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How To Love Someone With Depression & Anxiety

Love knows no boundaries or limitations.

Loving someone with depression and anxiety is no different than loving anyone else. The more you treat them as someone without a label, the more you will love them and the more they will love you back.

The foremost thing is to help them love themselves so that they can love you.

They say that you get the kind of love that you attract. Loving someone with all your heart is what we all need. Love knows no boundaries, no limitations, it is unconditional, seeks no reward. If you truly love someone, it will be selfless and sans expectations.

When you truly love someone, you love their soul. It is a love so pure that you are not afraid to show your vulnerabilities to them.

The key to loving someone with depression and anxiety is to be able to be patient with them. Have an open mind, a heart that listens and be willing to be there even on a bad day. Falling in love is letting go, baring your soul and letting the other person to get a glimpse of your soul.

The person battling depression and anxiety is literally walking on a tightrope every day. Depression leads to feelings of self-loathing and anxiety always sends the brain on an overdrive, persisting one to constantly think and panic.

No one can prepare you for this and you can’t choose who you fall for. Remember, loving someone with depression and anxiety is challenging, but it is you who will help them overcome their deepest fears and weaknesses and help them emerge triumphant.

Keep in mind these 10 pointers to help the love of your life:

Value the person for their unique traits, differences, complex characteristics and strengths.

As you both bare your soul to each other, you will be able to see each other’s deepest weaknesses and attain a different level of trust on each other.

You will be able to see each other through the eyes of your heart.

You know how important it is to understand someone’s feelings. You will be able to give validity to feelings, even if you may take a while to actually understand them.

You will know that the person you love is a wonderful human being, remarkable in his own ways.

Identifying roadblocks and difficult situations is a cakewalk. The inability to have difficult conversations will be a thing of the past.

The important realization dawns upon you that mental illnesses are of all kinds and comes in all forms and degrees. You learn to respect it all.

You will learn to understand yourself better than ever before. You will know that the person you love may need help outside of you and that fact won’t bother you.

Patience, empathy and compassion will soon become your best friends.

It’s the small actions that will begin to matter. They will have an impact on your life, either in a negative or a positive way.

It’s about embracing the other person as he or she is, with all the imperfections and loving them the way they deserve to be loved. At the end of the day you become a better person, you learn the art of forgiving so beautifully that you become the person you never thought you could become. 

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Our most deeply ingrained lessons about how to be in relationship develop in the womb. From the moment of conception we develop in relationship.

Our experience in the womb shapes the brain and lays the groundwork for personality and emotional temperament.

How Children Learn to Love

As an infant our brain is patterning after our caretaker’s brain, there is a lot of neural selection that goes on at this time. This determines our attachment style, our ability to trust love and our sense of belonging.

If mom had to return to work fairly soon after birth or if mom is physically with us yet emotionally overwhelmed or struggling with post partum depression all of this has an influence on our developing brain.

What happens in our home environment determines which neural pathways are developed and which are pruned is based on the style of care giving we receive. Are we building pathways of love and confidence or of disconnection and anxiety?

We have the least developed brain at birth, of any other animal born, we come into life the most dependent on our caregivers.

90% of brain development happens outside the womb in direct relationship to mom.


Within a baby’s developing brain, we all have neurons that grow in direct relationship to the care, attention from mom along with her focus and her attunement with our needs.

There are also neurons that are pruned if mom’s attention is elsewhere. As a baby is unable to understand that mom is just nervous or stressed, instead often what builds over time is the internal message of I’m not safe or I’m not worthy when there is a sense of being disconnected from mom.

For the moms who are reading this, we all have times when we will spend time away from our baby. What matters most is the reconnection, looking baby directly in the eyes, taking the time to say: I missed you, whenever I go, I will always come back to you.

This remains important when the child heads off to school or you return to work. Sharing meaningful good-byes at drop off and reconnection at pick up times. This keeps us connected with your children even within the separation during the day.

This often carries into adulthood with many people feel disconnected from their mom and this makes it difficult for us to create friendships that we trust, with the majority of complications showing in intimate relationships. Hurts left unspoken or patterns of relating with our mom replicate with our spouse.

Did you know that the way we acted as a teenager has something to reveal about our current needs in a relationship?


Much of what we needed more of as an infant will end up being expressed as a teenager as so many of our emotions are right at the surface. This unique window of time in our life when we are reaching for independence but still dependent on Mom and Dad for what will need in life.

Identifying what is unresolved in your most important relationships is like patching that leak in a flat tire for your peace of mind.

By turning your focus to what feels unresolved in your earliest life experiences in combination with how love flows between you and your parents can give so many clues as to why you need what you do in your current relationships.

Johanna Lynn is an adept facilitator with 20 years experience. She works with what the body remembers – our earliest experiences that profoundly influence how we live our lives even when we don’t consciously remember – to create freedom from painful family patterns. Visit www.johannalynn.ca

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