write to please others, it will be easier for them to keep going.
About Author -
There are lots of ways for people to define themselves and to give their life meaning. And one of the ways that this can be done is for someone to get into astrology. In the western world, this will often involve someone finding out about their star sign and then seeing how they match up with it.
There is going to be the chance that one finds that their sign matches them perfectly. For others, it could be something that partly reflects who they are. And on the other side of the spectrum, it could be something has no relevance to who they are.
How someone responds to their sign can all depend on what they are like. Some people are critical and even sceptical and will dismiss most of what they here. Whereas other people will simply accept everything that is associated with their sign and they won’t question any of it.
And what this comes down to is the fact that it is possible for human beings to see what they want to see, and to filter out what they don’t want to see. It will be possible for someone to look at each of the twelve signs and find something they can relate to.
This is to be expected, as human beings are multifaceted. So for someone to form an identity based on their star sign or to form an opinion of someone else based on their star sign is bound to be limiting.
One is putting themselves in a box and cutting themselves of from every other part of their nature. And through doing this to others, it is not going to be possible for them to see other people differently.
And although people often believe that their star sign is all there is to astrology, it is just one sign. Their star sign is just one part of their birth chart, and this chart is made up of many signs.
Without even going into the birth chart, what this reflects is the fact human beings are not one dimensional. Similarly to how men are not all the same and neither are women, there is so much variation in life.
The World Is Our Mirror
If someone has formed an idea of someone, based on their star sign, there is the chance that their mind will filter out anything that goes this idea. This idea is not only going to shape the perception that one has of another; it is also going to shape their behaviour.
This can then lead to what is classed as a self fulfilling prophecy. If one responds to others in a certain way, they are going to influence how others respond to them. One could then take this as a confirmation of what people are like who have a certain sign; taking on the position of being nothing more than an observer of what is taking place.
However, what they are overlooking is the part they have played. And how human beings are not only the observers of what they experience, they are also the co-creators.
One could have a pattern in their life of being around people who act in a certain way. One approach would be to say that this is due to these peoples star signs and that they are all like it. And yet, if one has a pattern of attracting people into their life who are a certain way, it might be beneficial to put astrology to one side.
It wouldn’t be hard to find two people of the same sign who are extremely different. One of them could be described as ‘good’, and the other could be described as ‘bad’. Instead of looking eternally and labelling people with a certain sign as being the problem, one could look at what is going on within themselves.
Pros And Cons
No matter whether one is talking about astrology or going on holiday, there are pro and cons to everything. But if one was to focus purely on what is wrong with something, they are going to miss out on what is good about it.
One approach would be to step back from ones judgements and to see what is taking place within themselves. For if one continues to have challenges with people who are a certain sign, perhaps they are they are reminding them of what they need to heal within themselves.
Someone could point the finger at someone’s sign or they could find something else to focus on, but what is clear is their buttons are being pressed. So one either has the change to allow another to be a mirror and to see what they are being reminded off, or they can lose touch with what is taking place internally and simply blame another.
The first approach will allow one to evolve; the second approach will cause one to stay where they are.
If someone who had a painful childhood was to talk about what took place to another person, they may end up being told that they need to forgive their parents. This could be something that they come out with more or less straight away or it may have taken a while.
Furthermore, one could be told that what they went through is all in the past and now they need to put it behind them. And that if they don’t do this, it will stop them from being able to live a good life.
A Heavy Weight
Thus, in the same way that an anchor will stop a ship from moving forward, their attachment to the past will do the same thing. The sooner they are able to see this, the sooner they will be able to let go of what took place all those years ago.
Forgiving their parents for what happened is going to be essential if they want to let go of the pain that they are in and to experience inner peace. This could be something that takes place directly or they could write a letter and send it to them.
Once this has taken place, they may find that they start to feel better. Also, the person who told them to do this, along with a number of other people, could say that they did the right thing.
The days and weeks could go by and their life could continue to improve, with it being clear that they made the right decision. Then again, what they may find is that they have simply pushed down their true feelings and are living in denial.
A Different Approach
Although forgiveness was put forward as the solution to what they were going through, it doesn’t mean it is the right solution. One way of looking at it would be to say that it doesn’t matter whether they forgive their parents or not; what matters is that they heal their inner wounds.
A number of years may have passed since they were a child, but the pain that they experienced during this time is still going to be held in their body. And, unless they work through this pain, it is likely to be more or less impossible for them to move on.
A big part of them – their inner child – is going to be in a lot of pain, and this part of them will want to be acknowledged and to express all of the pain that it has carried for so long. Unsurprisingly, they are not going to resolve this pain by simply forgiving their parents.
If their emotional pain was solely caused by the thoughts in their head, this approach might work. Yet, as emotional pain is held in their body, changing their thoughts is not going to get to the root of what they are experiencing.
