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Who Has the Upper Hand?

Do you ever feel helpless? Powerless? Even bullied by people? Learn to get the upper hand in different situations.



Do you ever feel infuriated with your boss, your partner, your family, or even your children for running you over? As if your opinion doesn’t matter? Or your words don’t count? As if no one is taking notice?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. My best friend got a rescue dog who was a complete nightmare to handle for the first couple of weeks. She’d run around the apartment, ignore all commands, try to jump on all the furniture, needed constant attention, etc. My best friend kept googling advice and came across Cesar Milan’s videos. Once she started applying his advice, the dog changed. The bottom line? Your dog needs to understand that you’re the alpha and that’s a state of mind, more than anything else.

Family and work dynamics can be tricky, as can friendships and relationships. The truth is, we all sniff out what others will allow us to get away with. The person with low self-esteem is more likely to be picked on because they accept it. They think little of themselves and allow others to treat them accordingly.

That’s not to say that there are outrageous situations where anyone can end up picked upon because they walk into a group of idiots. However, that’s different from someone who tends to end up picked upon in almost any situation.

Even if we don’t allow others to pick on us, we all allow others to have a certain level of power over us at times. Sometimes we allow our kids to emotionally blackmail us, sometimes we accept our partners to have the upper hand. And it all comes down to our internal state of mind. The moment you don’t allow any bullshit, people fall into line.

It can be really difficult to see how these power battles play out. An obnoxious dog is easy enough to spot, but in everyday life, we tend to fall into patterns we don’t even question. We just feel slightly uneasy about how our boss sometimes treats us, or not thrilled about how our boyfriend seems to make us feel bad in certain situations.

If you feel great on the inside, if you don’t let comments get to you, then pretty soon people stop handing them to you. They can see they have no effect on you. You can’t be mentally bullied into doing something you don’t accept.

The reason I’ve been thinking about this is because I raise kids from a township and due to what they’ve been through, they act out in a myriad of different ways. And keeping your cool and not letting it get to you is sometimes difficult. Asserting power with kids who have grown up in an abusive environment and who therefore are abusive can drive the best of us to our limit.

The thing is if we snap and get angry, if we back down on our word because we can’t handle the tantrum, if we in any way, shape, or form give in, they know they’ve won. Staying cool and positive, not letting anyone else affect our state of mind is a lesson in mind control, self-confidence and learning to see a situation from the angle that benefits you the most. My coach always says the guy with the biggest hard-on wins, which may sound crude, but point taken. He also constantly reminds me we mustn’t get caught in other people’s hairy bullshit.

Some people seem to think that anger, being nasty, etc. is about power. It isn’t. Being calm and in control of your own state of mind, not letting others alter it unless you want them to, is about power. Feeling helpless and out of control, or feeling bullied by other people’s thoughts and feelings, is the opposite of power.

Finding your feet when ambushed by someone else’s energy, or by a situation (because let's face it: sometimes we feel "bullied by life, or simply "unlucky" as well) isn’t always easy, but it is possible. Finding your own inner power by choosing your thoughts is the starting point. You decide how you see yourself and the world and how you react to people and events around you. You are in charge, because you are powerful.  

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Let us first see, what is “spiritual” and personal development. A so-called spiritual person develops himself as soul or has a soul, both false–we are not souls and we don’t have souls, while a personal person develops his personality.

The first one lives spiritual life and prepares for the spiritual afterlife. The second one just lives and doesn’t prepare for anything.

The spiritual person is engaged in spiritual themes as god and devil, soul, afterlife, spiritual powers, and is a religious believer or spiritual man or woman, of course.

Here we have all the religions, spiritualities, mysticism, magics, and black magics, sorceries, shamanisms, New Age (explosive:) mix, etc. The main questions of the spiritual development are how the god or the Creator or the Source created the “Creation”, who we are, what we do here and where we will go after death.

