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3 Silly Mistakes That Damage Your Happiness

Here’s a quick guide to 3 things that could make today better, and probably help you steer clear of some crap too.

My client knocked at my door, totally dejected and like the metaphorically worlds problems were their fault and problems to solve all alone. They walked in looking like thunder and Cruella DeVille, grunted yes to a cup of tea and splurged on 3 conversations at once as they tried to deviate from the moment we would actually talk about what was making them so p***ed off.

They knew as well I did that it would take some work and honesty to find solutions, but that we always did, but it didn’t stop this person walking in like a dinosaur with a boil on its butt the size of Lithuania pulsating away destroying any chance of real thought and happiness.

I could practically feel their despondency, despair and lack of passion for anything. It was like a tangible thing trying to eradicate the happiness from the room. Black and oppressive. The person I knew seemed consumed by? Well? Crap, life, too much stuff and a sense of complete overwhelm.

This client is not alone in bringing me their despair and despondency and from the years of helping people to stay on track, achieve more and feel damn good about it, I know a lot of things that really work to get you back to happiness and away from hell.

Here’s a quick read guide to 3 things that could make today better (and probably help you steer clear of some crap too);

Got it sussed!

It’s tough to look at your life and be honest and say “Mmm, things aren’t good, are they?” to be fair that’s a pretty bland quote, usually it’s more along the lines of “If I don’t sort my Sh*t out I don’t know what’s going to happen” or something similar.

The ironic thing is that as a coach and someone that people naturally talk to (my children are always complaining I talk to everyone and can always find a commonality to have a chat over!) I know that my clients are not alone. The amount of times I’ve shared a Facebook Live and then been inundated with people saying “thank you for your honesty Mandie, My life has been plagued with this” or “I thought I was the only person that feels like this!”

The fact is that you are doing your best and while that doesn’t always feel like enough trust me when I say you are doing fine. If you can be bothered to read an article about being happy and achieving more you are not going to fail in the long term. When I first wrote Fight the fear, I would have some people come up after a speaking engagement and say “I thought I was fearless” (to which I would usually sigh) only for them to admit that they had the very fear I’d been talking about. We are all human. Remember that.

It means that we don’t learn a new algorithm and never slip back. It means that we don’t have it all sussed and only by being honest will we be able to. You don’t’ have to know everything, just remember, most people don’t have the same solutions you are looking for either, reassuring isn’t it! (Unless of course, you employ a coach, then “magically” you seem to have it sussed.)

What a beautiful life!

It is an intriguing state of affairs that a client can be honest and divulge their deepest darkest dooms and yet they have never considered that they are not alone in feeling like this. The crucial point to always remember about social media is people only share what they want you to know. They may have taken 30 photos to get the one that makes them look like they are sat at the infinity pool on their own and there is not some annoying kid splashing everyone that is trying to swim leisurely admiring the rainforest around them.

None
No really, I was the only person on this beach. (And I’m not telling you where it is. I share that beach with seabirds, mammals and my family!)

We assume that everyone else has a perfect life. No cat sick, no broken phones, no shrivelled plants that you hide out of shot, no stroppy kids, no partners leaving their dirty washing on the floor, no bank accounts that make you sweat because you are too close to being red hot for all the wrong reasons. Trust me as a coach, people come to me when they are desperate. And they are so often people that look like life is perfect. I was taught from a young age, that a flashy car and big house does not negate riches. (Real or spiritual) I alas have been at the door of a business associate that has had the bailiffs arrive and everyone was shocked for weeks that this could happen to XXX. Which leads us nicely too….

Look what I’ve got!

We can spend our life planning for the future, looking over our shoulder and wishing for more. We are in an age where we believe we can do great things, change the world and still read our children bedtime stories, and have the energy to whisper sweet nothings into our loved ones ears and go to sleep on a blissful bed of passion and contentment. While all of that is true, it takes more than just dedication, passion and determination. It takes a lot of work, and not everyone on this planet is made to work 24/7. That doesn’t make you a bad person. And if you can eat a 12 hour day before lunch, then go you. The point is that we are individuals and you need to appreciate you.

Really really love who you are and what you have. We are a society that is intent on achieving more, creating big goals and going for it, however never forget what you already have.

Sometimes even I have fallen foul of this. I remember at my book launch I sighed and said “Next door to the Savoy but not quite there”

“Oh no, I’m only next door to the Savoy!”

My husband pointed out that my book launch was with the UK’s leading non-fiction publisher in a building next door to the Savoy on the 10th floor, overlooking the Thames with panoramic views of London (It made for some awesome PR!) Not bad for your first book Mandie I had to remind myself. You see we can all forget how far we’ve come and how much we have. Take a moment to look around and really notice what you have got. It does tons for your motivation, happiness, determination and action’s results!