By healing their inner wounds, they may start to experience compassion towards their parents. If so, they won’t need to force themselves to forgive them; it will be a by-product of healing themselves.
They may also gradually come to see their parents are just flawed human beings, not as gods. This would show that they are seeing them through adult eyes, as opposed to the eyes of their wounded inner child.
If someone is in a lot of pain, and they want to heal their winner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Just because super heroes are not real people, it doesn’t mean that some people don’t try to mimic them in the real world. When this takes place, someone can have the tendency to try to save/rescue others.
These are unlikely to be people who are stuck in a burning building or who are about to be crushed, for instance, but they are going to have problems. They could have emotional problems, be stuck in unfulfilling relationships or just feel a bit lost in life, amongst other things.
A Strong Attraction
Yet, regardless of what they are going through, someone will be drawn to them like a magnet is drawn to metal. Their life can be put to one side, that’s if they have much of a life, and their whole focus can be on another person’s life.
It might not even matter if another person has asked for their help as they could literally steamroll in and give it to them anyway. This could be just one more person in their life who they are trying to fix.
From the outside, it may seem as though they don’t have needs or that they always put other people’s needs before their own. In reality, someone like this probably feels ashamed of their own needs, which is why they are so consumed with other people’s needs.
Not only this, they can also feel extremely incapable at a deeper level, with this being the reason why they believe that other people need to be fixed. But, due to being out of touch with this part of themselves, they project how they feel into others.
Taking this into account, being there for others in this way allows them to keep their true feelings at bay. What this also means is that their true intention is not to actually assist another; it is keep them were they are or to allow them to rise slightly higher.
The reason for this is that if another person was to actually get back on their feet, they would no longer be able to project how they feel into them. It is then going to be essential for them to make sure that another person continues to play the same role or else they might have to face with their own inner wounds.
Someone like this can then come across as being capable and even powerful, yet this is likely to have very little in common with how they truly feel. If they actually felt capable, there would be no need for them to believe that other people need to be saved.
They might see that there at times when people need help, but this is going to be radically different. Offering assistance is not the same as trying to save/rescue another; the former will empower them and allow them to stand on their own two feet, while the latter will disempower them and set them up to be dependent.
If someone can see that they have the inclination to try to fix others, overlooking their own needs in the process and setting others up to be dependent on them in one way or another, they may need to reach out for external support. By having this external support, it will allow them to face the pain within them that they have been trying to avoid for so long.
This support is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Although human beings are made up of many different selves, such as an intellectual and an emotional self, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet is in touch with each of these selves. If someone is in touch with each part of themselves, it could be said that they will be operating as a whole human being.
One will be able to think clearly and they will be in touch with their feelings. Through being this way, it will be possible for them to not only perform a certain job well, they will also be able to form deeper connections with others.
This is because their emotional self will be what allows them to truly connect with others, whereas their intellectual self alone is not going to allow this to take place. Furthermore, their emotional self will also provide them with guidance.
So, when it comes to whether or not they should do something or if they should say yes or no, for instance, this part of them will give them the information that they need. This part of them will tell them what their needs are.
It Doesn’t Stop
One way of looking at this would be to say that their emotional self is their inner guidance system. No matter what time of the day it is or where they are, this part of them will always be there.
To live a fulfilling life, it will be essential for them to listen to this part of them and to utilise the information that it provides. Going against this part of them is only going to cause them to suffer unnecessarily.
If one was to look back on their life, they may see that there have been times when they have ignored this part of themselves. Consequently, it might not have been long until they paid the price.
Then again, there may have been a time in their life when this was just how their life was, meaning that ignoring themselves was normal. They are then going to be only too familiar with what it is like to ignore this part of themselves.
Being this way doesn’t mean that one will completely overlook other people needs; what it means is that they won’t be interested in living a life where they ignore their needs and are totally consumed with other people’s needs. Putting their own needs to one side from time to time is going to be radically different to always doing this.
Also, being connected to how they feel doesn’t mean that they will constantly be expressing how they feel, either. They will realise that there is a time to express how they feel and a time to keep how they feel to themselves, containing what is taking place within them.
If someone isn’t in touch with their emotional self, only having a connection to their intellectual self, they are not going to be operating as a whole human being. As a result of this, they probably won’t have a very good connection with their body.
There is then the chance that they won’t have trouble thinking clearly, but that it will be a challenge for them to connect to how they feel and to know what their needs are. When they are at work they could be fine, yet when they are around others, it could be a different story.
Due to being out of touch with their emotional self, their connections with others are unlikely to be very deep. And if they are in a relationship, their partner could often tell them that they are distant and even emotionally unavailable.
Still, one could be out of touch with this part of themselves and not even realise it. There can then be moments when they feel empty, and they may see that they don’t feel strongly connected to anyone, but it doesn’t mean that they will look into what is going on.