The main questions in the religions are how to strictly obey the bibles, how to be guilty and ashamed as much as possible, how to learn to bow as low as possible, how to god-fearingly kneel, how to properly serve the Lord, and how to pray for His mercy.

The mentioned themes are more or the most important ones in the spiritual life, while the so-called material life and financial success are less or not important at all.

There are transitions from one way to another, mostly from the material to the spiritual. Some that don’t succeed in the material life and don’t get rich until the 30, they jump over to the kingdom of heaven and seek the “wealth” in the spiritual life.


From “greed is good” to the “greener pastures of my Lord, Saviour, and Shepard”:) Crucefixing the sinful body, singing hallelujah and praying “God, provide.”:)

In the spiritual field, there are professionals and amateurs. First, live in the religious organized hierarchy, they have a title, uniform, and duties. Usually, they are monks and nuns and live in monasteries or in religious institutions. They live alone in the celibate, and they don’t have a sexual life. So they say:)

The amateurs live a civil life and spirituality is their hobby. Meditation 10 minutes 3 times a week. Many spiritual amateurs are still drinking and drugging, lying and stealing, they confess and repent and sin again:)

On the other side, ordinary personal development is the development of personal characteristics of people who are not religious. In most cases, it’s connected to the psychological theories and practices of personal development.

The main goal of psychological personal development is a functionality or the ability to live an independent life. For psychologists is most important, that a person is employed and works, and he gets paid. That doesn’t mean that unemployed are undeveloped, though …:)

Psychological personal development includes education, workshops for the development of talents, hobbies, sport, recreation, and a healthy life.

These persons are not necessarily “material” and they don’t fight for financial success. Those who do, they have only one goal, to get rich. They are ready to do everything to become rich, including lying, stealing and killing.

This division to the “spiritual” and “material” is false, forced and useless. In fact, it’s karmicons division to religious believers and nonbelievers. With the simple fact that incarnants live one life as believers and the next one as nonbelievers. When they are believers, they believe in life in god, the next one in the devil and the third one in black cats:)

There are many theories about the “spiritual” or personal development with their own explanations who is developed and who is not. For the religious believers, it’s enough that you are a believer and you are automatically spiritually developed.

In fact, neither one - “spiritual” and “material” are not personally developed.

Before I present you my list, let me tell you, that in the near future this false division will be gone. Soon, all religions will be ended, and the work, as the main value and base for the psychological development won’t have any value at all. With replicators and free food and other things, the economy of today will disappear as well.

People won’t work for survival anymore. They will create, but not for the money, but for their pleasure and the benefit of all. There will be some money exchanging in the transition period, later on, we will end the money too.


I use the therm personal development for the activities and exercises with which we become aware that we are Beings of Pure Awareness. As awakened ones, we express the natural characteristics of Pure Awareness, like Peace, Unity and Wholeness, Clarity, Transparency, Truthfulness and Integrity, Tenderness and Benevolence (they are the base for Love).

Awakening personal development is different from “spiritual” and “psychological” as it is based on the Awareness of the person. That is the answer to the question “Who am I?”. Our true identity is based on the Pure Awareness as we are Beings of Pure Awareness – we are Aware Beings.

This personal development is not institutionalized and religious and is free from “Cosmis Laws”, the Prosecutor and Judge, Church and monks and nuns. In awakening, there are no commandments, bans, and punishments. A person is awakening alone or in the company of equal, equivalent and free people, and he is not superior or inferior to no one.

He doesn’t go to a cave, on the mountain or in the monastery to evolve, he develops living his life, releases all harmful behaviors, awakens and lives as Being of Pure Awareness.

Another difference between “spiritual” and psychological personal development is that the awakening ends with the stabilization. As we know there are people who are spiritual their all life and they are still undeveloped, hostile and harmful to others.

After we move from the false, shattered and harmful Ego personality, we stabilize in the Pure Awareness, and we stop practicing. We live as awakened and we express our natural characteristics of Pure Awareness.

