Stuck in a Rush Hour Traffic Jam? - Vigyaa

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Stuck in a Rush Hour Traffic Jam?

Life is hard. Or it can be great. It depends on your perspective. Two people can look at the exact same thing and each have different thoughts about it.

Take a traffic jam, for example. You could stress out about the drivers cutting in front of you, or the fact that you might be late for work. From there you would arrive at your office grumpy and late. You might then take it out on your associates and make everyone around you miserable. Then, instead of going out to a nice lunch with them, they might avoid you like the plague and let you eat that stale granola bar you've had in your desk for weeks.

Or you could look at it this way. Being stuck in traffic allows you to finally listen to that audio book you've had in your car. Or, you could call your mom and have a nice chat with her!  You could sit there and be thankful for the fact that you have a job to go to, many people don't. You arrive at work happy and ready to go and might have the most productive day you've ever had. Plus your associates invite you out to lunch with them and you laugh and have a wonderful time.

Which one do you prefer?

Here are a few more....

Not happy about all the household chores you have to do? This means you have a home! Many people don’t.

Going food shopping? This means you have money for food! Many people don’t.

Are you upset at all the wrinkles on your face. Getting old is a privilege NOT a guarantee. Many people won’t get the opportunity to grow old.

I could go on and on.

My point? You can't control what life throws at you, but you sure can control how you get through it.

Listen, I'm not saying that you should be Suzy Sunshine from Sunnybrook Farms all the time. Nor am I saying that this is even possible. Sometimes you are just going to have one of those days. Being positive is like taking a shower, you have to do it every day. You have to choose it. You have to purposely say "no" to yourself and change your perspective. Some days it's really easy to do this, and other days it takes a while. Being a seven-year breast cancer survivor, I should know because some days I had to "choose" to be happy. Wasn't easy.

In the end though, being positive and choosing to be happy is a heck of a lot more fun than being stressed out and miserable all the time. I much prefer to laugh than cry.

You GOT this!

Award-Winning Author & the world's leading Concierge and Front Line Staff Trainer/Consultant. To read more, please visit

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Earlier on I was waiting in line for something and the person in front of me asked the cashier a question. They didn’t receive an answer, though, and this made them turn to me and say that they were being ignored.

A few seconds later, this person asked the cashier the same question and once again, they didn’t get a response. And just like before, they looked at me and said that they were being ignored.

Black and white

As far as this person was concerned, the cashier didn’t want to talk to them. Due to this, it was perfectly acceptable for them to get worked up and to raise their voice when they asked the question a second time.

However, while this was as clear as day to them, I thought that there was a lot more to it. Firstly, the cashier wasn’t even that close to them, and secondly, there were people in front of them.

Perception is reality

Therefore, it would be more accurate to say that the reason why the cashier didn’t reply was because they couldn’t actually hear them. How this person responded had little to do with what was taking place externally and a lot to do with what was taking place inside them.

One way of looking at this would be to say that part of them already felt ignored, with this part of them being brought up to the surface when they didn’t get the response that they wanted. But, as they were unable to realise this, they saw themselves as a victim and the cashier as the perpetrator.

Emotionally Attached

The trouble is that when someone is not aware of what is going on, they can end up playing out this same scenario over and over again. Each time they will blame another person for what is already taking place inside them.

Their conscious mind can reject the idea that they already felt ignored, but their unconscious mind can feel comfortable with feeling ignored. To the deeper part of them, having this experience can be what is familiar and therefore what feels safe.

A Closer Look

During their early years, their caregiver/s may have had the tendency to ignore them. This probably would have caused them to feel angry, worthless and powerless, for instance, and it would have played a part in how they expected to be treated.

Being treated in this way would have been painful, yet they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. At this stage of their life they would have resisted what took place, but as time passed, they would have come to unconsciously crave the same emotional experience.

Final Thoughts

​If the person above did have an unconscious attachment to feeling ignored and they were to heal this wound, it would be easier for them to stay present in moments like this. When it comes to healing inner wounds, the assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.

We, all of us, as we go through our lives, often seek to uplift ourselves above the crowd, or, better put, seek to nail and found our self-confidence or personhood on some personal quality, accomplishment, or whatever we might want to pin our hopes on.

