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A Quick Guide to Messages That Work on Dating Sites and Apps

Ever had first message paralysis on a dating site, or app, like Tinder? Haven’t we all?! It’s actually really simple though. Truly.



It’s a new year. Everyone’s trying to start the year on a good foot. I.e. score a date if they’re single. So, how do you approach someone online?

The online realm is much easier in one way than a bar. You don’t have to try to catch someone’s eye and then be brave enough to walk over, interrupting their conversation with someone else, to have a chat. All you have to do is click yes on their profile or swipe right. You know immediately if they’re interested.

The thing is, online we all have access to thousands of profiles. That means that if the opening line isn’t right…well, we move on. Some people get more messages than others. It means they’re even pickier.

Personally, if a guy is really interesting, or hot, or both, if he opens with “hey,” I may not reply. I mean what a time investment! Hey! Imaginative. Interesting. Sign of great personality. No. Absolutely not.

Then we’ve got the whole “hey, you’re hot.” Too much, too soon.

And let’s not forget the people who send your their own bio in the first message. Or just go on and on and on. Looking like they are putting in massive effort in just the one

So let’s look at what works.

Mention Something in Their Profile

Oh my goodness! You read the profile! You cared enough to do that. You get points right off the bat.

“Well, hello there! Your profile made me do a double take. Riding an elephant?! In the jungle?! Someone’s got a taste for adventure…”

“Hey! I’m curious: was the milkshake in that shot as good as it looks?”

“I see we have a shared love of Oreos. You’re getting plus points already ;) Trick question: do you share your Oreos? Or do you keep them all to yourself?”

“Your profile made me stop in my tracks. Hello interesting!”

“Your pictures tell me you like nature?! :)”

“Am I right in saying you like outdoor adventures? :)”

If there’s something in their profile you have in common, you can always point that out. Keep the message short. Not too much. You don’t want to seem like you’re trying too hard. It should be casual, friendly, maybe a little flirtatious, but not too much, too soon.

The Shortie

There is one very short message that might work: "Name!" I.e. their name and an exclamation mark. It’s cocky. And it might only work if your profile is good, but it’s a lot more personal than the standard “hey, how are you…” 

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