Coach, International BEST Selling Author, Speaker, Blogger & Broadcaster, Founder of The Business Woman's Network


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4 Essential Ways To Simplify Your Life Right Now

Happiness Requires The Least Effort

“Truth is ever to be found in the simplicity, and not in the multiplicity and confusion of things.” — Isaac Newton

In this period of information overload, there’s never been a better time to simplify life. The struggle of modern existence can lead to inner turmoil if we’re unaware. The key to an inspired life is to simplify it. To gain clarity on what’s important, we ought to let go of unnecessary conditions and direct our attention to what we value most. Most people chase material possessions believing they’ll be happy, only to realise it makes matters worse. The more clutter in our life, the less capable we are of knowing what’s important to us. Naturally, we react instead of pursuing what is essential. Does this make sense to you? Can you see how chasing, longing and wanting are the ego’s way of craving more? When it gets more, it desires even more because it believes it will be happier or fulfilled. I liken it to eating a carbohydrate-rich diet. No sooner than we have finished a meal, we are hungry again an hour later. In contrast, if you have followed a low-carb or ketogenic diet, you realise how full and satiated you feel hours after the meal. What I’m trying to say is, we need to switch from consuming to appreciating since the former is grounded in wanting more.

Health, relationships, family and living my purpose are central aspects to my life nowadays. It’s taken an entire lifetime to reach this point, yet it has been worth the struggle. That which brings us joy and happiness requires the least effort. It is why I’m drawn to the quote by Henry David Thoreau who once said: “As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” The following are points to follow if you wish to simplify your life. It requires patience and persistence for something of value to yield results. Akin to a plant, the initial stages begin with the seed sprouting beneath the soil, invisible to the naked eye. Yet, with nurturing and time, it grows into a healthy plant and so too with your habits

1. Surround Yourself With Extraordinary People

These include: friends, family, romantic partners, co-workers and those who offer you support and encouragement. Significant people are those who encourage your personal growth. They are your humble ambassadors in time of need and won’t abandon you in a crisis. Being in the company of such people leads to simplified living because your inner needs are met through close connections. Great people inspire and strengthen you, not drain your energy. In contrast, energy vampires rob you of your vital force. They want to gain something and are unwilling to offer anything in return. Steer away from them, since they will deprive you of your long term happiness.

2. Let Go Of What No Longer Serves You

Letting go of what no longer serves us is essential to simplifying life because we free ourselves from what consumes our energy. This includes: people, things, places, relationships, behaviours or habits. If it doesn’t bring you joy, remove it from your life or distance yourself from it. However, don’t fill the void with something else, allow it time to recede so you have less to focus on. In doing so, you free up mental and emotional resources for more important matters. Create a space for something wonderful to appear and trust it will take its place.

3. Focus On Experiences, Not Things

People believe happiness comes from gaining material possessions. Sure, it might offer happiness for a short while, although once it wears off we yearn for something more. Newspapers are filled with stories of people who inherited millions of dollars, only to find themselves more miserable than before. This is not because of money per se, rather the stress associated with managing large sums of money. Accumulating material objects amplifies insecurities already present in a person. We ought to focus on experiences and surrounding ourselves with friends and loved ones. Travel more, perform random acts of kindness, do charity work if that appeals to you. The key is to find fulfilling experiences that embody who you are. Don’t you find it interesting that you are more likely to remember a delightful holiday years later but forget about a purchase of a new item within months? You might even lament buying the expensive item by that point.

“Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves.” — Edwin Way Teale

4. Be In Tune With Your Nature

When you’re in tune with your nature, you connect to your source. I’m not referring to religion or spirituality, yet something greater. You are the expression of universal intelligence. Everything from your thoughts to your body reflects the infinite powers of this creative intelligence. Stay connected to your source and you’ll feel the aliveness of the universe permeate through you.

How do you stay in tune with your nature? Here are steps to consider:

  • Be kind and compassionate to yourself and others
  • Think empowering thoughts
  • Live a healthy life
  • Eat whole foods close to its original state
  • Balance your giving and receiving
  • Create fulfilling relationships
  • Be of value in your community
  • Respect Mother Nature
  • Be of service to others
  • Be at peace with yourself
  • Think globally, act locally

We are conscious creators of our destiny. We must be willing to upgrade our model of reality and remove preconceived ideas about how life should play out since these concepts keep us trapped in the past. Simplifying life brings immense joy because we need little to make us happy. Economic studies in Australia suggest households on a combined income of $40k per annum are no happier at this threshold. In the US, the figure is $75k, which confirms we needn’t accumulate vast amounts of wealth to be happy. Life is more intelligent than we give it credit for. We are provided with the inner wisdom to make sense of our lives, yet we’re controlled by our impulses instead of focusing on what’s meaningful. We mustn’t succumb to the out-there model that suggests our inner needs originate from outside circumstances. Considering this, make a vow to simplify your life instead of focussing on what will make you happy outside of you.

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