A: Who is not personally developed? He, who:

1. Is self Important – he thinks that he is more worthy than others, is narcissistically bragging, underestimating, subordinating and abusing others. He acts as the Master.

2. Is Pity one – he thinks that he is less worthy than others, he pities himself and complaining about everything. He is the Victim.

3. Lives in fear are unsettled and lost. He feels anxiety and has panic attacks or is strongly worried. Even without the obvious reasons.

4. Is sad and mourns, is lonely, misses other people and things and is disappointed.

5. Lies manipulates and cheats.

6. Is violent in thoughts, words – anger, curse, threatens, etc, emotions and actions – limits, fights, forces, and rapes.

7. Is addicted to people, substances, actions, and objects. Drinks alcohol, smokes and drugs. In any amount and for any reason.

8. Steals.

9. Is lazy, greedy, corrupted, envy, resentful, vengeful, hurtful, jealous, gossiping, ashamed, pessimistic, ironic, cynic and sarcastic, two-faced and heinous, selfish, arrogant, bluffing and posing, offended and affected, hating him and others, nationalistic, chauvinistic and racistic, competing to be better than others etc.

10. Is not able to use the mind deliberately. Thoughts are always running and jumping in his head, and despite that, they are upsetting and frightening him, he can’t stop them.

If you have only one of the listed harmful behaviors, you are not personally developed. You are not yet Aware who you really are and you still harm your self and others. In invite you to start evolving. You will be amazed by your true Beauty as the Being of Pure Awareness, Love and Wisdom.


B: Who is personally developed? He, who:

1. Released all shattered partial personalities and their harmful behaviors or Ego as false and harmful personality, awakened and stabilized. He is One and Whole.

2. Doesn’t dramatize and problematize himself, others and the Life. He doesn’t see Life as a problem and he doesn’t solve It. He lives It as It is in truth, as Life.

3. Is Aware that he is Aware Being and he lives as Being of Pure Awareness.

4. Is not reactive anymore. Awakened is always Peaceful and Joyful regardless of the events and other people. Nobody can provoke, upset or anger him.

5. Is a Source of Love and he expresses it by will whenever he wants.

6. Is honest, speak the truth, only the truth and nothing but the truth.

7. Is nice, friendly and benevolent, always, everywhere and to everybody.

8. Is completely free. He is not addicted to objects, substances, people or actions. He is freely floating in the Pure Awareness.

9. Can use the mind as any other tool. If he wants to think, he uses it, when he finishes, he stops it. Most of the time, and for many hours, he lives in perfect inner silence, which is his natural state. Without any effort or exercise.

10. Is a Being of Wisdom, and acts for the best to all, and wishes all the best to all.


If you have all the characteristics above, Bravo!, you are personally developed. If you have only one or more, you are evolving. Go on!

I suggest that you print both of the lists, stick them on the wall and roll up your sleeves:)

Let me also mention the so-called spiritual activities like yoga, meditation, mindfulness, concentration – for example starring in the candle, singing, and dancing, affirmations, mantras, and prayers, calling the spirits, readings, etc.

Some of them can benefit you as a preparation for the real personal development. Using only them, you won’t develop.

The same goes for Buddhism. I know that many think that Buddhists are very spiritually developed, but they are not.

Buddha mixed up two Things that are not mixable:) They are the Awareness and the Energy.

Buddha claimed, that Everything that exists, is coming out from the Mind or the Consciousness. He said that the Energy – beings, and planets are coming out from the Mind or the Consciousness, change and then go back to the Emptiness of the Mind or the Consciousness and they disappear there.

That is not true.

Awareness is Awareness and Energy is Energy. Energy includes all material worlds. They don’t mix together, let alone that one is disappearing in another. The Existence was never created, so there is no “Source”, from which anything would come out in getting back into it.