Many, if not most, pin their sense of self-importance, particularly in the present age, on their material wealth or riches. They say to others, my superiority or greatness lies in my expensive car, perhaps a Lexus, BMW, or Mercedes, or my expensive vacation home in the Hamptons.

Others prefer to point to themselves on other bases. Some people seek to uplift themselves by saying, “I am smarter than other people or better educated.” They may point out to others that they have specialized knowledge in some certain field, and so they convince themselves they are in some way so much superior to the “lesser minds” that surround them.

A third group of folks adopt another way of raising themselves above the crowd. They will point to the fact that they are cultured and better educated, and by this method, they see others, and label them at least in their own minds, as ignorant or unlettered.

The fourth group may say to the world, “I have greater physical strength.” Football players and athletes may seek to dominate their environment by this method.

For a fifth group, it may be their appearance or looks that enable them to say to themselves, “I am better than other people.” This is particularly prevalent in our present society. It makes victims, by this false standard, of both women and men.

The sixth group, and this is a particularly sad commentary, may claim that they are morally superior; perhaps they may say, “I have great religious faith,” and for these folks their greater virtue, morality, or faith, at least as they believe, separate them from the crowd.

These modes of pinning our hopes on some quality or accident attached to ourselves is, I think, fallacious. For the true believing Christian, God attaches value to all souls and all people, regardless of their economic status, culture, appearance, physical strength, intelligence, education, or their faith.

In short, one might say that God attaches greater value to one soul that comes to him, than all the culture, wealth, intellect, knowledge, beauty, or strength that others may have.

Let me end this little essay by saying that when I was a younger person I thought culture, education, and perhaps religious faith might be important, or at least I sought to make myself important by these methods. I now know this was a mistake. In fact, by making culture, education, or religious faith a kind of idol, I mistook their use and purpose. Culture, as a term, has no particular meaning beyond the fact that some people, if not many people, enjoy particular artistic products. The goal is the natural enjoyment of those works, rather than the use of them to separate and exclude others. By the same token, religious faith, or Christian belief, is not to be used as a method of barring and excluding the unsaved, but is rather a good thing in that it makes us better people and makes for a better life for us and the people around us.

It is a grievous and sad commentary that humanity uses the many goods that surround them as a method of dominance, exclusion, and the establishment of class demarcations. That is neither the use nor the purpose of the particular qualities and goods that I have just discussed. As usual, any good is corrupted by twisted human nature.

This is the year. I’m finally going to do it this year. I’m not wasting any more time. I’m not indulging any more delays. This is the year I am exploring forgiveness at a depth I’ve here-to-fore not mastered.

A Deeper Level of Forgiveness

I can allow others to be confused or insensitive or preoccupied. I’ve learned to not take sleights personally. I can overlook the intermittent disappointment.

But there is a level of forgiveness I’ve yet to practice. And that has to do with releasing my Child’s hold on HUGE hurt feelings. In my Adult I can forgive anything because when I’m in my Adult nothing gets too far in. I can handle it intellectually or verbally or interpersonally. But the Child feelings are overwhelming and pre-verbal, necessarily unutterable. They have to do with my very existence, with the validity of the core of my being. In my Child I can be wiped out, completely demolished. I imagine that all the parts of me dissemble and float away and that I no longer exist.

How can I forgive when my very existence is at stake?

Because my very existence is not at stake. It feels like it is to my Child, but what I know as an adult that I could not know as a child is that the light at my core is not diminished, no matter what anyone does or says. Words hurt my feelings or my sense of belonging in the world. But no words destroy the integrity of my essence.

At my core I am one with God. No one created that and no one can destroy that. Verbal or physical insults don’t reach that deeply. And no matter what anyone thinks of me and no matter who hates me and no matter how badly I’m treated, I am one with God.

And from that place I can forgive anything. What detracts at that core level? Nothing human or passing. Certainly, I don’t need to be concerned with someone else’s judgments when I identify with my God-consciousness. And I don’t judge from that consciousness. Not anyone else and not myself.

I can forgive anything and everything. As long as I’m in my God-consciousness. All I have to do is to choose that. It’s always there.

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