Enough is enough
If someone like this was to get to the point where living in this way was too painful, no longer wanting to feel cut off from themselves, others or even numb, they could end up looking into what is going on. What they could find out is that the reason they are experiencing life in this way is because they have experienced trauma.
Disconnecting from their body, along with their emotional self in the process, was a way for them to survive what happened to them. Thus, in the same way that they would leave an environment if it was dangerous, they left their body as it was too painful for them to inhabit it.
In The Past
This may relate to what they have been through as an adult or it could go back to what took place during their early years. If it goes back to their early years, there is the chance that they were abused and/or neglected.
This would have been a time when they were not equipped to deal with a lot of pain, yet their whole system would have felt overwhelmed on a daily/weekly basis. The only way for them to handle this pain would have been to leave their body.
What kept them alive as a child is now going to be making their life harder than it needs to be. Even so, this is not to say that one should try to dive into their body and to deal with the pain that is there.
For one thing, this approach could end up overwhelming them, but, as they have been out of touch with their body for so many years, it is highly unlikely that they will just be able to get back in there. Getting back in touch with this part of them can take a little while, irrespective of how committed they are.
If one can relate to this, and they want to become an integrated human being, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
When a man and a woman first get together it can be going along nicely and as soon as things start to become a little more serious, a man can begin to pull away. This is naturally going to be confusing for the woman and may make no sense whatsoever.
And it can depend on how connected the woman felt to the man, as to how she responds to what took place. If everything was going well and there was the potential for so much more to occur, then there is higher chance that there will not only be anger and frustration, but also a sense of sadness and even loss.
It could be devastating and the consequences could be severe; especially if this is something she has experienced time and time again. A one off may be dismissed, but to continually attract a man who is unavailable could be overwhelming and hard to comprehend.
There is often said to be a whole range of reasons as to why a guy would pull away. And these can include a guy that is: not fully interested in the women, is at a stage where he is not ready to settle down or doesn’t want to lose his freedom, amongst other reasons.
These can sound reasonable and may settle a women’s mind. However, if they are with a man who is into them just as must as they are into him, these are unlikely to really answer a woman’s questions.
As it was going well and flowing along nicely, it would be clear that the interest is there. And while the man may not be ready to settle down, if he has met someone he has clicked with, surely he would be open to going further. Certain freedoms may be lost, but other freedoms would be gained along the way.
At first these reasons might settle a woman’s thoughts and emotions, but based on the human need to connect with another human being, it is often more about someone’s level of emotional maturity that it is about these other reasons.
In The Beginning
From the start the man could come across as being fairly interested or he could across as being extremely into the woman. And if the man was extremely keen in the beginning, it is going to be more of a shock when he pulls away.
This could be man that is in regular contact and one who wants to spend as much time as possible with the woman and take her to places. Or in the case of a guy who is fairly interested, this might just include wanting to see her on a regular basis and to keep everything fairly consistent.
So at one moment, a woman can feel that the man is into her and everything is going so well. And the next moment, the man can become: cold, distant and completely unavailable.
Hot And Cold
While the above could be what happens, it could also be something that goes in cycles. So it is not a case of the man being available and then not being available and that’s the end of it. The man could be available and then unavailable and then after a while become available again and the cycle then continues.
When this happens, a woman could end up being taken advantage of and compromising, if she hasn’t got strong boundaries. The man could then be pursued and come to conclude that his behaviour is acceptable to the woman.
And if a woman is constantly attracting these kinds of men into her life, then it could be a sign of her own fear of intimacy. Consciously there may be the desire to connect with a man and to avoid being abandoned and at a deeper level; there could be a fear of being engulfed by one.
The Unavailable Man
So as he is available at first and then shortly after becomes unavailable, it is likely that he has a fear of intimacy at a deeper level. The reason he comes on so strong at first could relate to his conscious fear of being abandoned.
And as the relationship grows stronger, his deeper fear of being engulfed arises. When he pulls away and this deeper fear settles down, the fear of being abandoned can arise once more and the interest can reappear.
These fears are not necessarily problems per se, what can lead to problems are when these fears are reacted to, instead of faced, processed and healed.
One of the primary causes of this type of behaviour and these inner fears that causes it is the relationship a man had with his mother as a child. This could have been a mother that was emotional undeveloped and so used her son to take care of her own needs and wants.
And as she was not aware of her own behaviour and out of tune with her sons needs, she ended up smothering her son in the process. The son would have wanted his mother to fulfil his wants and needs, but would have feared being smothered if this took place.
Whether he got attention or not would therefore lead to the experience of pain. To be left would cause the feeling of being abandoned, but if the mother was available it would result in the feeling of being engulfed.
These inner fears are creating conflict for the man and until they become aware of them, there is unlikely to be any real change. These fears and emotions, that have remained trapped in the body since those early years, can be released with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
When a woman feels completely comfortable with intimacy, it is unlikely that she would be attracted to a man who is not. So a woman may also have some letting go to do.