The Existence is eternal and Everything is all the time at its place. We have limited perception and we think that things are appearing, changing and disappearing while in fact, they are all the time at their places. They don’t change and they don’t disappear.

Buddhism can benefit you as a preparation for a real development. You have to release it to start truly develop. If you are a Buddhist, I invite you to check my words. Practice my exercises for the awakening for 3 months and you will see the difference.

Let me tell you before the end, that the karmicons wrote the script for your life, in fact for your incarnant, and not you. They also wrote that your incarnant will live “spiritual” or “material” life. The karmicons don’t write scripts so our incarnants and we would “spiritually” or personally develop. They force them and us to live in limitations, which are causing us suffering. When we suffer, we produce negative energy which they use as food.

Our team is already changing their scripts and we are ending their violence. We are very successful on the planet Palki. We have changed most of their scripts. We will do the same on Earth.

Every time when you move to the Pure Awareness, you immediately exit the karmic script as they didn’t write it. They want us to be unaware, ignorant, mind-less and violent, so they can abuse us.

I suggest you try it right now, exit and change the karmic script for a bit. Let's go. Become aware that you are alive, and that you are here. Then move your attention to this Awareness. Become Aware that you are Aware. Now, you are in your natural state of Pure Awareness. You will notice that your mind stopped in a second. You will become Aware of the perfect Peace and immediately feel much better and pleasant.

I invite you to personally develop and evolve, release your partial personalities and their harmful behaviors. With the exercises for the awakening from the 1. Book of Letters to Palkies, you can get it on Amazon:

You can read the basic exercises for the awakening in my article How to become Wonderful Being of Pure Awareness on:

I also invite you to subscribe to my free awakening newsletter for personal, partnership and family development, and you will get 2 nice gifts: First day you will get a free e-book Where are Don Juan and Carlos Castaneda? The next day you will get the superb exercises for awakening and releasing your harmful partial personalities or false Ego personality.

Subscribe here:

You are very welcome.

All the best to all.


P.s. Question and answer. Do I have to release the religion to truly personally evolve? Yes, sooner the better:) 

At Mass when I was a kid we said, "I am not worthy. I am not worthy. I am not worthy." Without realizing it, I learned shame and self-hate. I maintained a low level depression throughout much of my youth. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Even today at my lowest moments I hear the words, "I am sorry I’m not good enough."

Immediately, I catch myself and yell "Stop!" I cannot afford to deny myself. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to God. When I deny myself I deny God. God needs me. This all powerful omniscient being needs me in order to express on earth. What a kick that is!

I had thought that my life was about pleasing God (or at least trying to earn her approval) but that basically She was ill-tempered and irascible. I thought I was meant to work and strive and suffer until I could squeeze a blessing from her. I used my brain to devise beneficial deeds that would justify a spot in her good graces.

Now I see that thinking and creating worthwhile projects and doing good works is another way to deny God. When I rely upon my head and make decisions based upon my thoughts, I make my brain God. Whatever is the basis for our decisions is our God.

When I want to know God and hear from God, I maintain silence and I wait. I imagine that God lives inside me in my very center as a tiny flame. I can breathe into that center space and pay attention and listen and, thus, I allow God. God is. When I pay attention I experience God. That experience is momentary. I don’t know in advance what I will find. I say, "I am available" and then I wait and I pay attention and I allow.

God moves in me and through me. God is a verb. In the first part of my life God was a judge and a critic. Now God is creativity and passion and involvement. God moves and I don’t know why or how or when. My job is to pay attention and try to keep up. I follow as I’m led. I sit in the back seat and appreciate the perfection of each moment. I’m not driving the car and I don’t know where I’m going. And isn’t that exciting?!

My spiritual life is an adventure. No one has ever lived my life and no one else ever will. There isn’t a right way to be me. Now, in the second half of life, I allow God to peek through and speak through me. I remember that wherever I am, God is. And I allow.

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